Husband pissed on my clothes whilst drunk

[Middleagedmisunderstood]

AIBU

so last weekend hubby and I had a rare night out. To be fair we were both worse for wear. I came home, went to bed and was comatose until the morning. I got up…..he was downstairs making coffee. I put my dressing gown on and it was wet! It had been hanging on the back of the bedroom door. All down the back of it was wet. I couldn’t figure out why it was wet and there was no wet on the floor. So I went downstairs and told him about it and he very casually admitted he had got up for the loo in the middle of the night and didn’t make it further than the door and he had (accidentally) pissed on my clothes that were hanging up.

I’m not happy. I’ve been drunk but I’ve never pissed on anyone’s clothes! He is treating this incident like it’s a normality and I’m being unreasonable for feeling otherwise. I’ve kept quiet all week because we had a big celebration this week and I didn’t want to spoil it.

however. We work together in the same place and on Friday I learned he had having a great big joke about how drunk he was and how he couldn’t get out his bedroom door. I find this totally juvenile and nothing to laugh about. Still embarrassed and humiliated that my husband pissed on my clothes I finished the story off and told everyone he missed out the part where he pissed on his wife’s clothes. Needless to say I’m now the bad person for finishing off his story. I was mad, I was humiliated and I probably shouldn’t have said what I did. But even tonight I am in the wrong for not just brushing this off and treating as nothing.

the man pissed on my clothes!

AIBU ?

@Itsnotchristmasyet

He didn’t purposely piss on her clothes though did he?

And I’d be disgusted that he left it there and didn’t remove it, as I’ve already said.

The fact that she didn’t wet herself even though she admits to being comatose, is pure luck though and she can’t say it was disgusting that he couldn’t get to the bathroom when she couldn’t either.

This is whataboutery at its finest.

He didn't deliberately piss on her clothes... so all's well then. All good for a laugh. And the fact the OP has sufficient bladder-control not to piss in his clothes is in the lap of the Gods?

Sorry, no. The fact people are excusing or laughing off this behaviour is deeply depressing. Anyone who urinates on their spouse or partner's possessions is an animal. And almost certainly has a serious drink problem. The OP may also have a drink problem but she's not vandalising her husband's stuff.

Lol

Then the majority of UK men who have had too much to drink are badly behaved. There is nothing remotely funny or appealing about having too much to drink to the extent you pee on a significant other's clothing.

Why is such grim behaviour excused because 'most people do it'?

Don't think you got my humour. I was talking from a personal view, yes of course it's disgusting and would be so out of character for my DH, he would be mortified and instantly clean it up. That's why it would so funny for me. I would be aghast at first then yes laugh as it's a one off pissed incident. No need to judge and and be derogatory. Have you really never done or experienced anything out of character in your whole life, made mistakes, been ashamed then find a time you can laugh about it? It's just life, things happen and this isn't an example of any of the worst things I've seen so guess my level of being horrified is way higher after having witnessed seriously traumatic incidents. Xx

I may not have read this properly and have been shamed in my comments. Was in the middle of a difficult situation, beyond worry, came on for some light distraction. Sorry, yes was totally out of order he just left it and joked about. This is a situation my DH would be mortified and clean up, apologise and I would find it funny because it would so out of character.I was focusing more on the situation, not how your OH reacted, apologies for not being in the ball. X

Exactly, these things happen and do become a funny story. Especially when moving around and being in different places, thinking toilet is in a different place 😆

Thank you everyone for your observations and comments, even the outrageous ones.

I put my post up last night because I’ve had enough. My husband has an an alcohol problem that he is not willing to recognise or deal with. We all have a line and him pissing on my clothes is mine.

I have a friend who has generously lent me a caravan to stay in so I packed a bag and left today. I still have accusations of it being my fault ringing in my ears.

ive never felt empowered to tell anyone what is happening to me or what my life has been like. I’m not feeling good right now……I’m in a caravan wondering where I go next. But I’m out! To anyone in my outside world I had a great marriage and a great husband and that just makes it harder to admit to anyone that your life is less than perfect.

my husband is more willing to not accept his alcohol problem than he is losing his wife. So im on the first step to doing the right thing ☹️

Well done for getting away from his failure to admit he's at fault. Onwards and upwards for you now - one step at a time!

Good on you for getting away. Hopefully the next steps will come easier but I suspect it'll be a slog.

End of the day though, you can only be responsible for yourself. You can't fix other people and you're under no obligation to hang around and watch them destroy themselves and everything around them.

Glad you've got an awesome friend who has your back. Hopefully the caravan will do whilst you sort out your next moves.

