To not get niece & nephew Christmas presents this year?

[fudgelover1]

I always buy my niece and nephew Christmas presents, and I usually buy like 3/4 parents as their birthdays are in December so it's a joint present.

However last year they never said thank you and the parents didn't say anything either.

I never get any presents back of my sister and BIL.

This year I don't feel like buying my niece and nephew anything for Christmas just because I dont find them appreciative or grateful.

My nephew was chucking the toys on the floor that I brought him last year.

They are 8 and 13.

Am I being unreasonable to not buy them anything this year?

They are 8 & 13. Old enough to know not to throw toys around.

8 and 13 are old enough to know manners. 13 is a teenager, heavens above . I think they know !

Nope not unreasonable. I have done exactly the same. I bought for one lot and not the others so that put the cat amongst the pigeons - not that the kids knew the others got presents. The first year of no thank you - I let it slide - maybe each parent thought the other had done it. The second year - I was annoyed. The third year - I left presents for one lot of kids and when asked about the others I said - I didn't get a thankyou from either parent for the last two years so haven't bothered buying this year. It takes 2 mins for the parent to send a text with a thankyou, It's not like I expected the kids to write a long arsed thank you letter like I used to have to!

8 and 13 are not small children

I can't imagine not saying thankyou when you are in the room with them. I'd either give nothing and if asked say they didn't seem to like the presents you got them last year as they didn't say thankyou, or do £5 in a card for each.

Written thank yous are a thing of the past. If you buy them a present then your kids should get bought one too. If you don’t have kids then you might only except a thank you from the parents. Sometimes it’s better to ask parents what the kids would like. This can work but sometimes parents are grabby or ask for money. If that happens buy a voucher.

I thought we gave because we saw something people really wanted to have as opposed to receiving back? Yes not great they didn’t respond the right way but you’re being as bad back in another way surely? As someone said a family present instead? A board game is a great one

Ps as you hand it over if there’s no thank you say you’re welcome 😉 If they make a fuss innocently say ‘sorry I thought you actually said thank you’

Yes stop buying gifts!

they are old enough to say thank you and be gracious.

My my sisters brought my kids gifts, I got them gifts - or their kids gifts.

Mine were told if they didn’t say thank you they wouldn’t get any more - it’s not that difficult to understand.

The presents were what the kids wanted and asked for.

My nephew even came up to me after opening his presents to ask me " have you got me any more presents"?.

I probably won't bother this year as I am trying to save money and in the previous years have spent £100 + on these kids.

They are 8 and 13. Hardly small kids.

The thank yous should come from their parents. I gather you don't have children yourself, OP?

WTF? I do have children and I have grandchildren. And absolutely the thank you should come from the children. These kids are 8 and 13! My kids said thank you (nudged by me where necessary) from the moment they could say the word. My little granddaughters the same. Their parents will then add an 'oh that's lovely, thank you' of their own where appropriate.

If you see them on Xmas day I would give them both a token gift like a small selection box or chocolate orange. Otherwise I wouldn't bother at all.

I stopped giving to my siblings kids presents when it dawned on me I never got any acknowledgement and even my 'big' bdays went by without even a text so none of them give a monkeys about me.

As a child, we had an elderly spinster great aunt who always bought us a gift and my Mum always gave her a present from all us kids (not comparing OP to an elderly spinster btw, the memory just poppped into my mind!)

I think this is what i would do as I wouldn’t want to make a big deal of it, but certainly wouldn’t want to spend too much or give the present buying any head space.

We have the annual writing thank you card forced sessions with the kids DD 10 and DS 8. They don't want to do it. Every year.
I make them anyway and explain why it's so important to say thank you.
It's an effort each year, but it's worth it, a polite thank you is always so gratefully received.
I also hated writing my thank you cards when I was a kid - it was just childhood laziness more than anything!

Same here. Now mine text, but I make sure they’ve done it!

I'd be tempted to give the 13yo a Costa voucher and the 8yo a shed-load of sugar (maybe a massive jar of jelly beans). And nothing for the adults.

YANBU, however, you were BU for previously buying them "joint birthday/Christmas" presents. Why do people think it's ok to do that?

@ReadingSoManyThreads

They both have December birthdays and it's not like I buy them one present each I buy them several each for birthday and Christmas.

The birthdays are literally a few days before Christmas.

I dont think its being unreasonable seeing as I dont get anything of the parents for mine.

YWNBU so long as you wrapped some presents in Christmas wrapping paper and some presents in birthday wrapping paper.

Personally, I think you need to separate out the parents and the kids. I'd definitely stop giving to your sister and BIL, but the children are separate people. With admittedly shit manners that they've learnt from their parents. They may learn some good manners eventually from non-parental influences and may, far into the future, tell you that actually they loved receiving presents from you and this was a highlight for them.

I am in similar situations with our nieces and nephews, well we are same on both sides. But we are not going to stop giving to the children and then be accused of being something or other.

If there’s a birthday each and a Christmas gift (my family all seem to have birthdays before and after Xmas too so I can relate), you need to spend less.

so for example birthday one sort Xmas the other
book and £5 or a booktoken
chocs, sweets or selection box with £5

Or just a £5 gift so mini set of toiletries, fluffy socks, hot choc and a mug that sort of thing.

If you can get birthday down to £10 each xmas £5 will be £30 for both rather than a £100.

And no definitely do not give a family joint gift as then the adults also get something and don’t give to you.

See how that goes for this year and the best of luck I really do know how utterly hurtful it is.

I think I would buy the children one small gift each for birthday and one each for Christmas, again very small. Maybe some Xmas chocs each.

I wouldn’t make a sudden cut off in giving but I wouldn’t spend much. That would feel easiest to me but it’s ok to stop if you prefer of course.

They absolutely should have been more grateful and appreciative. But at the same time I think you’d be less bothered by that if you’d not spent so much.

If anyone says anything I’d just say I was cutting back this year as expenses mount up and you often get the feeling that some of things you give ‘people’ are not really enjoyed or wasted money.

I would probably just decide on a £10 budget per niece/nephew OR get them each a selection box and stick a £10 note to it?

You could ask your sister and brother-in-law whether you are 'all not doing presents again this year?', if they don't buy you anything!

Yes, I'd do this. All kids like cash. When they grow up they will remember you bought them things. I saw my now adult nephew when I attended a funeral earlier in the year. I chatted to him for a while and one of his sons was getting bored and wanting attention, he turned to his young son and said stop being rude, Aunty X was always very kind to me when I was a child. I want to speak with her now. It made me swallow a lump in my throat that he remembered.