Husband pissed on my clothes whilst drunk

[Middleagedmisunderstood]

AIBU

so last weekend hubby and I had a rare night out. To be fair we were both worse for wear. I came home, went to bed and was comatose until the morning. I got up…..he was downstairs making coffee. I put my dressing gown on and it was wet! It had been hanging on the back of the bedroom door. All down the back of it was wet. I couldn’t figure out why it was wet and there was no wet on the floor. So I went downstairs and told him about it and he very casually admitted he had got up for the loo in the middle of the night and didn’t make it further than the door and he had (accidentally) pissed on my clothes that were hanging up.

I’m not happy. I’ve been drunk but I’ve never pissed on anyone’s clothes! He is treating this incident like it’s a normality and I’m being unreasonable for feeling otherwise. I’ve kept quiet all week because we had a big celebration this week and I didn’t want to spoil it.

however. We work together in the same place and on Friday I learned he had having a great big joke about how drunk he was and how he couldn’t get out his bedroom door. I find this totally juvenile and nothing to laugh about. Still embarrassed and humiliated that my husband pissed on my clothes I finished the story off and told everyone he missed out the part where he pissed on his wife’s clothes. Needless to say I’m now the bad person for finishing off his story. I was mad, I was humiliated and I probably shouldn’t have said what I did. But even tonight I am in the wrong for not just brushing this off and treating as nothing.

the man pissed on my clothes!

AIBU ?

To be honest getting blind drunk as a grown adult is revolting juvenile and off putting in the extreme. To joke about drunkenness to me just screams low intelligence like they are stuck in a teenage mind.

I am so sorry.
If it has been 25 years there will be no change in the future, you deserve a future where you are happy.

Please find that.

Id forgive once...but not again. Its icky. In my younger years when i used to drink a bit i would be really drunk but not pee anywhere other than loo or behind a tree lol. My brother peed in corner of bedroom when drunk... wife went mad. Never did it again. Unlike OP DH he was mortified

He is pathetic and immature. He should have apologised sincerely and offered to make amends.
You did nothing wrong but can you see how not dealing with it calmly at the time (you kept quiet so as to not spoil an event later in the week) meant you stuffed down your resentment/ anger/ humiliation until it came out in a bad, unproductive way- and now he probably won't listen to YOUR point of view because you have humiliated him in front of all his colleagues.

It’s not the pissing on the dressing gown that’s the main issue.
It’s the fact that he remembers having done it, yet it doesn’t occur to him to clean it. As soon as he gets up. He leaves it hanging where it was, in the morning, he comes down for breakfast and doesn’t mention it’s there until you say it was wet. That is absolutely disgusting and I would leave him for it.

Saying it loud for those who need to hear it: IT IS NOT NORMAL TO PISS EVERYWHERE. PEOPLE WHO DO THIS HAVE A SERIOUS DRINK PROBLEM.

OP, he's a drunk and he doesn't care. You know what you need to do. I'm sorry you're in this situation. I would make a new post in relationships and get some help to leave

I think after twenty five years it’s time to call it a day. It’s not as if it was a one-off of out of character bad behaviour. Do yourself a favour and get rid.

God that is horrible, sorry OP.

It’s one thing to be so drunk that you do that (still bad at his age); but quite another to not even put it in the washing machine, scrub the door and floor, and apologise to you before you even noticed! Which would be the only acceptable way out of it, in my opinion.

I would be livid yes if he knew and left me to clean his piss up

One of our family friend's husband got so drunk one night he pissed in her wardrobe. This was back in the 80's and I'm pretty sure she's never let him forget it to this day. Horrible. However the worst incident happened to my bff. Her ex MIL got drunk and had to stay at theirs for the night. Yep pissed all over the brand new velvet sofa. Wasn't overly contrite about it either!

Oh, love.

Your one line about 25 years of things like this ... 🥺

Could this be the last straw? The final nail in the coffin? The step too far and all the other cliches that we need to describe that moment when we make the first little steps to a decision.

This man is vile.

Doing it, failing to clean up, not apologising, laughing about it, making a joke of it, making you out to be the unreasonable one.

If you're perhaps in your 40s, you may have decades left for more and more and more of this.

Or you may, by posting here, be stepping towards making a choice.

He must have quite the talent to piss in things hanging on the door yet not get a single drip on the floor.

