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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband pissed on my clothes whilst drunk

223 replies

Middleagedmisunderstood · 12/11/2023 01:25

AIBU

so last weekend hubby and I had a rare night out. To be fair we were both worse for wear. I came home, went to bed and was comatose until the morning. I got up…..he was downstairs making coffee. I put my dressing gown on and it was wet! It had been hanging on the back of the bedroom door. All down the back of it was wet. I couldn’t figure out why it was wet and there was no wet on the floor. So I went downstairs and told him about it and he very casually admitted he had got up for the loo in the middle of the night and didn’t make it further than the door and he had (accidentally) pissed on my clothes that were hanging up.

I’m not happy. I’ve been drunk but I’ve never pissed on anyone’s clothes! He is treating this incident like it’s a normality and I’m being unreasonable for feeling otherwise. I’ve kept quiet all week because we had a big celebration this week and I didn’t want to spoil it.

however. We work together in the same place and on Friday I learned he had having a great big joke about how drunk he was and how he couldn’t get out his bedroom door. I find this totally juvenile and nothing to laugh about. Still embarrassed and humiliated that my husband pissed on my clothes I finished the story off and told everyone he missed out the part where he pissed on his wife’s clothes. Needless to say I’m now the bad person for finishing off his story. I was mad, I was humiliated and I probably shouldn’t have said what I did. But even tonight I am in the wrong for not just brushing this off and treating as nothing.

the man pissed on my clothes!

AIBU ?

OP posts:
TheCrystalPalace · 12/11/2023 09:16

How has he managed to twist this around to make it your fault?

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 12/11/2023 09:17

Glad you are finding your anger and self-worth OP.

I’m also shocked that he knew he had pissed on your dressing gown but just left it there, he didn’t put it in the wash as soon as he realised.

He is a massive dickhead OP, divorce him.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 12/11/2023 09:19

YANBU

Fucking gross

I hate alcohol

Caerulea · 12/11/2023 09:20

ReverendBlueJeans · 12/11/2023 08:49

He is pathetic and immature. He should have apologised sincerely and offered to make amends.
You did nothing wrong but can you see how not dealing with it calmly at the time (you kept quiet so as to not spoil an event later in the week) meant you stuffed down your resentment/ anger/ humiliation until it came out in a bad, unproductive way- and now he probably won't listen to YOUR point of view because you have humiliated him in front of all his colleagues.

Perhaps OP could pass your comment on to her husband, he might not yet have used this angle to make sure she's carrying some blame for this...

MrsFawkes · 12/11/2023 09:20

Middleagedmisunderstood · 12/11/2023 01:38

I guess I need to ask because after 25 years of similar disrespectful incidents I’m finally getting the confidence together to realise that this isn’t normal and it’s not ok and I want something better for my life ☹️

Start today!
Get your act together.
Small steps to get away from him.
But … stop drinking so much yourself. It’s not wise. It wrecks your liver.

Morningtroubles · 12/11/2023 09:22

QueenofTerrasen · 12/11/2023 03:11

What is it with all these blokes on mumsnet pissing all over everything when they've had a drink??

This! I am only on page 1 of this thread but to hear women minimizing this by saying, ‘oh you can have a laugh about it!’ Or ‘oh it’s just what men do’.

No it isn’t. I’ve never had a man do that. None of my friends have ever told me tales of their H’s doing that.

It’s not normal behaviour. It’s not something ‘they can’t help’.

It’s chosen behaviour, disgusting and not to be tolerated.

Greenpolkadot · 12/11/2023 09:23

My ex used to open the wardrobe door and piss all over the clothes
It was the death nell when i woke once night to feel him pissing up my back in his sleep.
Fucking hated him..

VickyEadieofThigh · 12/11/2023 09:25

WhichEllie · 12/11/2023 01:59

Obviously it’s vile and he should be contrite when he sobers up and realizes that he ruined your stuff. He should also offer to replace it.

I will say though that, having three brothers, men piss on things when they’re drunk. Hopefully they piss on something outside, but sometimes they piss on things inside because they are drunk and stupid. Things my brothers (or their friends) have admitted to pissing on or in whilst drunk: kitchen sinks, plant pots, fountains, closets, armchairs, pillows, showers/bathtubs, coat racks, each other’s shoes, their own shoes, umbrella stands, car tyres, patio furniture, ornamental orange trees, a dog bed, and an oven(?!).

So I wouldn’t take it personally, but I would make sure he made up for it.

I have two brothers and - prior to meeting and making a life with my female partner - lived with 3 different men (3 years, 3 years, 13 years). Not a single one of these pissed themselves or pissed in the house other than in the toilet.

Some women need to stop excusing appalling men in their lives.

Planesmistakenforstars · 12/11/2023 09:26

Tbh after my initial outrage I would find it quite funny, a bit of the out of normal realm madness that you can use to your advantage for a while? Sometimes these moments do make life a bit more interesting and funny, bit of extra washing. Also pretty amazing he could aim.thay high when totally pissed! X

Yes, hahahaha! Whatever would a woman do without these hilarious animals making life so fun and interesting by pissing on our clothes and not bothering to clear it up! Of course it only creates extra washing for her, and not for him xxx

TooOldForThisNonsense · 12/11/2023 09:28

Greenpolkadot · 12/11/2023 09:23

My ex used to open the wardrobe door and piss all over the clothes
It was the death nell when i woke once night to feel him pissing up my back in his sleep.
Fucking hated him..

