Husband pissed on my clothes whilst drunk

[Middleagedmisunderstood]

AIBU

so last weekend hubby and I had a rare night out. To be fair we were both worse for wear. I came home, went to bed and was comatose until the morning. I got up…..he was downstairs making coffee. I put my dressing gown on and it was wet! It had been hanging on the back of the bedroom door. All down the back of it was wet. I couldn’t figure out why it was wet and there was no wet on the floor. So I went downstairs and told him about it and he very casually admitted he had got up for the loo in the middle of the night and didn’t make it further than the door and he had (accidentally) pissed on my clothes that were hanging up.

I’m not happy. I’ve been drunk but I’ve never pissed on anyone’s clothes! He is treating this incident like it’s a normality and I’m being unreasonable for feeling otherwise. I’ve kept quiet all week because we had a big celebration this week and I didn’t want to spoil it.

however. We work together in the same place and on Friday I learned he had having a great big joke about how drunk he was and how he couldn’t get out his bedroom door. I find this totally juvenile and nothing to laugh about. Still embarrassed and humiliated that my husband pissed on my clothes I finished the story off and told everyone he missed out the part where he pissed on his wife’s clothes. Needless to say I’m now the bad person for finishing off his story. I was mad, I was humiliated and I probably shouldn’t have said what I did. But even tonight I am in the wrong for not just brushing this off and treating as nothing.

the man pissed on my clothes!

AIBU ?

The weirdest thing is why he left it there for you to put on. Why didn’t he put it in the wash or mention it? What a waste of space.

I hope that you are realising that excessive drinking on a regular basis isn’t something to boast about and the consequences damage relationships. Took me a while to realise this fortunately both me and OH gave up drinking completely 2 years ago and are in a much better place ( we wouldn’t still be together if he hadn’t stopped).

It's bad enough that he got so drunk he pissed on your clothes. But then he left them there! He didn't make any attempt to clean up, he left them there for you to find and deal with. He despises you.

It’s the leaving them there that irks me. Peed himself drunk isn’t great and if a once off ok things happen but he knew he did it, woke up earlier than you and didn’t put them in the wash or apologise profusely!!!

Bloody hell, the third thread I've read this weekend about drunk men pissing and vomiting on stuff, and there's posters thinking it's quite normal. I divorced a drunk, there's no way I'd put up with this. My mind is boggled that people think it's okay!

Fuck me. The bar is LOW.

I would have hoped that as soon as he woke up in the morning, he would have washed your clothes for you!
Leaving urine soaked clothing for you to put on is disgusting. That would annoy me more than the actual act, which I could probably forgive if he was absolutely roaring drunk.

If I got so drunk I behaved like that I would be mortified and apologetic. I certainly wouldn’t be showing off about it to my friends and it would make me completely reevaluate my relationship with alcohol. His behaviour is completely and utterly unacceptable.

The fact that he knew that he’d pissed on your clothes, yet left them hung up and waiting for you to find them, would be the killer here for me. The complete lack of basic respect speaks volumes. Also, I agree with @VeganStar. How was the floor not wet unless he’d used your clothes to soak up his wee? The contempt he has shown you is disgusting.

...and this is why it's a good idea to have household rules on sitting down for any bodily functions.

Exactly this.
My ex son in law used to piss the bed after a skinful, it’s the main reason he’s an ex. He was awful when drunk.

Yep second thread of the weekend.

Disgusting behaviour.

So he left it there knowing you would put it on? Grim, and definitely not funny.

I will say though that, having three brothers, men piss on things when they’re drunk. Hopefully they piss on something outside, but sometimes they piss on things inside because they are drunk and stupid. Things my brothers (or their friends) have admitted to pissing on or in whilst drunk: kitchen sinks, plant pots, fountains, closets, armchairs, pillows, showers/bathtubs, coat racks, each other’s shoes, their own shoes, umbrella stands, car tyres, patio furniture, ornamental orange trees, a dog bed, and an oven(?!).

I've been married twice, lived with 2 more men, dated several more and had a male room-mate for a time. All of them drinkers. None of them ever pissed on anything drunk. I don't think it's as run of the mill as your brothers make out that it is.

So this is the tip of the iceberg?
You are allowed to split up over this.
This incident and his behaviour afterwards would be enough to make me want to go. But it sounds like there have been many, many more.
You're that frog in the boiling water, OP.

I'm glad you're gathering strength @Middleagedmisunderstood. What he did is unforgivable, and there's clearly more going on from what you've said. Start planning your new life and get rid of this miserable excuse for a human

Sent too soon; OP if it was a one-off incident I think I could just about forgive the pissing itself, so long as everything was in the washing machine by the time I woke up.

It's the leaving it there, despite being aware of what he'd done, that is the dealbreaker. Dirty disrespectful pig.

Sadly this is entirely normal drunk man behaviour. My mam always told me to sleep with one eye open when your man is drunk because he will piss anywhere!

My other half was ready to pee on the kitchen table about 10 years ago, I caught him with seconds to spare!

I was just thinking this. Funny how it's never women pissing in random parts of the house. Honestly, they're like a bunch of un-neutered cats spraying their territory. It's utterly vile and I'd have absolutely no respect for my dh if he behaved in this way.

Op, this doesn't sound like a one off incident (and that would be bad enough). You've referred to controlling behaviour. And let's face it, even if you would have been willing to overlook an 'accidental' bladder control issue, the fact that he knew he'd done it and failed to clear up after himself should tell you everything you need to know. Next he'll be pissing on you whilst you sleep, like in Tyrannosaur.

On another matter, the only people I have ever known to have bladder control issues when drunk also had alcohol abuse/ dependency issues more generally.

Leave him of you are unhappy with his behaviour. Being unhappy is enough of a reason. You don't need to justify it to anyone.

I'd piss on his pillow and see if he likes it and finds it amusing.

First he did it.
Then he ignored your wet clothes, even though he knew he’d done it.
Then he made a joke about it at work.
Now he’s turning it on you.

Just one of these would make me dislike him.
All 4 would make me ( or him) leave.

Sounds like his behaviour towards you is pretty awful across the board so maybe it’s time to start the separation ball rolling.

He left it, didn't tell you, then laughed it off. He's disgusting.

I came on to say, this can't have happened in isolation. I see that it's not s one off. He has a long standing disrespect for you.

Sorry, that's really horrible. You know what to do.

@Whatafustercluck Came here to say just that. You never, never hear of women randomly pissing anywhere.

Men pissing in wardrobes is normal in the same way that men getting so drunk they can't remember what they've done is normal. It's casual alcoholism to which we turn a blind eye in this country, because it's just what the lads do.

Anyone who pisses in a wardrobe who doesn't immediately clean up after themselves once they sober up, apologises profusely, stops drinking and starts attending AA meetings is not someone I would deem worthy of a second chance.

Having been in a relationship with an alcoholic before, I'm not dealing with it again. People will normalise the behaviour and make you seem like the uptight one. Getting so drunk you do abhorrent things is not normal. We have a serious problem with drinking culture in the UK.

Hes embarrassed and told folks in a jokey manner to cover this up as funny... he thought he best get there first before it came out. Its not funny though.

I couldn't be in a relationship with anyone who got that drunk in the first place. It's teenage behaviour not that of a grown adult.