Stop buying shit they don't like

[youhavebadtaste]

Please, I beg you, as kind and thoughtful as you think you are being, please stop buying people home furnishing, decorative items, artwork, anything that they will feel compelled to display in their homes - unless you are absolutely certain they want it.

Every Christmas, birthday, birth, or any special event that might incur a gift being given I get nervous because I know we are going to be given things by well meaning people that I just absolutely hate and don't want to show in my home.

A few examples;

When we got married a very good friend gave us a mirrored picture frame covered with diamantes spelling our name. It's large, ugly and does not even begin to blend in with our home decor, that is, well, the total opposite. They thought it was absolutely gorgeous, I do not.

An aunt has taken up woodwork and keeps making us things. I have a lump of wood with various place names that vaguely mean something to us, but not massively significant. I have to display it because she's round all the time. It might sound nice but it's poorly made and I just don't like it. I know she has other things lined up and I keep trying to tell her no in a polite way but she doesn't get it.

Another relative gave me a framed print when we moved in to our house. I can see it's very much her taste but it's just not mine.

I get this may all sound really ungrateful, but I feel bad that these people are wasting their time and money getting us things we just don't like. It's not like it's a cardi that I can wear twice when I see them then shove in a drawer until it gets gifted to the local charity shop - these are things people expect to see us use in our home.

AIBU to just not want this stuff?

No presents for adults

Makes everything better

Or ask to be given consumables as you are on a decluttering mission.

I 100% agree.

I have stopped displaying them though and people seem to take the hint bar one lady who recently asked why I was not displaying a mirror that she and her husband bought me and I explained honestly that the mirror was not to my taste and miles to heavy and big for the walls of my house and that I passed it onto to someone who liked it and had the space to hang it. She said she understood completely as they had recently downsized but still got loads of house warming presents that they do not like/ have no use for

My policy with presents it is either something that you asked me for such as an elderly relative of mine ask me if I can find certain old books online for him. Otherwise it personalised gift bags with things like your favourite chocolate. A voucher for you favourite local restaurant.

I agree.

Last year was my first Christmas as a Mum. My ILs can go a bit mad on gifts anyways but every gift I got from them was a 'mum' gift. I had several framed photos of my DS, pebble art etc. Felt like I had to display - they weren't even great photos of my son. The good photos I had already framed in my own style.

I was a little upset after Christmas. I said to my DH I don't want to b ungrateful but you got all these gifts for you as a person and all of mine were for 'Mum'

I don't even want anything fancy - a bit of nice bubble bath and some Hotel Chocolat chocolates would sort me out.

YANBU. I only ever buy anything for the house if I know exactly what’s wanted. E.g. a dd asked once asked for a BIG saucepan, stockpot type, and a pancake pan!

As for people’s craft makes (well most of them) I’m sure you think your cross stitch pics of flowers or fairies etc. are lovely, but please, keep them for yourself!

(Anything made by little Gdcs is of course exempt from my strictures.)

This is definitely something to bear in mind for the next wedding list thread, for the posters who say that they won't be dictated to by a list and prefer to choose their own gift.

I like receiving things I like and hate receiving things I don't...I don't like the waste. I would prefer to be given second hand things only (charity shop or givers own) then there's no environmental guilt. If people don't want to give me second hand stuff then wine is the next best option.

My family are very into gift giving and I've realised that it's kinder to go along with it than try to say "no gifts". They aren't short of money. Although it's really annoying when people ask for really expensive things and give you complete crap in return. This seems to happen a lot with one particular family member. They ask for voucher for really expensive restaurant £70, I got pair of m and s tights in return. They asked for Kew garden membership, got shower gel in return. They are much more generous with the children luckily.

YANBU!

I try to follow marie kondo of having necessary things or things I love. I can control that myself but if others buy me things that don't like or need I will donate them. I feel bad people would spend money on something I will get rid off, so I try to solve this by saying please don't get me anything but they still do.

My bug bear is receiving ornaments. They clutter so I only would buy something myself that I really liked, and I think ornaments are such a personal thing.

I sound ungrateful - really do appreciate the thought. So it gives conflicting feelings and you start to feel guilty.

what a lovely idea

This. I never understand people saying they don’t like giving cash, either. Cash is so easy! Just stick it in a card - and unless the couple are loaded it’s always welcome.

Yes! You have to stop being so ultra polite and being so worried about hurting their feelings that you display ugly stuff in your home!
Maybe I’m lucky but nobody has ever asked me “why aren’t you displaying/ wearing that hideous thing I bought for you”?

