Stop buying shit they don't like

[youhavebadtaste]

Please, I beg you, as kind and thoughtful as you think you are being, please stop buying people home furnishing, decorative items, artwork, anything that they will feel compelled to display in their homes - unless you are absolutely certain they want it.

Every Christmas, birthday, birth, or any special event that might incur a gift being given I get nervous because I know we are going to be given things by well meaning people that I just absolutely hate and don't want to show in my home.

A few examples;

When we got married a very good friend gave us a mirrored picture frame covered with diamantes spelling our name. It's large, ugly and does not even begin to blend in with our home decor, that is, well, the total opposite. They thought it was absolutely gorgeous, I do not.

An aunt has taken up woodwork and keeps making us things. I have a lump of wood with various place names that vaguely mean something to us, but not massively significant. I have to display it because she's round all the time. It might sound nice but it's poorly made and I just don't like it. I know she has other things lined up and I keep trying to tell her no in a polite way but she doesn't get it.

Another relative gave me a framed print when we moved in to our house. I can see it's very much her taste but it's just not mine.

I get this may all sound really ungrateful, but I feel bad that these people are wasting their time and money getting us things we just don't like. It's not like it's a cardi that I can wear twice when I see them then shove in a drawer until it gets gifted to the local charity shop - these are things people expect to see us use in our home.

AIBU to just not want this stuff?

I have a solution which is to live in a slightly obscure part of America where almost none of our uk family ever visits.

The occasional well meaning gift I would never display has gone straight to the thrift shop with a clear conscience.

One family member when we moved in very kindly asked if he could get us something that said 'new home'. I interpreted it metaphorically and said it would be wonderful to have a contribution to some rugs we needed to buy 😁

Can you ask people to not do gifts? I only buy for DH and DS. Means our tiny house isn't full of crap we'll never use.

I bought my sister a picture I loved and thought she would like for her birthday, it was an original and not cheap. I gave it to her on the understanding that it she didn't like it she would give it back to me for my birthday a few months later. Not ideal, as I know it would have been better to have given her something she would have liked to keep, but I did really think she would like it.
I think it can be really difficult to know what other people like (apart from the obvious minimalist/bling type of thing), but if somebody has made an effort to find you something they do think you would like then it WBVU to be rude about it.
We have a hand decorated plate on display in our living room that my (adult) step daughter made for our wedding. It is horrible (we both agree on that), but we will never get rid of it. It is a reminder of a very special day, and of our daughter who has since died.

Do none of these people know you well enough to choose gifts that you'll actually like?

I can't say I've had this issue come up too often, but then nor would I display/wear/use something that isn't my taste just to keep someone else happy.

Do none of these people know you well enough to choose gifts that you'll actually like?

Obviously not, or they wouldn't persist. It's the people I'd love to stop exchanging presents with that are the worst for these impersonal personal gifts, but they won't hear of stopping - God knows I've tried.

I agree. My mum bought me a Pandora bracelet and every year at Christmas and on my birthday would buy me charms to go on the bracelet. I hate Pandora bracelets and charms, I never wore it and in the end I had to tell my mother to stop buying the charms. We have such different taste, she still buys me things as if I’m a teenager and I’m in my 40s!

I think even though the friend I moaned about up thread cares about me deeply (as did a late aunt who bought piles of shite too) in their cases the pleasure of giving almost anything outweighs needing to consider the receiving pleasure on your end. It isn't just missing the mark or hating shopping, it really is sending any old tat. I love her anyway, no one is perfect!

YANBU. I remember when my eldest was born we were gifted some handmade decorative items from various people which were hit and miss on quality, but none of it was anything we'd ever get for ourselves at all. And we didn't have anything up of our own choosing either so it made it even more obvious (various reasons for that). The givers were offended that we didn't display them, but it did stop them gifting us more handmade stuff which was appreciated!

I am a crafter as well and I have made things for others, but I wouldn't gift something, especially something that had hours of effort put in like one of the things we received, without knowing absolutely that the person would enjoy it! I generally ask before I make, or I make it with them in mind and ask if they'd like it once it's complete (no deadlines that way!)

This! I asked for what I would like and said a type of vase from IKEA for Christmas one year. It was a max £2 each for one, local to them whereas it takes either a 45 min drive with DH or a bus, train, and walk for one ikea and two trains and a bus to another going on my own. Received something else that was more expensive and was bog standard gift that made me wonder why ask in the first place yet saying “no gifts for me” is an issue.