OMG

So glad he’s an ex

Morningtroubles · 12/11/2023 09:32

Sadly this is entirely normal drunk man behaviour

No it’s not.

My mam always told me to sleep with one eye open when your man is drunk because he will piss anywhere!

Your Mam should have told you to dump the ass of any man up who pisses all over your house.

Men don’t have to do this. I have never pissed over things in my house. I don’t know any woman who has. So men can control themselves too. The only reason some ( disgusting) men do this is because they get away with it because the women in their lives tolerate it as ‘something all men do’ or ‘a laugh’ or their mums have told them to ‘keep one eye open as you sleep with a drunk man’ rather than telling them to ditch such a sorry specimen.

Mackeroo · 12/11/2023 09:34

I wouldn't stay two minutes with a man who pissed anywhere but where they should due to being drunk. To then ignore and not clean up when it was on your clothing is disgusting and disrespectful.

AnnunciataZ · 12/11/2023 09:34

"Men piss on things when drunk" "amazing that he could aim that high" "it makes life more interesting"

Christ! Some of you seriously need to raise your standards. If pissing everywhere is what makes life interesting then I'll stick with a boring life TYVM!

EnterFunnyNameHere · 12/11/2023 09:36

I think both men and women have the capacity to get blind drunk and do stupid things. However, in the vast majority of cases, I suspect if a woman was so drunk she pissed in a cupboard she just wouldn't get this drunk again! Probably since she'd be the one cleaning it up, and societally women are supposed to be these dainty things, so there'd be a lot more shame attached to the behaviour.

Men however seem to get away with it on the basis of "boys will be boys", and just let someone else do the cleaning up.

I think it's pathetic. I imagine the posters condoning this rank behaviour wouldn't not be doing the same if it was a woman pissing all over her husbands clothes, not cleaning up then making a joke about the "fun parts" of the story to friends. If my DH did this and wasn't extremely remorseful, cleaning everything up the next day and never doing it again I'd be gone. It also sounds like in OPs case its just another example of disrespectful behaviour - and why would you want to be married to someone who doesn't respect you?

Whalewatchers · 12/11/2023 09:36

He'll be shitting in your slippers next, mark my words

Janinejones · 12/11/2023 09:36

Pissing can become a way of demonstrating dominance. Half way to rape.
It was deliberate, and shows that he really does feel that you are inferior to him and his maleness.
In vino veritas.

TheRealLilyMunster · 12/11/2023 09:39

What is wrong with men?

Pissing in the bed, on their partners, clothes, in wardrobes, in the bath (that one is from personal experience, when I asked EXH what the hell he was doing his response was 'having a piss, like yeah' before staggering back to bed and passing out).

So glad I live alone with the kids now, I honestly couldn't be doing with a grown man pissing everywhere.

Doteycat · 12/11/2023 09:40

Almost 40 years being with dh.
He has not once ever gone for a wee anywhere but the toilet and not once have I ever had to wipe a drop.
It's disgusting and women who excuse it are disgusting too.
Dump him.

UnctuousUnicorns · 12/11/2023 09:43

Odd that you couldn't smell it - most men's piss stinks... 🤔

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 12/11/2023 09:43

if it was a one-off then I’d not be too annoyed, other than that it had been left hanging there rather than him putting it in the machine.

but your drip that it’s been 25 years of disrespectful behaviour changes that for me as it’s clearly more than a one-off drunken accident that’s the issue.

Mamato29192 · 12/11/2023 09:43

LTB

whiteduvetcover · 12/11/2023 09:45

I could vaguely understand if it was a one-off and if he'd thrown them in the wash (or at least pushed them into a corner until the morning) but to remember what he did and just leave them there, seems like an act of aggression, not dissimilar to spitting in someone's tea!

My friend and her husband got a bit smashed at a wedding and in the middle of the night, he got up and peed in the wastepaper bin (genuinely thought it was a loo). As soon as he woke up the next day he remembered but he'd cleaned it up before friend woke up. I think that's what you'd expect a normal human to do.

It sounds as though this is a long pattern of disrespectful and controlling behaviour though? Maybe this is the final straw/turning point where you begin to change your life?

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 12/11/2023 09:47

He knew he did it. He didn't take the chance to wash and dry it and apologise (by extension, leaving you to use clothes covered in his piss and wash it yourself). He made a joke of it to his mates and then turned it around to you when you voice your issues with his behaviour.

I would also see this as a final straw OP. If my DH did this, he would be mortified and would apologise whilst the thing was going around and around in the washer. He sounds like a fucking animal.

MariaVT65 · 12/11/2023 09:48

Yeah i agree with others that the pissing is bad enough, but the fact that he thought it was ok to hang your clothes back up for you to put on is vile.

I wouldn’t tolerate this behaviour at all. And if he thinks it’s so funny, i would consider pissing on his clothes and see how he likes it.

diddl · 12/11/2023 09:50

I wonder how many workmates actually found it funny?

Man approaching 50 (at a guess) gets so pissed that he can't make it to the bathroom.

I mean I might roll my eyes at a teen but older than that...

It's that he knew & left it Op isn't it.

Doesn't care at all.