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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband pissed on my clothes whilst drunk

223 replies

Middleagedmisunderstood · 12/11/2023 01:25

AIBU

so last weekend hubby and I had a rare night out. To be fair we were both worse for wear. I came home, went to bed and was comatose until the morning. I got up…..he was downstairs making coffee. I put my dressing gown on and it was wet! It had been hanging on the back of the bedroom door. All down the back of it was wet. I couldn’t figure out why it was wet and there was no wet on the floor. So I went downstairs and told him about it and he very casually admitted he had got up for the loo in the middle of the night and didn’t make it further than the door and he had (accidentally) pissed on my clothes that were hanging up.

I’m not happy. I’ve been drunk but I’ve never pissed on anyone’s clothes! He is treating this incident like it’s a normality and I’m being unreasonable for feeling otherwise. I’ve kept quiet all week because we had a big celebration this week and I didn’t want to spoil it.

however. We work together in the same place and on Friday I learned he had having a great big joke about how drunk he was and how he couldn’t get out his bedroom door. I find this totally juvenile and nothing to laugh about. Still embarrassed and humiliated that my husband pissed on my clothes I finished the story off and told everyone he missed out the part where he pissed on his wife’s clothes. Needless to say I’m now the bad person for finishing off his story. I was mad, I was humiliated and I probably shouldn’t have said what I did. But even tonight I am in the wrong for not just brushing this off and treating as nothing.

the man pissed on my clothes!

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Stopbloodybanging · 12/11/2023 09:51

I think you’re being unreasonable to feel humiliated and disrespected. He didn’t deliberately piss on your clothes. If it had been his clothes hanging on the door, he would have pissed on those. Gross, unattractive? Yes, but not aimed directly at you.
However, you are reasonable to feel disgusted by him and pissed off that he neither mentioned it nor offered to wash them for you. That’s lazy, rude and juvenile.

BreatheAndFocus · 12/11/2023 09:52

Revolting and disrespectful 🤢 I’d leave him. It’s the victim-blaming and the complete lack of remorse or concern for you. Or perhaps you could pee on his clothes then tell him off for making a fuss when he confronts you? (Joke!)

Men like this are giant, self-centred babies who see their partners as inferior. They’re despicable. And no, whoever said this, none of my male friends or relatives piss all over the house when they’re drunk 🙄 Effing grim!

Alwaysanotherwine · 12/11/2023 09:53

dh did it to me once many years ago

once he washed all the clothes i found it funny!

Myfabby · 12/11/2023 09:54

MammaPenny · 12/11/2023 08:31

Sadly this is entirely normal drunk man behaviour. My mam always told me to sleep with one eye open when your man is drunk because he will piss anywhere!

My other half was ready to pee on the kitchen table about 10 years ago, I caught him with seconds to spare!

No, no it is NOT normal. It is NOT.

I won't even ask why a grown man needs to drink to the point of getting drunk, how are women endorsing this sort of really horrible behaviour?

5128gap · 12/11/2023 09:54

Anyone who's living with this, I really hope their takeaway from this thread will be that they don't have to. These threads obviously attract people who can relate, so it gives it a false sense of normality. But most women don't have this as an inescapable part of living with a man.

Its pretty much the territory of coarse, rough gutter type men, those who couldn't care less about you, or those with a drink problem.

None of these things are the norm. None of them are what you deserve.

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 12/11/2023 09:55

I can say hand on heart I have never been drunk enough where I couldn't find the bathroom and use it properly. Ditto for anyone I've ever dated. And I did my fair share of partying/dating back in the day.

He sounds vile, and his attitude towards you is disgusting.

Think about how much happier you'll be without him. x

Itsnotchristmasyet · 12/11/2023 09:59

I wouldn’t be too annoyed that he had pissed on my clothes.

You admit yourself that you were so drunk you were comatosed in bed and tbh I’m surprised you didn’t wet the bed.

If you had needed the bathroom, you would not have made it.
And so you cannot really take the moral high ground about him having an accident when it was purely by luck that you didn’t.

However, what I would be pissed off about is that he left it hanging up.
The very least he could have done is chucked it in the bath, to wash the next day.

