To not get niece & nephew Christmas presents this year?

[fudgelover1]

I always buy my niece and nephew Christmas presents, and I usually buy like 3/4 parents as their birthdays are in December so it's a joint present.

However last year they never said thank you and the parents didn't say anything either.

I never get any presents back of my sister and BIL.

This year I don't feel like buying my niece and nephew anything for Christmas just because I dont find them appreciative or grateful.

My nephew was chucking the toys on the floor that I brought him last year.

They are 8 and 13.

Am I being unreasonable to not buy them anything this year?

I agree with other pps that you would be justified in either not buying presents, or buying a very small token present for these ungrateful children.

Yes, I accept that written thank-yous may be a thing of the past, but a nice, personal text is the very minimum, I think. Of course you say thank you when first opening the present, but it's good to reinforce that with something later. I was always made to write my thank-you letters and although I hated it (all children do) it taught me a lesson about how much the thank-you meant to the person who'd bought me a present (because they'd often tell us so!!). I didn't understand this lesson at the time, but that's true of a lot of things we need to learn as children. Parents need to say 'Trust me, this will matter to Auntie Jill!'

I used to get my children (when they were little) to draw a picture (maybe of the actual present) and just write 'thank you' and the person's name, if they could. This made it a bit more enjoyable and creative for them and brought a smile to the face of the present-giver.

I sometimes feel so depressed by the level of grabby selfishness which we hear about now - on MN particularly! Surely enforcing the idea of a thank-you, oral, written or drawn, is an important lesson for kids - to try to understand the thought that's gone into a gift. The fact that they might think it's boring is absolutely irrelevant. Bits of life are boring, so get over it!

Nonsense.

Gifts are part of the reciprocal give and take in relationships, a dialogue of sorts. Expecting a response when one has made a kindly and generous gesture is normal. If the "dialogue" is always one-sided and unanswered, why bother?
For the little thrill you feel when you find THAT present, for the excitement in wrapping it, for the littlebuzz you get knowing you have bought someone something! You win some, you lose some, people might not always acknowledge or even like your presents, but there’s a nice feeling in knowing you did something nice for someone and that you tried your best to give them something to make them smile. There’s a whole load of people out there only willing to give if they get, help if they’ve been helped and who are waiting for other people to make the first move just because they shouldn’t have to go first. Very lonely way to live.

Ps I’d be shocked if everyone on this thread can hand on heart say every time they were given a gift as a child they reacted the right way when they were given it- didn’t just take and run out, put it down, leave it behind or forget to say thanks for it at least once?!

How insulting.

Expecting the common social courtesy of thanks doesn't make one a person who "only gives to get."

Seems reasonable not to, think you have to assume it will be no presents in the future as well.

The way it would work with my family (at my parents’ house) is that someone would sit by the tree and pass out all the presents. Like “here’s one for X”. So I didn’t pass the presents directly to my nieces. With maybe 8 people in the room, typically 2-3 presents would be being opened at once. My nieces would just quietly open their presents and put them to the side without saying thank you.

I find the not saying thank you, odd. Surely everyones automatic response to being given a gift is thank you! 🤔

Putting tin hat on. I am old (had to write thank you letters to aunts and uncles, extremely confusing as I still believed in father Xmas) but 1 word comes to my mind.
Spoilt.
Then again, don't know the children or parents, at least a thank you, even at 8, is not too much to expect.

They're 8 and 13, not 3 year old toddlers.
Stop excusing bad behaviour and bad manners.

I hand over the gifts. I expect a thank you at that point. If there is none, I gently pull the gift back and say "shall we try that again?". I repeat the process until they realise that I am expecting them to say thanks.

Once the present is opened, if they've not said anything, I will say "Do you like it" or "what do we say now?".

Repeat each and every time. They WILL get it, they might just need a nudge.

There are some funny fish on MN. 8 and 10 too young to say thank you. Utter bollocks. I would expect a 2 year old to say thank you. And it's absolutely down to the kids, not the parents, to say thanks!

i would change it to a family present, a cinema voucher or something

Thirteen is old enough to be appreciative and capable of saying thankyou at the least.

Just get the chocolates.

Oh Fgs. 'Emotionally regulate' is that the new excuse now? What they are so dysregulated that the words thank you are emotionally scarring to utter?

Op yanbu, lack of manners deserve nothing.

I have the exact same issue in my family.

My nieces/nephews are grown up now but some have their own kids. It was 1 of their children's first birthdays recently and I never got any acknowledgement that they even received it, never mind a thank you. They got married recently too, nothing from them about their wedding gift.

I was brought up to always say thank you, I hated having to make those phone calls BUT now I realise why and my kids always thank people for their gifts, or I do on their behalf. My eldest (10yo) now has a phone so he texts them to say thank you.

My husband thinks I'm OTT with it but he wasn't brought up to say thank you to family for gifts. I think it's important.

This year I'm doing a tenner in a card for each of the children and that's it.

There you go. Even their own GPs are telling you not to buy.

Oh and my kids never get anything from any of them, not even a birthday card, so it galls me even more.

My niece and nephew never say thank you either. They don’t even acknowledge receipt. And nor do their parents on their behalf. It’s fucking rude.

An 8 year old and a 13 year old are old enough to say thank you and if the 8 year old forgets, a little nudge from parents usually helps them along.

I have an 8 year old niece and if I'm not there when she opens her present and says 'thanks' my sister always stops me a text later to say it.

It's just nice manners when someone has gone out of their way to get you something you asked for.

If this has been the case for years, I would suggest not doing anything this year and see what happens. Will anyone notice? If anyone says anything you can just say (nicely), 'no one ever acknowledges the gifts so I thought they were probably not wanted'.

I really feel for you in this situation OP as I know that creeping feeling of resentment building up where there should be joy in giving.

Your parents have recognised this too and I do think they would be better placed as grandparents to gently teach the children some manners (where their parents are badly failing their children ) at the point you hand over a gift on Christmas day.

Could you talk about this with your parents beforehand, and then maybe you could decide to buy a small but meaningful gift for the children if your parents will stand by and intervene in the absence of any manners again this year. Or better still, maybe they could have a general talk about how to say thank you with their grandchildren well before Christmas so that they are more prepared and more understanding of the art of receiving gifts. They could then be on hand to remind them if they forget.
If you can instil these basic manners it will be a gift for life to your niece and nephew from you and their grandparents.

We aren't giving gifts to nieces or their children this year. One adult dn never thanked us and when I mentioned it to her all I got was 'I forgot '
So gift giving for her stopped right there.
We are now retired so income isnt vast, we have to draw our horns in somewhere.

By 8 and 13, they are certainly old enough to say thank you and not throw gifts around!

One year I gave my niece and nephew packs of ‘thank you’ notelets as part of their gift, thinking that it might prompt them to say thank you. It didn’t.

👏A good idea though.

Tell your sister that it’s a tough year financially so you are not giving gifts and she must please not buy anything for you. Not that she was going to, but then the message has been delivered and expectations managed. After that, every year is financially tough….Job sorted!