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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get niece & nephew Christmas presents this year?

210 replies

fudgelover1 · 10/11/2023 21:30

I always buy my niece and nephew Christmas presents, and I usually buy like 3/4 parents as their birthdays are in December so it's a joint present.

However last year they never said thank you and the parents didn't say anything either.

I never get any presents back of my sister and BIL.

This year I don't feel like buying my niece and nephew anything for Christmas just because I dont find them appreciative or grateful.

My nephew was chucking the toys on the floor that I brought him last year.

They are 8 and 13.

Am I being unreasonable to not buy them anything this year?

OP posts:
StSwithinsDay · 10/11/2023 21:33

YANBU.

vincettenoir · 10/11/2023 21:37

They are small kids who can’t emotionally regulate yet. I think YABU to be so precious about last year. But I guess it’s your money and it’s up to you.

KatBurglar · 10/11/2023 21:40

The thank yous should come from their parents. I gather you don't have children yourself, OP?

If you have kids and sister and BIL don't buy for them, YANBU to stop buying gifts.

If you don't have children, YABU to punish your niece and nephew for not being brought up with manners.

Bonbon21 · 10/11/2023 21:41

You have the perfect COL excuse/reason to stop.
If anyone has the balls to comment... you cant afford it... simple as that.

LimboNovember · 10/11/2023 21:42

Children do throw toys around.
Can you give a 10 in card each?
It's not nice your care and generosity have been talent for granted.
However I wouldn't punish the dc.. I would just reduce and give money in card. Children love money in card.

JaceLancs · 10/11/2023 21:43

I stopped buying for my nephews when they stopped saying thank you
I used to buy for them - then their DC - whole family present etc
Not a single acknowledgement so no more

Original poster
fudgelover1 · 10/11/2023 21:45

With the cost of living and everything I worked out I spend way too much at Christmas.

I agree it is down to the parents to say thank you, it is every year that I don't get a thank you.

My niece is a teenager now and I brought her designer perfume last year (at her request) and I think she is old enough to say thank you at least.

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 10/11/2023 21:45

vincettenoir · 10/11/2023 21:37

They are small kids who can’t emotionally regulate yet. I think YABU to be so precious about last year. But I guess it’s your money and it’s up to you.

They're 8 and 13, not toddlers. They should have learned some manners at those ages.

SwirlyWhirls · 10/11/2023 21:49

KatBurglar · 10/11/2023 21:40

The thank yous should come from their parents. I gather you don't have children yourself, OP?

If you have kids and sister and BIL don't buy for them, YANBU to stop buying gifts.

If you don't have children, YABU to punish your niece and nephew for not being brought up with manners.

I eventually stopped buying my nieces presents when they were about 18 and 20, as I never received any thank yous from anyone (including parents) and as far as know there was no enjoyment from the gifts, so it was pointless. I should have stopped sooner.

SwirlyWhirls · 10/11/2023 21:51

fudgelover1 · 10/11/2023 21:45

With the cost of living and everything I worked out I spend way too much at Christmas.

I agree it is down to the parents to say thank you, it is every year that I don't get a thank you.

My niece is a teenager now and I brought her designer perfume last year (at her request) and I think she is old enough to say thank you at least.

I agree. A teenager is old enough to say thank you.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 10/11/2023 21:52

Of course an 8 and 13 year old are old enough to say thank you and not throw toys in the floor! I’d have been mortified if DS has done that at 2 never mind 8! He’s always said thank you or sent a thank you message if he didn’t see the gift giver when they gave it.

converseandjeans · 10/11/2023 21:54

YANBU to be fed up - but honestly it's the parent's fault. We force ours to write notes to say thank you - but I think it's rare nowadays & a bit old fashioned.

Maybe just give them £10 & a selection box?

LoneFemaleTraveller · 10/11/2023 21:54

How do you hand them over?
i cannot imagine someone handing a child anything and them not immediately saying thank you. Do you post them?

Universalsnail · 10/11/2023 21:55

They are children. I would still buy for them. Honestly you'll end up with a family like mine and it's rubbish. Yes they were ungrateful last year no doubt modelled by their parents but they will remember you bothered when they grow up. You don't have to get much but i would gift something small. A book each or something.

FFSWhatToDoNow · 10/11/2023 21:56

Haven’t bought for any of our 6 nieces and nephews since they were about 3.

Original poster
fudgelover1 · 10/11/2023 21:57

I could just give a box of chocolates and a Christmas card with £20 in it and address it to the whole family.

Even my parents tell me not to buy them anything as they see how I don't even get a thank you.

OP posts:
PestilencialCrisis · 10/11/2023 21:59

Did you send it in the post or give it to them in person? If in person, surely they must've said thank you as it was handed over? Or do you mean they didn't say thank you after opening the present? Or do you mean that they said thank you on the phone/text, but didn't write a thank you card?

BeADinosaur · 10/11/2023 22:00

Some odd responses here.

I would expect 8 and 13 year olds to say thank you for a gift.

I would not expect 8 and 13 year olds to throw gifts around.

@fudgelover1 YANBU to not buy a gift for them. I would probably drop it casually in conversation to your sister though so the kids aren't expecting one, along the lines of "just to let you know that instead of buying Niece and nephew a gift this year, I've donated to X charity. They haven't seemed to like the presents I've bought previously, as nephew was throwing his on the floor and niece did not say anything after opening the perfume I got her, so figured this was better than wasting money on gifts they don't enjoy."

PestilencialCrisis · 10/11/2023 22:01

Can you just give the a "family" present, like pictionary or a Netflix voucher?

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 10/11/2023 22:02

If you want to still do something you could give the children £5 each in a card. Low effort, low cost not so hurtful if they don't say thanks.

PlacidPenelope · 10/11/2023 22:04

fudgelover1 · 10/11/2023 21:57

I could just give a box of chocolates and a Christmas card with £20 in it and address it to the whole family.

Even my parents tell me not to buy them anything as they see how I don't even get a thank you.

Take the advice of your parents and don't by them anything at all, not niece, nephew or adults if they say anything just say you've followed their example of not buying gifts.

Doggymummar · 10/11/2023 22:05

I know how you feel I had the same with my best friend and her child. I usually spend about £50 each this year not even a WhatsApp to say thanks and not even a card for me on my birthday so they are off the Christmas list.

Original poster
fudgelover1 · 10/11/2023 22:05

@PestilencialCrisis we always meet at our parents on Christmas Day

I have them the presents and not once did they say thank you.

They opened the presents and just looked at me blankly before my nephew started throwing the toys on my parents laminate floor.

@BeADinosaur that is a good idea actually.
To let them know in advance so they don't expect anything.

It is difficult as my other sister's child always says thank you and I always get a box of chocolates in return.

So if I don't buy for one sister's kids it will look bad not buying for the other.

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 10/11/2023 22:05

fudgelover1 · 10/11/2023 21:57

I could just give a box of chocolates and a Christmas card with £20 in it and address it to the whole family.

Even my parents tell me not to buy them anything as they see how I don't even get a thank you.

I wouldn’t even bother with the £20 - a £5 tub of chocolates. A token gift for the ungrateful arses. Job done.

Doggymummar · 10/11/2023 22:05

You need to tell them why