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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband pissed on my clothes whilst drunk

223 replies

Middleagedmisunderstood · 12/11/2023 01:25

AIBU

so last weekend hubby and I had a rare night out. To be fair we were both worse for wear. I came home, went to bed and was comatose until the morning. I got up…..he was downstairs making coffee. I put my dressing gown on and it was wet! It had been hanging on the back of the bedroom door. All down the back of it was wet. I couldn’t figure out why it was wet and there was no wet on the floor. So I went downstairs and told him about it and he very casually admitted he had got up for the loo in the middle of the night and didn’t make it further than the door and he had (accidentally) pissed on my clothes that were hanging up.

I’m not happy. I’ve been drunk but I’ve never pissed on anyone’s clothes! He is treating this incident like it’s a normality and I’m being unreasonable for feeling otherwise. I’ve kept quiet all week because we had a big celebration this week and I didn’t want to spoil it.

however. We work together in the same place and on Friday I learned he had having a great big joke about how drunk he was and how he couldn’t get out his bedroom door. I find this totally juvenile and nothing to laugh about. Still embarrassed and humiliated that my husband pissed on my clothes I finished the story off and told everyone he missed out the part where he pissed on his wife’s clothes. Needless to say I’m now the bad person for finishing off his story. I was mad, I was humiliated and I probably shouldn’t have said what I did. But even tonight I am in the wrong for not just brushing this off and treating as nothing.

the man pissed on my clothes!

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 12/11/2023 11:33

Has he ever pissed on his own clothes? I wonder how out of control he really is???

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 12/11/2023 11:36

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/11/2023 11:04

I will say though that, having three brothers, men piss on things when they’re drunk. Hopefully they piss on something outside, but sometimes they piss on things inside because they are drunk and stupid. Things my brothers (or their friends) have admitted to pissing on or in whilst drunk: kitchen sinks, plant pots, fountains, closets, armchairs, pillows, showers/bathtubs, coat racks, each other’s shoes, their own shoes, umbrella stands, car tyres, patio furniture, ornamental orange trees, a dog bed, and an oven(?!).

This is so very far from normal that it's worrying that you are so accepting of it.

I agree. Completely NOT normal. And unacceptable.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/11/2023 11:39

The fact he left the pissed soaked clothes there and didn't put them in the washing machine when woke up

Or telling work about it as a ha ha I was dunk and did ......

He feels it is funny and isn't remorseful at all

It's not funny or clever and clearly shows no respect for you at all

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/11/2023 11:42

WhichEllie · 12/11/2023 01:59

Obviously it’s vile and he should be contrite when he sobers up and realizes that he ruined your stuff. He should also offer to replace it.

I will say though that, having three brothers, men piss on things when they’re drunk. Hopefully they piss on something outside, but sometimes they piss on things inside because they are drunk and stupid. Things my brothers (or their friends) have admitted to pissing on or in whilst drunk: kitchen sinks, plant pots, fountains, closets, armchairs, pillows, showers/bathtubs, coat racks, each other’s shoes, their own shoes, umbrella stands, car tyres, patio furniture, ornamental orange trees, a dog bed, and an oven(?!).

So I wouldn’t take it personally, but I would make sure he made up for it.

I am amazed that you put up with that. I would rather live alone than put up with that disgusting behaviour.

Museum1066 · 12/11/2023 11:43

Omg

VeridicalVagabond · 12/11/2023 11:44

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 12/11/2023 11:36

I agree. Completely NOT normal. And unacceptable.

Show quote history

Big agree, I grew up with four brothers, my best mate is a man, been with my husband 17 years and not one of them has ever behaved like a chimpanzee and pissed on the furniture/on someone's clothes/the floor. Up against a tree maybe but in the house? No.

Threads like this are so depressing. Never ceases to amaze me the appallingly low standards so many women have for men. "Oh this is normal man behaviour, my husband squatted and took a shit at the end of our bed once, hahaha" no it absolutely is not normal. You can demand and expect better for yourself than a man who behaves worse than a fucking dog.

BringMeTea · 12/11/2023 11:44

You can have a much nicer, happier and peaceful life OP. You know it. Screw up your courage and set the wheels in motion to leave this horrible piece of shit. You CAN do it and you deserve so much better treatment. Flowers

VickyEadieofThigh · 12/11/2023 11:44

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/11/2023 11:42

I am amazed that you put up with that. I would rather live alone than put up with that disgusting behaviour.

Show quote history

Indeed.

We're on our fourth rescue dog - theyvall came with abused histories - and not one of them has ever pissed in the house.

5128gap · 12/11/2023 11:47

Itsnotchristmasyet · 12/11/2023 11:01

He didn’t purposely piss on her clothes though did he?

And I’d be disgusted that he left it there and didn’t remove it, as I’ve already said.

The fact that she didn’t wet herself even though she admits to being comatose, is pure luck though and she can’t say it was disgusting that he couldn’t get to the bathroom when she couldn’t either.

