Grew balls and called DB out . Nightmare holiday

[Pinkyyogapanties]

Over the past few years DB has been rude to me and caused me upset . I’ve chosen to swallow his comments but it’s hurt . DM said she doesn’t want conflict so lets DB’s behaviour slide .

side note - Db is very successful and a total alpha .

After a terrible holiday with extended family , DB sent me a message saying he had enjoyed the trip and wanted to book the same villa next spring .

For the first time ever I grew some strength . I said that I had not enjoyed the holiday and found it stressful and would not go again And would have appreciated some more support . I didn’t say he was a tosser which he was !!!!

DB fired back a message saying if I wasn’t happy it was my problem and that he wouldn’t be held responsible for me not enjoying the holiday and he was focused on his children . It was a cold and defensive message .

It been a month since the message and we have had no contact . I am guessing that DB will now ignore me and cut communication. I know he is proud and will now view me as a ‘nightmare ‘ woman who is way sensitive and pathetic . Okay I don’t know that but I am quite sure he will think this !

I am now kicking myself for saying anything . Why didn’t I just stay quiet ??

Now I am wondering , Was I being sensitive ??
Have I ruined our relationship. ( it was very strained though as his bloody rude !)
I

There have been so many times DB has been rude and I know this holiday was the straw that broke the camels back !
But I feel sad DB and I will most likely not repair this . I now am kicking myself for saying anything .

Ahhhhhhhh

He sounds horrible.

Why were neither him nor his wife looking after their daughter?

Are your parents frightened of him/of not being allowed to see their GD?

Was I being sensitive ?? Have I ruined our relationship?

Are you saying its all your fault that he treated you badly? Don't be ridiculous. The person who ruined your relationship him because he didn't respect you because he thought he could get away with it.

You should be having fun holidays with your husband and child. Just tell them next year you're doing your own family holiday.

He doesn't sound a pleasant person to be with and frankly there's no law that says you HAVE to go on holiday with your adult siblings. So don't. Plan your own holidays that don't include him.

If he's got the huff with you, win-win. Less interaction with him. The less contact with this happiness-drain that you have, the happier you will be.

I’m no contact with one of my sisters after a similar incident
My life is much better

Is your brother a disciple of Andrew Tate? He sounds like a misogynistic wanker.

The examples you’ve given from holiday are awful but he doesn’t deserve a second thought from you after this vile comment:
When I said cost of living was hitting people and it was a reason that I would not be having more children he told me that I should get a better job than a nurse . I said -someone has to be a nurse . I am proud of my role . He laughed and said i earn chump change .

Lets hope he’s never I’ll or injured and needs the expertise of…..a nurse. Did no one speak up when he said this? He should hang his head in shame.

Why do I get the feeling that he bullies his wife (and possibly his DD) as well as you and your mum?

Anyway, I don’t say this lightly but you may find going NC gives you peace and liberation from his toxicity. Whatever you decide to do, make it what’s right for you - not him.

I’m not saying these comments are awful but after years of utter rudeness I’ve had enough .

Erm, you obviously have been putting up with a lot of shite over the years, so much you think this behaviour is normal.

Those comments and behaviour are absolutely awful, people go no contact with families for less than that.

I wouldn’t contact him at all, neither should you expect an apology. He is a bully, if you throw an olive branch he will use it to beat you back into the submissive doormat he thinks you are ought to be.

Grow a pair and don’t put yourself and your family through this any longer, I’m sure you can have far nicer holidays with your children without an arse behaving like that.

You don't go on holiday to please your brother. If you and your family didn't enjoy the holiday, for whatever reason, and whoever is at fault, you'd be insane to do anything other than refuse to do it again.
Edited to add, it sounds like he's an arrogant, selfish, bullying, mean-spirited, spoilt brat, and may well be bringing his daughter up to be the same. You and your family will be the gainer if he does take offence and flounce off.

I voted you are BU for saying:

I am now kicking myself for saying anything . Why didn’t I just stay quiet ??

And also for saying you could have done with ”more support” when you should have said you could have done with him being less of a massive twat.

