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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband pissed on my clothes whilst drunk

223 replies

Middleagedmisunderstood · 12/11/2023 01:25

AIBU

so last weekend hubby and I had a rare night out. To be fair we were both worse for wear. I came home, went to bed and was comatose until the morning. I got up…..he was downstairs making coffee. I put my dressing gown on and it was wet! It had been hanging on the back of the bedroom door. All down the back of it was wet. I couldn’t figure out why it was wet and there was no wet on the floor. So I went downstairs and told him about it and he very casually admitted he had got up for the loo in the middle of the night and didn’t make it further than the door and he had (accidentally) pissed on my clothes that were hanging up.

I’m not happy. I’ve been drunk but I’ve never pissed on anyone’s clothes! He is treating this incident like it’s a normality and I’m being unreasonable for feeling otherwise. I’ve kept quiet all week because we had a big celebration this week and I didn’t want to spoil it.

however. We work together in the same place and on Friday I learned he had having a great big joke about how drunk he was and how he couldn’t get out his bedroom door. I find this totally juvenile and nothing to laugh about. Still embarrassed and humiliated that my husband pissed on my clothes I finished the story off and told everyone he missed out the part where he pissed on his wife’s clothes. Needless to say I’m now the bad person for finishing off his story. I was mad, I was humiliated and I probably shouldn’t have said what I did. But even tonight I am in the wrong for not just brushing this off and treating as nothing.

the man pissed on my clothes!

AIBU ?

OP posts:
MariaLuna · 12/11/2023 01:28

You even need to ask??!I

Revolting thing to do.

Tell him he needs nappies, see how he responds.

DysmalRadius · 12/11/2023 01:31

So he knew he had pissed on your clothes and he just then there for you to discover /wear/deal with? Minging.

Jeannie88 · 12/11/2023 01:36

Tbh after my initial outrage I would find it quite funny, a bit of the out of normal realm madness that you can use to your advantage for a while? Sometimes these moments do make life a bit more interesting and funny, bit of extra washing. Also pretty amazing he could aim.thay high when totally pissed! X

MonsteraMama · 12/11/2023 01:36

It's the fact he just left it there that would really bother me most (not that the pissing isn't absolutely grotty behaviour, and I've been messy drunk many a time).

He could've at least put it in the wash and apologised profusely. Wanker.

transformandriseup · 12/11/2023 01:37

I would be more mad that he left it a week without saying anything and not washed it for you once he was sober

Really gross though.

Original poster
Middleagedmisunderstood · 12/11/2023 01:38

I guess I need to ask because after 25 years of similar disrespectful incidents I’m finally getting the confidence together to realise that this isn’t normal and it’s not ok and I want something better for my life ☹️

OP posts:
NeurodivergentBurnout · 12/11/2023 01:41

The moment my (now X!)H pissed on the landing instead of making it to the bathroom, I knew my marriage was over. It had been a slippery slope. He was so pissed he kept trying to clean it up with loo roll and refused to listen when I said he needed to fetch cleaning items from downstairs. I’d recently had a bad injury and I physically couldn’t get it myself. He did eventually but we were at loggerheads for what felt like hours while he refused to get it.
I think you’ve lost the control of the situation by telling a group but if he’s at that point….and worst of all he’s showing no remorse…this is a red flag.

HerRoyalNotness · 12/11/2023 01:42

I can get it, if it was an accident and really couldn’t make it to the loo (although I never have done it) but to not clean it up and wash your stuff. Despicable, dirty, prick.

WhichEllie · 12/11/2023 01:59

Obviously it’s vile and he should be contrite when he sobers up and realizes that he ruined your stuff. He should also offer to replace it.

I will say though that, having three brothers, men piss on things when they’re drunk. Hopefully they piss on something outside, but sometimes they piss on things inside because they are drunk and stupid. Things my brothers (or their friends) have admitted to pissing on or in whilst drunk: kitchen sinks, plant pots, fountains, closets, armchairs, pillows, showers/bathtubs, coat racks, each other’s shoes, their own shoes, umbrella stands, car tyres, patio furniture, ornamental orange trees, a dog bed, and an oven(?!).

So I wouldn’t take it personally, but I would make sure he made up for it.

Happiestonthebeach · 12/11/2023 02:05

My husband sleepwalks, which is more common when he’s had a drink or he’s in an unfamiliar room so I could forgive the weeing.

however knowing he had wee-d on your clothes and leaving them there for you to put on is gross and almost unforgivable. I would be mighty annoyed!

FictionalCharacter · 12/11/2023 02:06

Disgusting. I knew someone whose girlfriend left him because he kept coming home very drunk and pissing all over their house, and I don’t blame her.

Kitkatcatflap · 12/11/2023 02:07

Why would he not throw them in the washing machine, especially as he woke before you and was aware of what he had done. I would struggle to come back from that major 'ick'.

Original poster
Middleagedmisunderstood · 12/11/2023 02:20

Well I’m sat here now being very honest about how humiliated I am and telling him that if he is pissing on peoples clothes and possessions when he is drunk then he has a problem that needs to be sorted. I’m just getting abuse and being told how it’s my fault. It’s classic abuse/controlling/coercive behaviour? I know it is.

