Husband pissed on my clothes whilst drunk

[Middleagedmisunderstood]

AIBU

so last weekend hubby and I had a rare night out. To be fair we were both worse for wear. I came home, went to bed and was comatose until the morning. I got up…..he was downstairs making coffee. I put my dressing gown on and it was wet! It had been hanging on the back of the bedroom door. All down the back of it was wet. I couldn’t figure out why it was wet and there was no wet on the floor. So I went downstairs and told him about it and he very casually admitted he had got up for the loo in the middle of the night and didn’t make it further than the door and he had (accidentally) pissed on my clothes that were hanging up.

I’m not happy. I’ve been drunk but I’ve never pissed on anyone’s clothes! He is treating this incident like it’s a normality and I’m being unreasonable for feeling otherwise. I’ve kept quiet all week because we had a big celebration this week and I didn’t want to spoil it.

however. We work together in the same place and on Friday I learned he had having a great big joke about how drunk he was and how he couldn’t get out his bedroom door. I find this totally juvenile and nothing to laugh about. Still embarrassed and humiliated that my husband pissed on my clothes I finished the story off and told everyone he missed out the part where he pissed on his wife’s clothes. Needless to say I’m now the bad person for finishing off his story. I was mad, I was humiliated and I probably shouldn’t have said what I did. But even tonight I am in the wrong for not just brushing this off and treating as nothing.

the man pissed on my clothes!

AIBU ?

@Middleagedmisunderstood

Meh, other people can get over it, not your problem. You were able to put yourself first & that's a life-changing moment, a really good one! The only thing you should get is understanding & gentle congratulations, anything outside of that isn't worth your time. You've just done something MASSIVE & incredibly difficult, you know that

Also... Kinda hoping your caravan isn't in the path of this wind lol. I guess it will be a nice distraction if it is.

Christ there are some low bars on here. He pissed on her dressing gown. He knew he had done it. He didn't clean up. He joked about the state he got into with mates. He gaslighted OP into making her the bad guy. None of this is normal, especially not "accidently pissing on someone's clothes". If you are that drunk you fall over, if you lost control of your bladder that's one thing, but he made a choice, albeit drunken.

Clearly not as the majority here have said they think its vile and haven't come across it.

I have a partner who does this when he gets really drunk. I have stopped him from pissing in the wardrobe before just in time, he was half asleep, drunk and thought he was opening the bathroom door. And I did find it funny and we laughed about it in the morning.
Thankfully he very rarely drinks to the point where I have to worry he might piss somewhere he shouldn't!

I would be annoyed that he just left your dressing gown hanging up when he knew what he'd done, he should have apologised and put it in the wash. I also couldn't put up with someone who drinks all the time. But a one off drunken accident really doesn't mean that he's got a huge issue, it depends how often he drinks whether or not you are being unreasonable.

I'm glad to hear you have taken the first step OP. I think realistically it may be the first step in a longer journey as its highly likely the shock of your departure will galvanise your H into action to try to persuade you to return.
You may want to think about how you'll handle the (belated) remorse, apologies, assurances of change that typically follow the realisation that you're at the end of the line.
Many women in your situation tend to go through a number of false starts (The caravan is chilly. He's very sorry!) but often end up leaving anyway when the bad behaviour inevitably resumes.
My advice in the face of a possible onslaught of persuasion would be to hold firm. If he says he'll change, then tell him to change while you're apart. Only that is the real test of his sincerity.

If you need some support and understanding, smart recovery friends & family do online meetings twice a week. It can be really helpful. Good luck.

This. There are a lot of people on this thread with EXTREMELY low standards. I would dump a guy who got so drunk he didn't know where he was pissing. In fact I would dump a guy for being a lot less drunk than that. Who needs that kind of behaviour in their life?

Well done OP. You have done the right thing. You should be damn proud of yourself. This is the right thing to do.

He shows no remorse or signs of changing. This is the last straw.

Wishing you love and strength xx

But a one off drunken accident really doesn't mean that he's got a huge issue, it depends how often he drinks whether or not you are being unreasonable

He pissed on her dressing gown, was aware of this and left OP to find out for herself then laughed about it and blamed her. Of course she's not being bloody unreasonable.

Well done for getting out, OP. Don't worry what anyone else thinks you know you're right.

Best wishes OP. You know your situation and this sounds like a really hefty straw breaking your back.

Have to say, the only men I've known to piss in places (inside) where they shouldn't when drunk - have had alcohol issues. So I disagree that if this was a one off and nor in any way contemptuous that it would be a 'just have a laugh about it' situation.

If you have someone in your family pissing the bed or peeing on your bedroom door or anything like that, ever - they have problems with alcohol.

They need to either stop drinking entirely or you need to leave them. Anything else is just enabling their issues.

Seriously, I've lived with lots of guys (deczde of flat sharing and uni years etc) and i remember in uni this one guy would joke about pissing his mattress. He was out every single night and not to be social, just to drink. Even amongst uni students it wasn't normal and we all knew it. Because it is not normal to get so drunk you piss yourself or piss inside somewhere that isn't a toilet.

They're on their way to alcoholism. So don't laugh it off ppl, just get out of that relationship.
Its not cute and it's not funny and one day you'll wake up in the same situation as op. It's not an 'if' its a 'when'.

Alcoholic granparent was exactly the same.

Yep I’ve been awakened by my ex pissing on our duvet. I turned the light on and he looked really confused.

Leave him OP and live a life where you don’t feel disrespected that someone pissed on your dressing gown and deliberately left it for you to put on. He is a dirty pig and you deserve so much more than living life with a man full of contempt towards you

OP left him over five months ago

@WhichEllie if your post is true, I hope you realise that this isn't normal behaviour

How is she putting up with it when it's her brother's and his friends saying such stuff?

I'd be furious, OP. I had this with a friend's DP. We were staying at my parents' house when they weren't there, and he got so horrendously drunk that he pissed all over my parents' bed.

I was in total shock, and he just said that this happens when he drinks a lot. SO WHY THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU GET SO DRUNK IF YOU KNOWINGLY PISS THE BED WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK?

Needless to say, I've never let him stay again.

Why on earth didn't he pop them in the wash as soon as he woke up. He just sat there waiting for you to put on a pissy dressing gown!?
Fucking eejit. Tell him he's to give you the money to replace all of it. And if he pisses on anything other than a toilet again he's out the flipping door.

I guess that the difference between a man with a drink problem and a man with a drink problem who is also abusive to his wife. Letting her put the dressing gown on was an act of aggression. So happy she left him.

OP left him over five months ago!

Zombie thread

Sorry folks, lol. I'm a zombie myself this morning.
Glad she fucked him off the horrible sod!

Yes OP!

Hope you are enjoying your new and improved life without him.

It's really not