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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stop buying shit they don't like

209 replies

youhavebadtaste · 14/11/2023 09:42

Please, I beg you, as kind and thoughtful as you think you are being, please stop buying people home furnishing, decorative items, artwork, anything that they will feel compelled to display in their homes - unless you are absolutely certain they want it.

Every Christmas, birthday, birth, or any special event that might incur a gift being given I get nervous because I know we are going to be given things by well meaning people that I just absolutely hate and don't want to show in my home.

A few examples;

When we got married a very good friend gave us a mirrored picture frame covered with diamantes spelling our name. It's large, ugly and does not even begin to blend in with our home decor, that is, well, the total opposite. They thought it was absolutely gorgeous, I do not.

An aunt has taken up woodwork and keeps making us things. I have a lump of wood with various place names that vaguely mean something to us, but not massively significant. I have to display it because she's round all the time. It might sound nice but it's poorly made and I just don't like it. I know she has other things lined up and I keep trying to tell her no in a polite way but she doesn't get it.

Another relative gave me a framed print when we moved in to our house. I can see it's very much her taste but it's just not mine.

I get this may all sound really ungrateful, but I feel bad that these people are wasting their time and money getting us things we just don't like. It's not like it's a cardi that I can wear twice when I see them then shove in a drawer until it gets gifted to the local charity shop - these are things people expect to see us use in our home.

AIBU to just not want this stuff?

OP posts:
catattacks · 17/11/2023 12:45

Oops! Sorry. I tagged wrong post

Was laughing at green tomato chutney

LolaSmiles · 17/11/2023 13:38

Lola, I recommend the craftsnark sub on Reddit if you ever want to let off steam about silly stuff other crafters do and say! You will find many like minds.
I don't use Reddit but will go an have a lurk there because it sounds like my kind of crafters.

moggerhanger especially when it's obvious that everyone is getting green tomato chutney to use up a greenhouse surplus rather than because it's nice.

Any generic using up surplus produce gifts annoy me.

I'm teetotal and my DH doesn't drink much. Someone we knew gave us rhubarb gin or rhubarb vodka. I think they missed the audience there.

KAT0779 · 17/11/2023 16:25

I feel really ungrateful saying this but it really pisses me off when people buy something decorative for your home, like if I want decoration I will choose it myself. Its just a total waste of money and will take up space til I take it to the charity shop, then I've bought people what they have asked for (or given cash/gift card at their request) to not really get a present myself! I have started just saying to people "don't buy for us lets just buy for the kids" then they insist on buying a bottle of something and ask what you'd like and then still decide to buy you something different. Oh and whilst requesting cash/vouchers for them!

KAT0779 · 17/11/2023 16:27

Oh and it also makes me wonder if its mostly regifted stuff, like some of the things I have received have made me wonder why on earth they would think I'd like something like that.

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 17/11/2023 16:34

Pinkpinkpink15 · 14/11/2023 10:04

No, you're not being unreasonable to not want things in your home that aren't to your taste.

However, you need to pull up your big girls pants & deal with the situation instead of quietly seething.

like the lovely mirror frame. Take it to the tip. No one else will want it with your names in it. If your friend says anything, just say you're changing the look of your house (you are, to things you like!!) & it no longer (don't say never did!!) fits in to you xyz look. Thank her for the effort she went to, to get it made (or whatever) and being at your wedding (if she was)

Aunty Woodwork - tell her you're going minimalist and are not buying/getting things for your house because you have too much stuff & it saddens you to have to give away the excess.

its not easy, but you have to stick up for yourself & your house.

i think this is why I'm such a terrible gift giver, because I only want to buy things that people will find useful or love.

I tend to buy things that get used up. Food/drink/flowers/good quality hand soap, etc. or 'treats' meal out, voucher for things/places I know they like.

also everyone knows I'm incredibly fussy, so they tend not to buy me 'stuff', especially not 'big/display' stuff.

Also if I do buy a thing, I always say I bought it because I thought they'd like it, but if I've got that wrong, then don't hesitate to pass it on, because there's no obligation to keep things you don't like. The gift is in the giving, it's not an obligation to keep stuff you don't want.

Ditto!!
I'd rather ask them what they'd like to receive than get it terribly wrong!

user1471538283 · 17/11/2023 16:42

It's such a waste of money and resources. Unless I absolutely know what my friends and family want for their homes I tend to buy a gift voucher for make up, meals out, trips to spas.

We've all got enough shit anyway, we don't need anymore.

thecatsthecats · 19/11/2023 02:32

user1471538283 · 17/11/2023 16:42

It's such a waste of money and resources. Unless I absolutely know what my friends and family want for their homes I tend to buy a gift voucher for make up, meals out, trips to spas.

We've all got enough shit anyway, we don't need anymore.

Ahhh, but these can be just as annoying. A voucher is just trapped money. Money you have to jump through hoops to use.

The amount of time I've lost trawling through websites trying to use up gift vouchers. Let alone those stupid "use anywhere" ones. Gee, if only there was a form of currency you could use anywhere...

GaggleTheGoose · 19/11/2023 03:12

I just usually say no thanks and refuse to take it.
My m.i.l once tried to give me a hideous tea set from one of many she had.
She was most offended when I told her to stop trying to give me stuff.

user1471538283 · 19/11/2023 12:07

@thecatsthecats - apologies I mean a voucher for make up (my friend loves an expensive brand). The rest is me paying for meals or spas.

But I do get your point and I give my DS money alot!

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