Stop buying shit they don't like

[youhavebadtaste]

Please, I beg you, as kind and thoughtful as you think you are being, please stop buying people home furnishing, decorative items, artwork, anything that they will feel compelled to display in their homes - unless you are absolutely certain they want it.

Every Christmas, birthday, birth, or any special event that might incur a gift being given I get nervous because I know we are going to be given things by well meaning people that I just absolutely hate and don't want to show in my home.

A few examples;

When we got married a very good friend gave us a mirrored picture frame covered with diamantes spelling our name. It's large, ugly and does not even begin to blend in with our home decor, that is, well, the total opposite. They thought it was absolutely gorgeous, I do not.

An aunt has taken up woodwork and keeps making us things. I have a lump of wood with various place names that vaguely mean something to us, but not massively significant. I have to display it because she's round all the time. It might sound nice but it's poorly made and I just don't like it. I know she has other things lined up and I keep trying to tell her no in a polite way but she doesn't get it.

Another relative gave me a framed print when we moved in to our house. I can see it's very much her taste but it's just not mine.

I get this may all sound really ungrateful, but I feel bad that these people are wasting their time and money getting us things we just don't like. It's not like it's a cardi that I can wear twice when I see them then shove in a drawer until it gets gifted to the local charity shop - these are things people expect to see us use in our home.

AIBU to just not want this stuff?

@WiddlinDiddlin I now really want a 4" embroidered beetle. Sounds just my sort of thing!

My MIL is a terrible regifter. I've been given back things I've given her but also it means I get some serious tat. She's never asked what happens to any of it so it's just given to Charity shops.

I have others that give poor presents often high-value. I was worried about them disappearing but again, the givers have never asked what happened to things.

I totally get where you are coming from, I use to get lots of tat off my MIL. She had to do Christmas stockings. But I aren't your typical girlie girl. So it would be stuff I didn't like or use. A credit card size light to fit in your handbag. Errm I will use my phones torch function.
Loads of shower gel, when I prefer baths.
Eventually my sister in law, told her mum, just to buy one big present and spend more on the kids. I had been trying to get my partner to tell his mum this for years.
Sadly the big present, isn't any better. Last time I got a big bubble bath range, but it's very fragranced. I have sensitive skin, so I can only use un purfumed stuff. Which my MIL knows, as we have told her and she did by the simple shower gel, but I guess she forgot this time around. Luckily it got re-gifted.
My mum has made me some necklaces to wear, which are knickle free. (I am allergic to nickel) but this isn't why I don't wear necklaces, I just don't like jewellery. Now I have 20 of these necklaces. She said I could give them to my friends. (not if I want them, ti still be friends I won't.

Just stop buying Christmas gifts for others, tell them col is too high and everyone can save their money by not buying for you either. Problem solved.

I wish people would stop buying me candles, I have cats, so there is a safety issue, but no every Xmas and Birthday I get given them!

I ALWAYS give a receipt with express permission to exchange for something else. Even on books I buy for people. Some things are just too personal to be able to guess if someone will like it.

Probably sentient by now. I wouldn't go up there, if I were you . . .

@JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit yes we also received pebble art personalised with two of our names spelt wrong.

this might be outing … I ask for shower gel. as I am incredibly fussy and don’t really like receiving gifts. I love shower gel and not bothered which type.

I’m so glad this isn’t just me. I always feel incredibly ungrateful when I’m gifted something that I know I’ll never use / enjoy.
Thankfully my close family are happy to ask for suggestions. My Mum has now started asking me to buy a few (small) things if I see anything and give them to her to wrap.

Think I've found my people on this thread. My oldest friend is someone I've known for decades. She is rather parsimonious. In all the time I've known her, she has only given me one gift that I've liked enough to keep. Nearly everything I've had from her has been awful. Dolls with china faces, cheap 'art' to hang on walls, plastic plants . . . I did eventually say let's not bother as the post is so expensive. A completely different friend is a brilliant present giver: she asked what I wanted and I said something to hang on the wall in a particular place. She found something perfect, very relevant to me.

My problem is I am quite fussy. I can afford to buy what I want for myself. I would say, go for quality not quantity. Small boxes of very expensive chocolates, half bottles of pudding wine, special cheese, flowers, plants, room scents with reed diffusers, washable fluffy slippers, wool socks, wool gloves . . .

I'm currently knitting hats for half my acquaintance. This probably puts me in the category of crafters who can't craft but at least I'm choosing colours I know people will like.

YANBU. Going through a similar thing here with baby stuff. People mean well but I don’t want my child wearing that/ don’t want your old stuff.