He sounds childish that he was bragging about being drunk but it was a low blow that you told people what he did to shame him.

If a man had told his work colleagues that his wife had pissed herself to shame her, the MNers would be telling her to LTB and calling him abusive.

I think you both sound like you need to grow up.

And if this is the top of the iceberg then it’s obviously not a good relationship.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 12/11/2023 10:01

Oh dear, OP, I feel for you - this behaviour is vile and the not caring after being caught out then turning it around onto you is even worse.

He's had 25 years of your precious time, disrespecting you along the way before this latest and most outrageous act - now it's high time for your life to be your own. Ditch him.

Enjoy the bliss of solitude.. good luck.. you'll be much happier.

Arrivederla · 12/11/2023 10:02

WhichEllie · 12/11/2023 01:59

Obviously it’s vile and he should be contrite when he sobers up and realizes that he ruined your stuff. He should also offer to replace it.

I will say though that, having three brothers, men piss on things when they’re drunk. Hopefully they piss on something outside, but sometimes they piss on things inside because they are drunk and stupid. Things my brothers (or their friends) have admitted to pissing on or in whilst drunk: kitchen sinks, plant pots, fountains, closets, armchairs, pillows, showers/bathtubs, coat racks, each other’s shoes, their own shoes, umbrella stands, car tyres, patio furniture, ornamental orange trees, a dog bed, and an oven(?!).

So I wouldn’t take it personally, but I would make sure he made up for it.

I also have three brothers, and none of them have ever behaved like this! This is because they are sensible and considerate people, not disgusting slobs.

Why do some women accept this as normal?

Unbelievable.

TheKnittedCharacter · 12/11/2023 10:02

I’ve heard of blokes pissing in the bed, in cupboards, on the floor etc. Mostly on MN, but I have a friend whose husband pissed in their porch (and all over the shoes in there) when drunk.

I simply can’t imagine living with someone that does this. If it happened more than once, I’d be off.

And the fact he’s not mortified and apologetic is concerning.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 12/11/2023 10:03

Hopefully it IS the worst thing that will happen to you because you’ll get away. I agree with others that it’s not the initial act, it’s his behaviour afterwards (not cleaning up, getting angry when you ask about it). In particular the latter shows he isn’t prepared to acknowledge responsibility for his behaviour and respect your opinion.

Dweetfidilove · 12/11/2023 10:10

Ponderingwindow · 12/11/2023 03:22

if they are drinking so much that they lose bladder control, they need to rethink their entire lives. Yet there are posters who act like this is entirely normal.

Show quote history

Thank you. I was reading/ wondering why the responses make it sound like this is okay behaviour as long he cleans up/ washes the clothes he’s pissed on.

Surely being that drunk is more of a problem ☹️.

OrlandointheWilderness · 12/11/2023 10:10

Bet he wouldn't be so chilled about it if you pissed on his clothes. I would love you to try tbh 😂

ThomasinaLivesHere · 12/11/2023 10:10

I had an ex who was brought home by paramedics because he’d collapsed drunk and not only pissed himself but also shit. It was horrible to get into such a state. Also as he was drunk he was trying to get into bed when I was telling him to sleep on couch. Obviously plenty of people can handle drink but so thankful that my husband is not a drinker. You just lose so much self respect for people when they get like that. Needless to say we broke up soon after. Perhaps you can forgive a one-off if they’re going through a hard time but in OP’s case if this isn’t abnormal I wouldn’t be putting up with it.

Hippobot · 12/11/2023 10:10

Middleagedmisunderstood · 12/11/2023 02:20

Well I’m sat here now being very honest about how humiliated I am and telling him that if he is pissing on peoples clothes and possessions when he is drunk then he has a problem that needs to be sorted. I’m just getting abuse and being told how it’s my fault. It’s classic abuse/controlling/coercive behaviour? I know it is.