It’s worse with the kids. They have more than enough toys, books, etc and with our oldest (8) being autistic, it can be a bit of an issue since he does sometimes put some toys with little pieces in his mouth or with the youngest he’s been given toys that we not only already have but are for children 2+ years younger than him even though we have said specific items when asked based on their interest. We’ve kept it to activities that they both enjoy and doesn’t clutter our home.

I’m doing a massive decluttering again and don’t want anymore unnecessary stuff added.

Total waste of money and waste of stuff

do not display this stuff. Otherwise they will think you like it

we have loads of stuff than inlaws have bought. Bit by bit, im getting rid

My solution this xmas is go not give or receive any gifts. Only gifts for my kids allowed. Still have box with crap I got last Xmas.

Can you ‘display’ them out of sight? Spare bedroom?

My sisters and I agreed - we said to all the family, No more presents for adults, we'll put it all to getting the kids what they'd like, or money to save or buy what they'd like. One daughter in law tried to insist, persisted in buying things we didn't want because she loves spending money they don't have. We said, politely, please don't, and she took offence. Her problem.
Kids happy. Other adults grateful not to have more clutter.

I was given one of these but worse.

I hate this kind of twee shit. I have nothing on any of my walls. I've never displayed it.

YANBU.
My MIL hoards tat and passes it on to you ...no idea why she seems to think we'll like it.
I like things minimalist and modern and she likes old fashioned gaudy type stuff. I've already told them we are only buying gifts for the kids this Christmas. I've got enough crap as it is 🤣

One of my mum's friends keeps knitting her hats and jumpers for Christmas and expecting her to wear them and she once made DD a bunny rabbit toy.
But the thing is she's a terrible knitter! The tension is all wrong and the stuff falls apart plus it's obviously cheap wool and colours that were basement. I wouldn't for shame give it to anyone if I was her!

God I sound so like an ungrateful bitch! 🙈😆

*bargain basement!

YANBU!

I hate when people buy me stuff for the home (unless it's a candle as those run out).

A few years ago my SIL noticed my screensaver on my phone that was a photo of DH, both of our DDs and I at my sister's wedding. She commented that it was a lovely photo and asked if I would send it to her. I was confused 😐 but obliged.

At Christmas we received that same photo emblazoned onto a clock. The image was distorted as it had been enlarged, it looked like it had been taken on a potato.

We had to display it as it was a gift but it was placed behind a door. We've moved since and I have no idea where it went.

No your not being unreasonable. I truly believe in life there are two groups of people, the "tat buyers" and "unfortunate tat receivers". Sorry to say your in the latter (like myself) and I don't know how to stop it 😆

We got married in September and I now have 2 very large carved wooden presents I have no idea what to do with it. The thought behind it is lovely so they make me stile but giant carved animals and a large wooden board (no idea what it’s for) all engraved in a very small house are not ideal! Weird!

Lots of people at work buy Christmas presents for aunties, cousins, nieces etc etc. They buy them rubbish they don’t need and receive the same crap back. None of them are high earners. What a total waste. Why not make it about kids only and also not make it a competition between parents: look how big the pile of presents for our kids are. They don’t need all that stuff!! Merry Christmas!!

If people gift stuff that's had a great deal of thought-about their own taste & desires-put into it, then I feel no obligation whatsoever to be coerced into unsettling my home with their ego on display. I've not got enough space for an appeasement room/wall/shelf.
So, put it in a drawer.
As for the home-made fuel offcuts: is she at primary school?

Laura, is that you? 😉

Do none of these people know you well enough to choose gifts that you'll actually like?

The people that know me well, know that I would prefer to receive nothing. Because I’ve told them.

I am bemused by the threads that appear on MN every year “DH says he doesn’t want anything… what do I get him?” Do him the compliment of taking him seriously and get him nothing!

You are not being unreasonable.

I have a Scandi style house and relatives say how lovely it is and then buy me things that bear no resemblance to Scandi style (think glitter and mirrored-style objects). I've also been given Wedgewood and Ladro.

i feel obliged to display them for at least a month before quietly shipping them off to the charity shop or tip.

I'm tempted now to just get rid of them straight away so it doesn't encourage the habit.

I always encourage people to buy me chocolates or candles for this very reason.

I wish i knew what goes through people's minds when they buy these things! 'Oh look - a painted flamingo! Just the thing for Stone!' 🤣

Yes, I know I'm ungrateful.

When we got married someone close to us gave us a large and hideous cross stitch picture with some sort of naff motto. They didnt even make it themselves, it was a special commission.

Fortunately we spent a few years renovating the house and then the person got too old to visit so never knew it had gone in a skip.

I took a niece shopping for an art print of her choosing. What she chose was not all what I expected which goes to show how easy it is to get things wrong.