I thank everyone who has given an opinion or an answer. I know in myself I need to sort this and get out of what I’m experiencing. I needed some endorsement. I don’t know if pissing on my clothes was the worst thing that could happen to me? But it feels like a catalyst as being totally unacceptable to me. I don’t have much much I felt so upset at having what I do own casually pissed on by someone who clearly doesn’t care.

thank you everyone ❤️

OP posts:
slore · 12/11/2023 02:20

This would be vile enough if a teenager did it.

It is disgusting and disrespectful. Not only that he did it at all, but that he didn't clean it up when he realised, and didn't apologise.

Jewelspun · 12/11/2023 02:27

Why haven't your realised that after 25 years of similar incidents that drinking to excess is not a good idea? Both of you, not just him.

Gettingbysomehow · 12/11/2023 02:41

If that was my husband I'd rub his damned nose in it like a dog.

gillefc82 · 12/11/2023 02:44

About 2/3 years into our relationship, my DH got so sh*tfaced on holiday that after putting him to bed, he woke up, squatted at the end of the bed and proceeded to have a wee and a poo.

He then managed to make it to the bathroom where he started noisily being sick. This which woke me up and when I got up to check on him, I stood in it!

Needless to say, he was made to clean up all trace of his overindulgence from the toilet, the shower (he jumped in the shower to start cleaning himself, but was rather premature and ended up being sick whilst the hot shower was going) and the bedroom floor (thankfully tiled) with no help from me.

It was disgusting and I told him that no amount of alcohol justified that. However, the reason why he isn’t an ex is that in the now 13 years we’ve been together, he has only been drunk to the point of vomiting on 3 occasions and there’s been no repeat of the mid-toileting incident!

If you DH has shown this kind of disrespectful behaviour to you before, I think you need to be taking steps to exit the relationship.

Pinkbonbon · 12/11/2023 03:00

Has he firm for passive aggressive behaviour towards you? For doing things that make you feel small or undervalued? For showing you up at gatherings and events?

If so, I'd assume this was part of that bs. And I'd leave him because he clearly likes hurting you.

QueenofTerrasen · 12/11/2023 03:11

What is it with all these blokes on mumsnet pissing all over everything when they've had a drink??

Ponderingwindow · 12/11/2023 03:22

QueenofTerrasen · 12/11/2023 03:11

What is it with all these blokes on mumsnet pissing all over everything when they've had a drink??

if they are drinking so much that they lose bladder control, they need to rethink their entire lives. Yet there are posters who act like this is entirely normal.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 12/11/2023 03:32

why on a mainly female site do we not have thread after thread of women pissing in places other than toilets.
hen night pissed in the car home, baby shower pissed in the park bushes, shopping nipped behind to the ally, oh and never cleaning up adequately or in a timely fashion.
it's grim and lazy and yes disrespectful.

Hibiscrubbed · 12/11/2023 03:33

He knew he’d done it and he just left your clothes there, covered in his piss?! He’s disgusting.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 12/11/2023 03:35

So he was more than happy for people to know he got so drunk he couldn't open a door, that he told them himself like it was a hilarious situation. He was only embarrassed when you told them that meant he acted like a child who isn't potty trained and pissed on your clothes, AND was a complete dick of knowing what he did the next morning, and didn't clean up after himself like a bloody adult. He 100% deserves to be embarrassed!

VeganStar · 12/11/2023 04:13

What I’m finding strange is you said the floor wasn’t wet.
How was the floor not wet?
Did gravity suddenly stop working?
He’s grabbed your clothes and pissed INTO them in a way as to make sure that no piss hit the floor!
Calculating and gross!

Trez1510 · 12/11/2023 04:15

WhichEllie · 12/11/2023 01:59

Obviously it’s vile and he should be contrite when he sobers up and realizes that he ruined your stuff. He should also offer to replace it.

I will say though that, having three brothers, men piss on things when they’re drunk. Hopefully they piss on something outside, but sometimes they piss on things inside because they are drunk and stupid. Things my brothers (or their friends) have admitted to pissing on or in whilst drunk: kitchen sinks, plant pots, fountains, closets, armchairs, pillows, showers/bathtubs, coat racks, each other’s shoes, their own shoes, umbrella stands, car tyres, patio furniture, ornamental orange trees, a dog bed, and an oven(?!).

So I wouldn’t take it personally, but I would make sure he made up for it.

Pretty much this. I'm sure men pissing in a closet (or similar) whilst incredibly drunk or sleepwalking or disoriented in an unfamiliar place is fairly common.

One night I was awakened by our burglar alarm screeching. I staggered half-asleep into the hall switching on the light as I did so.

What greeted me was the sight of my (now ex-) husband standing facing into a spare bedroom, penis in hand with an extremely bemused look on his face. He was drunk and sleepwalking. Apparently the alarm wakened him as it had me.

He was naturally mortified and he cleaned up his mistake, apologised to the neighbours and took me out for a really decent meal.

His 'accident' was only one of the many, many, many stories told in our families/friendship group of such events.

For sure, though, he'd have been an ex a heck of a lot sooner if he'd behaved like OPs husband or it was a regular event.