Stop buying shit they don't like

[youhavebadtaste]

Please, I beg you, as kind and thoughtful as you think you are being, please stop buying people home furnishing, decorative items, artwork, anything that they will feel compelled to display in their homes - unless you are absolutely certain they want it.

Every Christmas, birthday, birth, or any special event that might incur a gift being given I get nervous because I know we are going to be given things by well meaning people that I just absolutely hate and don't want to show in my home.

A few examples;

When we got married a very good friend gave us a mirrored picture frame covered with diamantes spelling our name. It's large, ugly and does not even begin to blend in with our home decor, that is, well, the total opposite. They thought it was absolutely gorgeous, I do not.

An aunt has taken up woodwork and keeps making us things. I have a lump of wood with various place names that vaguely mean something to us, but not massively significant. I have to display it because she's round all the time. It might sound nice but it's poorly made and I just don't like it. I know she has other things lined up and I keep trying to tell her no in a polite way but she doesn't get it.

Another relative gave me a framed print when we moved in to our house. I can see it's very much her taste but it's just not mine.

I get this may all sound really ungrateful, but I feel bad that these people are wasting their time and money getting us things we just don't like. It's not like it's a cardi that I can wear twice when I see them then shove in a drawer until it gets gifted to the local charity shop - these are things people expect to see us use in our home.

AIBU to just not want this stuff?

This has been helpful to me as I’m trying to sort out presents for my sisters and families. One sister loves buying and receiving lots of stocking fillers and I really struggle as a lot of what I receive is tat, and find I end up buying tat in return.
I volunteer in a charity shop and it’s amazing how many unwanted gifts are donated, some are nice, some not so much. We have a section selling homewares and bric a brac and there is stuff you imagine will never sell yet flies off the shelf.

The whole gift buying thing is a nightmare. I’ve had so many utterly shite gifts over the years that have been insulting, thoughtless, inappropriate or just cheap and nasty. I have never wanted recipients of my gifts to feel that way.
I now buy food and drink gifts chosen according to people’s tastes ( NOT those awful ready done mini hampers containing for example a mini Prosecco and half a dozen dodgy chocolates🤮). They seem to be well received. Well, I hope so 😂

You've got to move these things out of sight. 😫 I feel so sorry for you having hideous things you don't like in your home.

I think it's okay to give things as long as you don't expect them to be displayed.

People think they're doing something nice but it's misguided.

My lovely mum has her living room full of this stuff given by people. She cares more about the gesture so I think it's her choice but not for everyone.

Agreed. My ILs also like to give me clothes that I don’t like and won’t wear but they obviously love - why? Just buy it for yourself!

This thread has made me seriously rethink my grandmothers Christmas present. I've just ordered her an Oodie sleep tee instead as I know she likes a nightie!

You win 😂😂😂

I have spent years getting dreadful presents from my in-laws. They buy most of them at Sunday markets with unidentifiable brands and just plain tat. It's such a waste of money. I would rather have a bar of Dairy Milk and save me an annual trip to the charity shop.

YANBU at all. We got several wedding presents I literally took straight to the charity shop (and we had said that if guests wanted to give gifts, to contribute to honeymoon). We only do experience gifts in our family, or consumables. The world is choking, people need to wake up to that.

This reminds me of hearing about somebody's grandmother who collected owl-themed things.

Her whole apartment was full of owl-related items. Pictures, cushions, salt and pepper shakers. Barely an object without an owl motif. She was a lovely lady and people were always giving her things.

When she was in a hospice at the end of her life, she confided to her grandson that she didn't know why everyone kept giving her owls. Somebody had given her an owl tea cosy many years ago. Then somebody else had seen it in use and decided to give her an owl mug for her birthday. And then the whole thing had snowballed on, over decades. She was just too polite and kind to show anything but gratitude for all the gifts. But she didn't especially like owls.

@Plisco ,

It wasn't owls in my case, but I used owls as an example.
Mine was more something like a japanese lucky cat i'd been given on a business trip resulting in all manner of cat ornaments, when I didn't have any pets.

@Plisco I can well imagining that happening.