Show quote history

If whether you wet yourself or not while drunk is down to 'pure luck', like it's 50/50, then you need to seek help either for alcoholism or continence.

Being so drunk you miss the signals you need to empty your bladder and sleep through is actually a very dangerous sign of alcohol abuse. Most frequently seen in alcoholics. And it isn't what happened here. This guy knew he needed to go, woke up, got up and pissed on a dressing gown. Nothing wrong with his bladder to brain signal. Everything wrong with his judgement.

Myfabby · 12/11/2023 11:49

VeridicalVagabond · 12/11/2023 11:44

Big agree, I grew up with four brothers, my best mate is a man, been with my husband 17 years and not one of them has ever behaved like a chimpanzee and pissed on the furniture/on someone's clothes/the floor. Up against a tree maybe but in the house? No.

Threads like this are so depressing. Never ceases to amaze me the appallingly low standards so many women have for men. "Oh this is normal man behaviour, my husband squatted and took a shit at the end of our bed once, hahaha" no it absolutely is not normal. You can demand and expect better for yourself than a man who behaves worse than a fucking dog.

Show quote history

Once I saw the poop at the end of the bed, I gasped. I cannot believe it.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 12/11/2023 11:52

Caerulea · 12/11/2023 11:32

Are you the husband?

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Yes I’m the husband 🙄🙄

AnotherEmma · 12/11/2023 11:58

Middleagedmisunderstood · 12/11/2023 01:38

I guess I need to ask because after 25 years of similar disrespectful incidents I’m finally getting the confidence together to realise that this isn’t normal and it’s not ok and I want something better for my life ☹️

As this is just one of many incidents of disrespect, you need to LTB.

You don't need to try and reason with him about it or get him to see your POV - that won't work.

Just leave him.

Flowers
Museum1066 · 12/11/2023 11:58

Itsnotchristmasyet · 12/11/2023 11:52

Yes I’m the husband 🙄🙄

Show quote history

You'll always get some

AnotherEmma · 12/11/2023 12:00

Oh and FWIW I think it would be just about forgivable if he washed the clothes as soon as he realised and was sober enough to do so, and apologised profusely. He should be mortified not telling others about the "funny story"!

TooOldForThisNonsense · 12/11/2023 13:11

It is not normal behaviour for an adult human male or anyone to piss or shit anywhere indoors but a toilet facility

the last time anyone in this house pissed or shat themselves they were 2 years old and being potty trained!

Fraaahnces · 12/11/2023 13:32

You know what they do to male cats that pee everywhere?
✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️

LivingDeadGirlUK · 12/11/2023 13:35

I'm sorry OP its disgusting, one of my Ex's did similar however he also got up before me and put everything in the wash, made me breakfast, and was incredibly apologetic. The fact he just left it all there shows an utter lack of respect.

Whatafustercluck · 12/11/2023 14:55

askmenow · 12/11/2023 11:18

Why do we raise such low quality men in this country? Over and over we hear tales of abuse, coercive control, disrespect of women in general on this site. And as a collective, they egg each other on to become ever worse.
Threatened perhaps by the tide of capable women who are starting to call them out?

And generally its us women that raise these boy children to become these awful disrespectful bullies.....why?

Show quote history

These boy children who become awful disrespectful bullies have two parents. Most likely it's also the lack of a decent, respectful male role model that results in the stories we read about here.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 12/11/2023 15:24

So he KNEW he had pissed over your clothes but is so disgustingly disrespectful of you that he did not clean up, wash them and apologise profusely for being so drunk? Sod that he would have had his arse handed to him on a plate if he had done that to me

localnotail · 12/11/2023 15:24

I think the fact he wasn't mortified/ tried to clean it (and even blamed you for this) is much worse than the whole pissing incident. He obvs understood it was gross (as he did not want colleagues to know) but was quite happy for you to deal with the aftermath - and let you put wet dressing gown on, OMG? I would beat him up with the piss stained rags so hard he would never forget.

Lilybetsey · 12/11/2023 15:32

I would leave him today. Enough.

ReverendBlueJeans · 12/11/2023 15:55

@Caerulea Perhaps you could have read my sentence addressed to OP that said:

"You did nothing wrong".

I was simply suggesting she didn't stuff down her own feelings for a week and then explode in rage. She might have got a better outcome for herself.

MammaPenny · 12/11/2023 16:43

Hardly endorsement, just being realistic that I can absolutely guarantee you if you surveyed the UK the majority of men who’ve had too much to drink have tried to pee somewhere they shouldn’t 😂

39and · 12/11/2023 16:58

MammaPenny · 12/11/2023 16:43

Hardly endorsement, just being realistic that I can absolutely guarantee you if you surveyed the UK the majority of men who’ve had too much to drink have tried to pee somewhere they shouldn’t 😂

I've never known a guy to piss himself after a few drinks.

39and · 12/11/2023 16:59

Or to piss on someone's clothes