My (in every other way lovely) MIL bought me a plastic paperweight the other day - it has plastic flowers set in it. Just why? 😂Even if I popped into a time machine to do admin in the 90s, it isn't heavy enough to weigh the papers down. Apparently it was 50p from a charity shop. I will let the baby investigate it for a while, then back to the charity shop it goes!

Actual conversation between me and my Minlaw.

"What happened to that bag I bought you for Xmas?"
"I was able to exchange it for something more to my taste, thanks so much"

She used to also buy us family photo shoots when most of our family hate having our photo taken and then got fed up that we had wasted her money by not using it.

She took the hump and we no longer exchange gifts.

This is so true. I have one relative I always ask for things like clothes and jewelry because though her taste isn't quite the same as mine she normally gets things I love and it's a refreshing spin on things.

From other people pretty much exactly what you have described is the perfect range of gifts.

*except the room scents with reed diffusers which normally give me the most appalling asthma.

When they are present in Airbnb I stay in I have to collect them all up and hide them in a cupboard.

Tell them you are becoming minimalist and getting rid of 80% of your stuff, and won’t be bringing anything new into the fold.

I agree 100% with this sand actually think it's quite inconsiderate of people. Surely they go through some kind of thought process as to will the giftee actually like this thing ? I like giving vouchers for this reason .We don't actually give alot of adult presents just a £50 family secret santa and children get presents - of course !

Agree with this wholeheartedly. I only crochet requests. I'm just finishing the 3rd scarf in a row (3 people asked for one 😭.) You have to know your audience with homemade gifts.

Not the point but I struggle to understand why crafters are using itchy wool there's so much nicer stuff around!

Just bin it. I’ve stopped displaying things now in the hope they get the hint.

My worst one was a framed picture made of fabric and buttons etc. on my wedding day. Not only was it ugly, pink when my home in all neutral colours but it had a bride and groom on it when we are a same sex couple. It went straight in the bin!

I’m a rubbish gift giver (but then again, based on this thread, giving nothing would be seen as a blessing by many). I’ve wasted ages trying to think of something personal, often not bothered and then have felt guilty. It’s considered rude by many to arrive empty handed - I’ve agonised over the right bottle of wine or chocolates to take somewhere. I know if can be regifted but then what’s the point at all?

We don’t bother with adult gifts and the children do a list. But even that adds to my mental load as I have to explain everything that’s on it, and end up having to triage it so we don’t get too much tat. Same reason I opt out of secret Santa now.

It’s such a pointless endless cycle of buying stuff, sending it to the charity shop for someone else to do the same.

One problem I have is admiring something (it’s nice, but doesn’t mean I want it) or saying that something is nice just to make small talk. Cue me receiving that as a gift later on. I feel I have to be careful what I say.

I've just had a flashback to the mirrored picture of a hare with a shiny frame. It was big! Sold it on the car boot. The person who bought it loves me very much but obviously doesn't know me very well.

People deciding you collect on an animal theme when you don't is something that bemuses me a bit.

I was once on another site where my username rather randomly referenced an animal and I did have a couple of small plushies of that animal. But then some of my friends made there decided that I wanted gifts of that particular animal, so I'd receive quokka/seal/wolverine plushies and pins and fabric things.

Not too bad but I felt guilty rehoming these things as they were sent with love and in one case hand knitted! I've kept most of them and just got rid of the ones I liked least or took up the most space.

Then somehow a real life friend found out about this and now I get flamingo/wombat/T-Rex stuff from her as well as a yearly calendar. I'm sure I've made plaintive "but I don't collect voles/tigers/budgies" pleas but it falls on deaf ears..... It's all very sweet in a certain way just rather puzzling. Also it becomes hard to say you don't collect something when in actual fact you do have a collection of that thing because you were given so much of it.

(animals listed are not the actual animal) 😁

YANBU, I hate this too. MIL used to be terrible for it but she’s thankfully given up since covid I’d say. She used to bring huge sacks of shite she’d found in charity shops and expected us to fall over ourselves with glee. I’m an English lecturer so she thinks I just read anything and would ditch a bunch of crappy vampire books in our house fully expecting me to be over the moon. It just caused hassle, we had to take it all back to a charity shop…

I totally agree with this.
MIL thinks I like pottery (which I do like certain bits of pottery) but keeps getting us the ugliest jugs/ vases!
Also knick knacks from people is my pet peeve. I like an uncluttered home so really don't want to fill it up with bits that I don't even like.

That reminds me of a question asked on a knitting site. The poster wanted to know what to knit for someone who doesn’t like handknits. Surprisingly the answer of nothing didn’t come up until half a dozen posts in.