I have a few candles bought out of politeness at a candle selling party. Been cluttering the cupboard for years.
I decided to try using them up to get rid of them as binning seemed a waste.
Someone saw them thinking I really like candles bought me more - electric ones as they were safer!

Really I didn't need more cupboard clutter.

If you are brave enough to ask if you could exchange it, you get told to give it to the charity shop.

oh dont why do people buy clothes i would never buy someone clothing unless they specifically asked

A friends MIL bought her a huge plastic plaque for the front of her house. A sleek and modern new build grand design type house. A very obvious thing not to put on display. It was so entitled I couldn't believe it.

I buy clothes, but only for people who I know like receiving clothes, and whose taste I understand. If I am in doubt, I include the receipt.
Fortunately, I have a family member who will tell me if other family members weren't keen. I secretly curse the ones who feign delight at a gift that's no use to them.

e.g. Big box of nut chocolates, if they no longer can eat nuts. If they say, 'Oh that's lovely but I can't eat nuts' then I can exchange it for something. If they seem delighted, then I'd probably give them more next year.

For some non-breakable, non-personalised things, you could put them in an Operation Christmas Child shoebox. You never know, a teenage girl in Romania might love some of your glittery knick-knacks.

I always dread having to open up presents in front of people in case I don't like it (DH gets a list to chose from!)
My dsd always used to buy me tat from the pound shop that would end up in the charity shop & I'm not adverse to re-gifting (my eldest dd is the queen of re-gifting!) When I buy for dgc I check with parents & for the eldest dgd I ask her what she wants. Have had to ask dds not to buy DH anymore mugs or bath bombs as he has plenty!

I LOVE gifts that can be enjoyed and used up, worn out or eaten.
Movie money, coffee shop or icecream voucher, herbs, jams or honeys, bathroom usables, writing paper, pens, fruit, cakes, biscuits, and suncreen products, hats, socks, chocolates.

I agree - to buy something for display is very risky.

Someone on my crochet board was asking for ideas about "How can I spend lots of time crocheting all these nicknacks and random toys and maintain my minimalist apartment without clutter?"

Cue a whole bunch of overenthusiastic crocheters urging her to give away all the stuff she crochets as gifts to everyone she knows.

I pointed out that a) it's unethical to declutter by forcibly dumping your clutter onto other people (maybe they also don't want a house full of nicknacks?); b) if she starts a precedent of giving gifts to everyone she knows, they'll all feel obliged to reciprocate and she'll be swamped with ornaments, candles, shower sets, wotsits until the end of time.

Needless to say, I made myself very unpopular in the discussion by hinting to the other posters that not all handmade crochet is attractive and that most people don't want a bunch of acrylic bits-and-pieces all over the house, and that the OP should perhaps consider investing her time in making quality stuff she really needs, like a nice bedspread or cushion covers.

Needless to say, I made myself very unpopular in the discussion by hinting to the other posters that not all handmade crochet is attractive and that most people don't want a bunch of acrylic bits-and-pieces all over the house, and that the OP should perhaps consider investing her time in making quality stuff she really needs, like a nice bedspread or cushion covers.
You are a hero! I wish more people on craft boards and groups would share this view.

I'm making some things for our house and clothing, which takes ages and means learning new techniques rather than seeking the quick fix dopamine high of making a mini narwhal or crochet cactus in an afternoon.

I keep my fingers to myself when some makers insist that their family and friends want a random wall hanging, door stop, crochet figure and stuff they haven't asked for.

Lola, I recommend the craftsnark sub on Reddit if you ever want to let off steam about silly stuff other crafters do and say! You will find many like minds.

I've seen quilters gifting people quilts they made without asking the person, and then complaining when it didn't get quite the response they wanted. As another poster pointed out, a quilt is a signature piece that makes a huge difference to the style of the room; giving someone a quilt and expecting them to use it, is a bit like walking into someone's house and deciding to rearrange the objects on the shelves etc. I thought that was a good analogy.

Can I also throw homemade chutney into the fray? Especially green tomato. There is a reason that green tomato chutney is not available in supermarkets or delis, and that is because it is utterly minging. So why people think their friends would like a jar as a gift, I cannot fathom.

'@moggerhanger , hear, hear!

Literally just here to salute the phrase "the quick fix dopamine high of making a mini narwhal"

🤣