He’s a wanker, you should have called him out a long time ago. If he fucks off it’s all to the good.

What do you have to lose?

A disgusting, bully of a brother. That's what you need to lose. Quietly go no contact with him. Your life will be better without him. ❤️

Glad you've finally stood up to your bully brother and its good you've got a husband that supports you.

Just don't let your Mother guilt trip you in any way.

And no, good brothers don't treat their sisters like crap.

I'm NC with my agressive, bullying brother. I have no regrets.

I have found that 'alpha male' usually means 'Massive Tw*t'. And on top of that, far from being the wonderful and talented people they think they are, they usually have to have to have a trail of far nicer and more competent people (usually but by no means always women) trailing behind them clearing up after their messes and mistakes, pandering to their arrogance and massaging their needy feelings.
At work, or anywhere else.

Do you WANT to reconcile?

If so you could always send a Christmas card / gift without mentioning anything about what happened if it’s pride that’s in the way. Then just leave it there and see if it blows over.

Lots of experience with this - my dad was often an A grade asshole and would never ever apologise for any of his dick moves. I knew that everyone else knew he was the problem so just rose above it rather than stewing. I knew nothing would ever ever lead him to apologise, even if it was obvious he was the problem. He’s dead now so we don’t have that issue any longer.

If you can’t be doing with all that then just shrug and walk away. No one would blame you.

I understand what he’s done wrong, you’ve explained it well, but it doesn’t really tie to your message to him that you wished support and him saying he was focused on managing his own kids.

wnat did you wish support on, it clearly wasn’t his kids as his response is clear.

What happened on the holiday is in the past, you can’t change it, nor can you change sending him the message, and most importantly nor can you change his reaction. You cannot please everyone all the time, relatives or not. I’d treat him as normal, if he chooses not to engage, it’s his problem, not yours.

It sounds to me like you think he looks down on you. Would you let anyone else treat you like that? I have a similar brother and we only communicate when we have to. I made the choice to accept this as my life is easier this way. Does yours add anything that you would miss from your life? Just because you’re siblings doesn’t mean you have to be friends.

but it doesn’t really tie to your message to him that you wished support

I wondered about that & why Op didn't just say that no she didn't want to go again.

Although he probably would have bullied her into explaining why!

Also wasn’t your husband supporting you? It makes no logical sense, from what you’ve said he did wrong, to the initial message of you finding it stressful and wishing his support and him saying he was focused on his own kids.

that makes it sound like you wanted support with yours?

I want to give you a big hug!

He is a bully and a twat
You deserve to be spoken to nicely. Always
You are not obliged to ever go on holiday with him again
And it's fine to tell him this. Normal people would react with curiosity and sadness. What he did was a bully's response
You are worth so much more than this

Glad your husband is seeing this too and agrees he's a twat

"alpha"? You do realize that is all piffle don't you? There is no alpha male like we were told in the 70s and 80s. Not in prides, packs or troops.

If he is rude and misogynistic then that's what he is. You don't have to spend time with entitled people of any description.

Alpha is the same as "boys will be boys".

It obviously didn’t take a lot (your comment about not enjoying the holiday) to make him stop contacting you so perhaps you’re better off (at least for a while), not having anything to do with him.

Perhaps over time, you can explain to your mum why it happened and maybe over time, he will soften and make contact again with you.
Although I’ve just read your other post and maybe not. He’s an arse to you and sadly you might be better off having very little to do with him.

You’ve done the right thing, imo. You no longer need to spend holidays with him-huge bonus! Your dm needs to accept that he’s an asshole.

side note - Db is very successful and a total alpha

Why do you consider him succesful? He doesn’t sound like a successful human being at all unless you’re defining success purely by a bank balance which is an incredibly superficial measure. He sounds like a spoilt child.

He's not an alpha, he's just a garden variety sexist knob.

You did the right thing op.
Don’t make any move to contact him. Let him contact you.
He can patent his own child and cook his own meals.
So what if he doesn’t come to see you at Christmas, it’s his loss.
Continue to see your parents. Book a holiday you will enjoy.