I thank everyone who has given an opinion or an answer. I know in myself I need to sort this and get out of what I’m experiencing. I needed some endorsement. I don’t know if pissing on my clothes was the worst thing that could happen to me? But it feels like a catalyst as being totally unacceptable to me. I don’t have much much I felt so upset at having what I do own casually pissed on by someone who clearly doesn’t care.

thank you everyone ❤️

It's completely revolting and the behaviour of a pathetic manchild. The disrespect to not have apologised and washed your dressing gown tells you everything you need to know about how much regard he has for you. I wouldn't be surprised if he thought it was funny whilst he was doing it. He obviously wasn't on a blackout as he was able to tell you what happened. Turning it around on you as if you are the problem is emotional abuse. Get out of the relationship before he ruins your life and your self worth. You deserve better.

LightSpeeds · 12/11/2023 10:13

Sounds like he has no concern or respect for you at all.

Listen to your heart and head and lose this loser.

Caerulea · 12/11/2023 10:14

Itsnotchristmasyet · 12/11/2023 09:59

I wouldn’t be too annoyed that he had pissed on my clothes.

You admit yourself that you were so drunk you were comatosed in bed and tbh I’m surprised you didn’t wet the bed.

If you had needed the bathroom, you would not have made it.
And so you cannot really take the moral high ground about him having an accident when it was purely by luck that you didn’t.

However, what I would be pissed off about is that he left it hanging up.
The very least he could have done is chucked it in the bath, to wash the next day.

He sounds childish that he was bragging about being drunk but it was a low blow that you told people what he did to shame him.

If a man had told his work colleagues that his wife had pissed herself to shame her, the MNers would be telling her to LTB and calling him abusive.

I think you both sound like you need to grow up.

And if this is the top of the iceberg then it’s obviously not a good relationship.

Another one for OPs husband to add to the 'ackshully it's your fault' bank

mewkins · 12/11/2023 10:15

MonsteraMama · 12/11/2023 01:36

It's the fact he just left it there that would really bother me most (not that the pissing isn't absolutely grotty behaviour, and I've been messy drunk many a time).

He could've at least put it in the wash and apologised profusely. Wanker.

This would be my issue too. I HATE it when people cause a mess/damage and don't rectify it themselves.

Jewelspun · 12/11/2023 10:16

QueenofTerrasen · 12/11/2023 03:11

What is it with all these blokes on mumsnet pissing all over everything when they've had a drink??

I couldn't be with anyone that drank to the extent they couldn't control their bodily functions or realise where they were performing them.

A lot of women have low standards and or they also drink like fish.

KimberleyClark · 12/11/2023 10:17

He owes you a new dressing gown at the very least.

EvenBetta · 12/11/2023 10:17

25yrs of having a barnyard animal in the house 😄🤢
Ditch the minger, enjoy life, if you ever miss him, visit a farm.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 12/11/2023 10:19

So I went downstairs and told him about it and he very casually admitted he had got up for the loo in the middle of the night and didn’t make it further than the door and he had (accidentally) pissed on my clothes that were hanging up.
Pissing on your clothes is gross. The fact he knew he'd done it and hadn't washed them, had let you put on a piss covered dressing gown is absolutely revolting and makes him disgusting. He can avoid pissing on things by not getting hammered again, he can't fix his thinking and behaviour in letting you use a piss covered dressing gown.

MyPenIsHuge · 12/11/2023 10:20

Fucking revolting and disrespectful.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 12/11/2023 10:20

Caerulea · 12/11/2023 10:14

Another one for OPs husband to add to the 'ackshully it's your fault' bank

Show quote history

@Caerulea

So if OP had accidentally wet herself, you’d feel the same way about her as her DH?
Or would you minimise it?

Caerulea · 12/11/2023 10:30

Itsnotchristmasyet · 12/11/2023 10:20

@Caerulea

So if OP had accidentally wet herself, you’d feel the same way about her as her DH?
Or would you minimise it?

Show quote history

OP didn't wet herself so that's a moot point. More importantly neither did her husband. Wetting yourself is entirely different to getting up & actively urinating.

He urinated in the wrong place, knew he did it, got on with his day leaving his wife to find it. Worse! He did it on her dressing gown, something she'd handle. He then turned it on her.

But sure...let's play 'what if' 🙄