More than half of marriages end up not working anyway. I suspect people had more of an inclination than youd think about his issues and why you've decided to leave tbh. Either way, don't feel you need to lie for him or cover for him. Things ending isn't your fault or your shame to bare. He's the one that fucked it up.

I'm sorry there is clearly so much more to this but glad your tipping point came sooner rather than later. Good luck with whatever comes next & here's to a future of clean, dry dressing gowns. You've got this!

You are right there is so much more to it. I may be lambasted, especially today for finally giving up on an ex serviceman but there is only so much you can do.

I’ve been the most patient, loving partner a person in this position could want. But sometimes letting someone away with bad…..well terrible behaviour backfires on you.

anyone can find themselves in a bad situation mentally. It’s not ok to disrespect, humiliate and blame someone else for your situation.

today I was told that he finds the fact he pissed on my clothes funny. I do not get that and that’s why I left.

maybe finding it funny is easier than dealing with the fact he has a serious problem with alcohol?

I grew up with people who had alcohol problems. Most are dead now after not being able to admit they had a problem. I haven’t felt comfortable for a long time that I ended up marrying exactly that person.

The husband knew he was in the wrong because he didn't like OP finishing off the story. Ergo the sulk.

As for those who think a drunk man has carte blanche to piss anywhere, well drunken men should sleep in the garden with the rest of the wildlife.

Disgusting 🤢 I bet if you'd pissed all over his clothes he wouldn't be joking about it! He's being awfully disrespectful to you, when he should be ashamed of his behaviour and doing everything he can to apologise and make amends.

That would be a dealbreaker for me. No chance of continuing a relationship. Disgusting and disrespectful. 🤢

I'm glad that this has been your wake up call, OP. Good on you for realising that you're worth so much more than this. Losing control of one's bladder is understandable but then not cleaning up afterwards, especially on someone's intimate clothing, is hugely disrespectful and actually disturbing.

I could just about forgive the weeing. Say if a pp had a sleepwalking Dh. But to not go and get the dressing gown and put on a wash at the first opportunity before you woke up, seems odd. But no you shouldn't have told work colleagues, that was done bitterly and to humiliate him.

I too can't get over all the posts of pissing everywhere. I love a good drink, but I only get mildly 'I love you' tiddly and I've never been sick or done a wee anywhere, nor has Dh. Clearly we are the odd ones out!

Good for you OP. Glad you're getting out. It's sad but true that you can't help someone who won't admit they have a problem and doesn't want to be helped. You don't have to live with being disrespected and humiliated, you really don't. Ignore all the people acting like this sort of behaviour is normal or forgivable, they're probably also living with people with alcohol problems and can't see how reprehensible this sort of thing is right now. They might see the light one day like you have.

No sense continuing to set yourself on fire to keep him warm when he doesn't even appreciate the effort.

So just to be clear, in your view:

Pissing on her clothes knowingly and deliberately, leaving it there for her to find and put a pissy dressing gown on the next day, laughing in her face about it, telling her it's her fault he pissed on her clothes, and refusing to apologise even when he realises how upset she is - odd but fine, forgivable, not at all deliberately humiliating her.

Telling his work colleagues the next day while he regales them with tales of how funny his drunken antics were - spiteful, humiliating, unacceptable.

Christ. Why is your bar for men so low and the one for women so high?

Not sure it was knowingly?

An awful lot of men seem to do this.

Few years back a bloke told me he pissed in the wardrobe. I was quite surprised at this and said "you did what...?"

I can understand not being able to get to the bathroom in time or getting the wrong door in the dark but that seemed really odd. He said it was sleep paralysis but that isn't sleep paralysis, is it?

OP I wouldn't necessarily leave him over this if it's otherwise a good relationship but if this is infrequent, he pisses, he cleans, he apologises and makes sure it never happens again.

OP has left her DP.

Like I said upthread whenever I have heard of drunk men weeing in the wrong place, they didn't know they had done it. OP's DP knew he had done it and then left it for her to find.

Funny how you never hear of women pissing in wardrobes or on their partner's clothes. Wonder why that is.

There was no piss on the floor and he knew about it before she told him the next day. That is absolutely deliberate and intentional and she has every right to leave him over his piggish behaviour.

Consider raising your bar for men. If you can find it wherever you've buried it.

So glad you have left OP.

Even if he sorted out his drinking, I am not sure anything could ever really fix the fact that he sees you as someone to soak up his piss and not complain. He is a misogynist, drink or no drink. I am so so pleased you have a good friend who could help. 💐💐

Well done OP. It’s good you’ve taken this first step. I hope you’re able to carve out a good life for yourself.

Well done OP. Good luck in your new life.