He pissed on your stuff and got up in the morning and left it for you to find??? What realm of hell is this? This would be a total dealbreaker for me. Drunk enough to piss in the wrong place would probably be a dealbreaker all by itself but not to clear it up whilst mortified and apologetic is beyond awful!

For me it's the not dealing with it before you found it. A funny story is 'Omg I was wasted you'll not believe what I did!... I've put it in the washing machine, I'm so sorry I'm so gross!' then you could call him a disgusting prick & both laugh about it.

Leaving it for you to discover, when he knew, is absolutely vile - even dogs have the good grace to look guilty when they piss where they shouldn't. The drunk piss I could laugh off (I did it myself as a young teen on my friends washing basket, thought it was the toilet & just sat down😬). If he didn't remember until you said he should have leapt up to deal with whilst being mortified & apologetic.

I’m just getting abuse and being told how it’s my fault. It’s classic abuse/controlling/coercive behaviour? I know it is.

How could he even manage to spin it that it's your fault he pissed on your clothes?!

Even if the act itself (on top of previous disrespectful behaviour) weren't enough reason to leave him (which they clearly are), his failure to clean it up, his total lack of remorse and his turning the blame on you are surely the nail in the coffin for this relationship?

He has a continence problem (could be indicative of more serious issues so should be checked) or a drink problem. Or both.

And definitely has a problem with consideration. It' was an accident but it is disgusting to just leave it there and say nothing.

I mean if it was a one off and he was sorry and cleaned them then it’s unfortunate and i’d be discussing maybe drinking less. But he’s happily done it and left it there for you, and tried to humiliate you by telling the story to colleagues - minus the part where he left piss soaked clothing as a fuck you. It’s highly abusive - he chose to do it and leave it for you to find. The fact he is angry other people know shows he knew exactly how awful it was.

25 years is a long time to have experienced this. I hope you can find support to consider leaving his abusive ass.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

if this is your glass by the sink moment so be it. You don’t need a smoking gun to “prove” to you your marriage is over or he is “bad enough” to merit divorcing. If you are unhappy and want out …. Go.

Well I'd be taking it personally!
Youre right, some low rent men with no respect for their homes, other people and other people's property do this. But there comes a time when even the worst of them are able to control their drinking and/or bladders if they choose. Any man who didn't bother is showing me very clearly that he doesn't think I'm worth the effort of the most basic of civilised behaviour. I've sons and had several partners, most of whom like a drink and were no angels in many respects. Not one of them has ever behaved like an untrained dog in my home. Those who do are choosing to not give a shit about you and your things. Which tells you all you need to know about what they think of you.

This! 100per cent this!

It’s bad enough he did it! But he wasn’t even ashamed and he didn’t even take the adult responsibility of cleaning up his own (disgusting) mess. He left it for you to discover when you out of your clothes soaked in his rancid piss. He left it for you to clean up as ‘woman work’.

I could never look at him in the same light again.

YANBU. Grim, cruel and disrespectful on his part. You're worth more.

My first boyfriend once over indulged and over ate so badly he threw up on my pillow whilst I was asleep in bed next to him. He didn't wake me up to tell me. By some miracle it wasn't much vom and I didn't roll in it. Took a little while for the vile smell to eventually wake me! It was the beginning of the end.

‘Sometimes these moments do make life a bit more interesting and funny’

Some people on MN have such low standards in life!

OP he should have been mortified and washed the clothes straight away. Vile animal.

My exhusband drank a lot and eventually became an alcoholic. I woke up one night because I could hear water running. It wasn't water. He was standing in the corner of our bedroom, where he had dropped his clothes, pissing on them. I asked him what on earth he was doing. "I'm pissing you stupid cow". Nice.
A friend of his got drunk, woke up in the night, mistook his parents bedroom for the bathroom and pissed all over the end of their bed.
Apparently things like this are fine and absolutely normal. Nope.

He let you find and touch that piss soaked dressing gown. That's actually so cruel and disrespectful.
Pissing on it is one (gross) thing.
But how hard is it to put it in the washing machine? Or at least warn you. It screams of contempt for you.

That’s so, so gross. I’d be furious and sickened by this but it wouldn’t be a complete dealbreaker IF he was completely apologetic, cleaned everything up/bought new and it NEVER happened again. I suspect from your replies that this will not be the case with your gross husband. I’m sorry!