Stop buying shit they don't like

[youhavebadtaste]

Please, I beg you, as kind and thoughtful as you think you are being, please stop buying people home furnishing, decorative items, artwork, anything that they will feel compelled to display in their homes - unless you are absolutely certain they want it.

Every Christmas, birthday, birth, or any special event that might incur a gift being given I get nervous because I know we are going to be given things by well meaning people that I just absolutely hate and don't want to show in my home.

A few examples;

When we got married a very good friend gave us a mirrored picture frame covered with diamantes spelling our name. It's large, ugly and does not even begin to blend in with our home decor, that is, well, the total opposite. They thought it was absolutely gorgeous, I do not.

An aunt has taken up woodwork and keeps making us things. I have a lump of wood with various place names that vaguely mean something to us, but not massively significant. I have to display it because she's round all the time. It might sound nice but it's poorly made and I just don't like it. I know she has other things lined up and I keep trying to tell her no in a polite way but she doesn't get it.

Another relative gave me a framed print when we moved in to our house. I can see it's very much her taste but it's just not mine.

I get this may all sound really ungrateful, but I feel bad that these people are wasting their time and money getting us things we just don't like. It's not like it's a cardi that I can wear twice when I see them then shove in a drawer until it gets gifted to the local charity shop - these are things people expect to see us use in our home.

AIBU to just not want this stuff?

YANBU. I hate this too. I think it's bad manners not to appear grateful and display the item so I do, but I really really hate it.

Can't you say to these friends and family to either stop presents or only token presents due to cost of living/bad for planet/etc? I wouldn't 'display' anything I hated - you will only encourage them as they will think this is your taste

YANBU - home decor is such a personal thing!

We've had some awful things in the past from DH's elderly relatives, which we have felt compelled to display. We both absolutely hated them and they all got er... broken when we moved house (I donated them to charity, I'm not a monster - someone will like them!)

YY. The same for anything that people will have to wear or use. Most people want to choose their own clothes and try them on before they buy them, and also choose their own tech etc so that it does what they want, not what someone else thinks is best.

The only way to stop it is to not display it, surely? Or display it somewhere you don’t care - toilet windowsill, by the back door.

YY. Same for perfume, my mum buys me a bottle of different perfume every year, usually stuff she likes, I've told her to stop wasting her money but still she does it

You can appreciate the gesture but not the item. That doesn't make you ungrateful.

My Dsis went through a phase of buying me very sparkly skirts/tops/dresses for Christmas and birthday presents. I live in jeans or joggers. They just weren't to my taste and I never wore them. Huge waste of money.

My XP came to visit and brought a lampshade that his sister had sent to us for a present for DS's bedroom (DS was a baby). XP didn't even ask if I liked it, he just said "here, I can put it up for you" and took my lampshade down!

It does kind of suggest that presents should only be food or other consumables though!

You clearly just have shit friends!

I get given lovely things by people who actually know what we like.

No, you're not being unreasonable to not want things in your home that aren't to your taste.

However, you need to pull up your big girls pants & deal with the situation instead of quietly seething.

like the lovely mirror frame. Take it to the tip. No one else will want it with your names in it. If your friend says anything, just say you're changing the look of your house (you are, to things you like!!) & it no longer (don't say never did!!) fits in to you xyz look. Thank her for the effort she went to, to get it made (or whatever) and being at your wedding (if she was)

Aunty Woodwork - tell her you're going minimalist and are not buying/getting things for your house because you have too much stuff & it saddens you to have to give away the excess.

its not easy, but you have to stick up for yourself & your house.

i think this is why I'm such a terrible gift giver, because I only want to buy things that people will find useful or love.

I tend to buy things that get used up. Food/drink/flowers/good quality hand soap, etc. or 'treats' meal out, voucher for things/places I know they like.

also everyone knows I'm incredibly fussy, so they tend not to buy me 'stuff', especially not 'big/display' stuff.

Also if I do buy a thing, I always say I bought it because I thought they'd like it, but if I've got that wrong, then don't hesitate to pass it on, because there's no obligation to keep things you don't like. The gift is in the giving, it's not an obligation to keep stuff you don't want.

Stop displaying it. If you have it on show people think you love it and give you more. My ex MIL used to give really ugly picture frames to me when she was decorating and i didnt want them, they went to the charity shop and when she didnt see them on display she stopped giving me her cast offs that i never asked for.

@AlltheFs

I'm NOT a shit friend. I'll sit up all night with you if some based has upset you/your parent is ill/your child is sick or whatever.

I'll help you get your house sorted for the in-laws coming to stay, mind your kids, drive you places, Hold your hand at your sisters funeral...

whatever you need, whenever you need it.

I'm just not a good gift buyer.

but if gifts are the most important part of a friendship for you... that's your call

This is why we encourage Christmas lists in our family, ideally with links to the exact product. I love buying presents but the thought of wasting time and money on sonething that gets thrown away or resented is awful.

My mum knits me a jumper every year. Every year I ask her not to, because they are too tight/the wrong colour/made of itchy wool I can’t wear. She tells me that she likes the colour/fit/wool. And apparently her liking it is more important, even though she won’t be the one expected to wear it. Every year I give it straight to the charity shop and she takes offence. I have even given her pictures of jumpers I do like to inspire her but she rejects them. It’s such a waste of her time and money, and she gets so angry about it.

A member of my husband’s family gave us some personalised “pebble art” on our wedding day. It is exactly as bad as it sounds. Made with real pebbles. It hangs in the play room, because I can’t bring myself to put it in the main living room. And because I live in hope of an errant Buzz Lightyear…

I feel terrible. I’m such an ungrateful old bag.

Oh god you are definitely not BU. My MIL buys us all sorts of shite from charity shops that she thinks we'll like. Most of it gets slung in the garage, though I think my husband puts some of it in his office/shed. (She tidied said garage for us once and found it all. Bit awkward.)

Bloody nightmare. She does it with toys too. I wish she'd stop but she doesn't listen

I buy things as gifts I think the recipient will like, but I'd have no issue of seeing it on eBay or in the charity shop, if the recipient didn't like it, on eBay well at least they get the money, in a charity shop the charity gets the money and someone will get a bargain and some pleasure from it. I give because I like the person, I might get it wrong, but it's the thought that counts.

Ha ha I feel your pain! There is a stall of pebble art at our local fête every year (manned by the creator, presumably). It looks like the kind of thing you'd find in Next Home but a home-made copy. I always wonder who would buy that shit...

Not the point of the thread (although I agree with OP) but what is this ‘YY’ that some posters are putting? I don’t think I’ve seen it on here before.

I have a rule - if I can't eat it, drink it, burn it 🕯️ or use up it in the bathroom, I don't want it! Consumables all the way.

My mum remarried 'later in life' and some of the presents defied analysis. The winner was a clear plastic life size eagle on a wooden plinth, shipped from America by cousins. People are just mental, but we do enjoy the laughs.

It means Yes Yes

Why are you telling us? Tell them.

I hate this; I don’t like clutter so I don’t have that much on display but people seem to think I need it or just haven’t got round to buying it

You are not being unreasonable people keep getting me scented things even though I have told them I don't like scented things because they make me nauseous. I have hinted that I like socks, but no one ever seems to get it. BTW I really love socks and a pair of socks would be enough for me as a present. My mum is the one who benefits though as I always give her all the scented things I get.

Stop displaying it, they will stop giving it then.