I only buy adult family members food and drink, I’d never buy ornaments or paintings. Since most weddings now ask for money and not gifts, that’s a lot easier. I do make a photo book of the family through the year for my mum though because I know she really loves them. I wouldn’t foist photos of my family on anyone else though!

Every Christmas I sit and unwrap gifts and thank the giver, while wondering when the next charity bag will drop through the door. Fortunately I don’t usually have to wait too long. It makes me so sad to think of the wasted time and money but at least it can be passed on to someone who might love it.

DM is the worst culprit. She can’t help herself. Last year I had already told her I’d seen a winter coat I wanted, she said yes and told me to order it (only available online) and she would give me the money. This was great, but then she also bought a weird ear warmer and muff set, an ornament and vase, and a book that I’d already read. The whole lot other than the coat went in the next charity bag. So pointless but also made me feel rubbish too, I can’t really explain why. I would truly rather have nothing at all.

Or the ‘no party gifts’ threads where posters insist that their children love choosing birthday gifts for classmates they barely know and you’re being a snob by asking for no gifts.

YANBU! My ex-bf's family used to make stuff for me like giant cushions that didn't match anything anywhere in the house, which added even more pressure to display it all.

😁😁

I would never try to impose my taste on someone, sheer arrogance. I f given something like this, do not display it , straight to tip or charity shop, otherwise they never learn. Have to be cruel to be kind. Relative of mine kept buying me hideous cheap clothes. Never wore them, message got through. Would prefer bath stuff, chocolates or fizz. Rest is a waste of money.

God yes Christmas hampers. Just why.

YANBU. We were given a huge armillary for the garden (pointy metal sundial thing on a 18" stone plinth). Our children were then at an age when then whole garden was given over to football, climbing frame, rope swings etc so it would have been an incredibly dangerous thing to have anywhere. I had to be honest and return the damned thing!

MIL gave me a few of those godawful faceless Willow figurine things. At least they're easy to get out only for state visits.

I only give hand made stuff if it's something the recipient has asked me to make and most of the time, still no... if they really wanted it, they'd buy it from me (people do).

Rare gifts I have given though.... hand woven silk scarf/pashmina + silver wire wrapped shawl pin. I see the recipient wearing it in photos often, though never round to mine (dogs all over and she encourages them to climb all over her!)...

Miniature cotter pin jointed teddy (6") wearing nalbinded cloak, secured with bronze cloak pin and carrying a leather bound copper headed spear. Because what bronze age bear wouldn't...

They're (and more rather identifiable things) very very niche and so the recipients are also... rather niche people.

The hours of work that go into the weird shit I make means there isn't a fucking hope in hell someones getting something they don't appreciate and truly love.

I also have friends who just say 'not my thing thanks' if offered something not to their tastes (I do have a lot of prototype ideas stuff that gets rehomed else I'll drown in it all, but not everyone wants a 4" embroidered beetle!

Is it really them, or is it you, or is it a combination?

I have to display it because she's round all the time
No. You don't.

I have a significant birthday coming up, and I'm doing my best to ensure it doesn't become a tatfest.

Agree that consumables make the best gifts.

My SIL insists on baking us cakes for each of our birthdays. Problem is she is a terrible cake maker. One year I managed to convince her to make a cake made from fruit. The only one enjoyed so far. Keep telling her not to bother all requests fall on deaf ears.

@TodaysproblemI gifted them 12 framed best couple pictures I could find after stalking their SM accounts. Engagement pic, beautiful wedding day one, holidays etc to all go on the wall.

Sorry I would also hate this 😔 I live with DH, we have some couples photos but a lot are us with friends, family, the DCs etc. I think it's smug when a married couple makes their house a shrine to photos of the two of them only.

I'm very easy to buy for, I love clothes, I drink alcohol and like everything from beer to Bailey's, love chocolate, am quite girly and like beauty products, things with a specific animal on them, things for the house, vouches for most shops, hampers, candles, even the bayliss and Harding sets MN cower at.... But one of DHs friends always gets it wrong. Last year we got a bird feeder for the garden which sounds lovely. But we have cats that go outside. DH friend also has cats. It's like he thinks the item sounds good but doesn't think beyond the practicalities.

It's amazing what sort of strange accidents can happen to stuff I don't like.

YANBU. When growing up, my dad's sister ALWAYS used to send us things like this, and it became a family joke. We actually displayed them when she was visiting and then removed them the second she left - luckily it's v long distance so only an every other year thing!