Page 3 | To not get niece & nephew Christmas presents this year?

fudgelover1 · 2023-11-10T21:30:08+00:00

I always buy my niece and nephew Christmas presents, and I usually buy like 3/4 parents as their birthdays are in December so it's a joint present. However last year they never said thank you and the parents didn't say anything either. I never get any presents back of my sister and BIL. This year I don't feel like buying my niece and nephew anything for Christmas just because I dont find them appreciative or grateful. My nephew was chucking the toys on the floor that I brought him last year. They are 8 and 13. Am I being unreasonable to not buy them anything this year?

momtoboys · 11/11/2023 00:29

vincettenoir · 10/11/2023 21:37

They are small kids who can’t emotionally regulate yet. I think YABU to be so precious about last year. But I guess it’s your money and it’s up to you.

Oh, that is ridiculous.

caringcarer · 11/11/2023 00:29

I think the DC have been brought up badly by their parents. My sister's always gift to my 2 DGS's who are only 8 and 5 and the boys always send a thank you letter they write themselves to my sister's. Before they could write they drew a picture and put a thank you stamp on it. I've seen them stuck up on my sister's fridge.

Banana1979 · 11/11/2023 00:33

at age 8 unless they have your number how can they say thank you
that’s for the parents to say
Unless did they did not say thank you when u handed them the presents
did you actually hand over the presents to them or did you take them in a bag and tell the parents to give the gifts as that makes a difference
sometimes I’m irked when people expect and extra thank you after I’ve opened a gift when I already said thanks when receiving it it’s like people want two thank yous and that’s not what gifting is about.
maybe call your sibling and say the kids have never said thank you -and if there is an issue with the gifts your giving that way you can inform her you don’t get a thank you without being confrontational .

Original poster

fudgelover1 · 11/11/2023 00:33

caringcarer · 11/11/2023 00:29

I think the DC have been brought up badly by their parents. My sister's always gift to my 2 DGS's who are only 8 and 5 and the boys always send a thank you letter they write themselves to my sister's. Before they could write they drew a picture and put a thank you stamp on it. I've seen them stuck up on my sister's fridge.

@caringcarer

Yes 100% it is a result of the parenting as the parents have no manners themselves.

OP posts:

mondaytosunday · 11/11/2023 00:44

I used to buy presents for my cousins kids who lived abroad. I didn't have kids for the first few years but when I did I never got any presents back, but that's not why I bought them. Then one year my cousin wrote to me at Easter and said she knew I had sent them gifts at Christmas, but that they had so many she couldn't remember what they were but thanks.
Never sent them gifts again.

Original poster

fudgelover1 · 11/11/2023 00:52

Banana1979 · 11/11/2023 00:33

at age 8 unless they have your number how can they say thank you
that’s for the parents to say
Unless did they did not say thank you when u handed them the presents
did you actually hand over the presents to them or did you take them in a bag and tell the parents to give the gifts as that makes a difference
sometimes I’m irked when people expect and extra thank you after I’ve opened a gift when I already said thanks when receiving it it’s like people want two thank yous and that’s not what gifting is about.
maybe call your sibling and say the kids have never said thank you -and if there is an issue with the gifts your giving that way you can inform her you don’t get a thank you without being confrontational .

We always celebrate Christmas at my parents.

I will hand the presents over in a gift bag and they have never said a thank you.

They will unwrap the presents and still not say a simple thanks, instead I get asked for more presents.

I guess it does seem harsh just stopping buying them presents all together, the selection box with £5 is a good idea though.

OP posts:

RocketIceLollie · 11/11/2023 00:53

Christmas is for children essentially. If you are looking for a thank you then perhaps give the gifts to the children yourself rather than leave them to open a few days later on Christmas Day so they remember to say thank you when they receive the gift to open there and then rather than being forgotten in the pile of presents from various people.

Pemba · 11/11/2023 01:02

The OP does give them the gifts then and there and I think they open them right away, as it is Christmas Day? That's how I read it.

Incredible that these kids don't know to just say 'thanks', and haven't been taught by their parents. They are apparently more than capable of speaking up and asking if there are more presents, and requesting what they want though. Amazing bad manners. I don't blame the eight year old so much but it's not as though they are tiny pre-schoolers. Terrible parenting.

OP you have been very generous and your relatives have taken that for granted. I would just stop now, you are perfectly justified.

Original poster

fudgelover1 · 11/11/2023 01:05

RocketIceLollie · 11/11/2023 00:53

Christmas is for children essentially. If you are looking for a thank you then perhaps give the gifts to the children yourself rather than leave them to open a few days later on Christmas Day so they remember to say thank you when they receive the gift to open there and then rather than being forgotten in the pile of presents from various people.

I see the children on Christmas Day as we all go round to my parents.

OP posts:

LaurieStrode · 11/11/2023 01:20

KatBurglar · 10/11/2023 21:40

The thank yous should come from their parents. I gather you don't have children yourself, OP?

If you have kids and sister and BIL don't buy for them, YANBU to stop buying gifts.

If you don't have children, YABU to punish your niece and nephew for not being brought up with manners.

Oh hogwash. It's not punishing them. They won't notice the difference.

Nip it in the bud and stop the pointless merchandise train, OP.

LaurieStrode · 11/11/2023 01:22

RocketIceLollie · 11/11/2023 00:53

Christmas is for children essentially. If you are looking for a thank you then perhaps give the gifts to the children yourself rather than leave them to open a few days later on Christmas Day so they remember to say thank you when they receive the gift to open there and then rather than being forgotten in the pile of presents from various people.

Christmas is not essentially for children. By far.

We have barely any children in our large extended family and still massively enjoy it.

Grabby little ingrates shouldn't be tolerated.

MrsClausno27 · 11/11/2023 01:29

I'm mrs Claus and I say stop buying for the entitled little shits.

QWERTYoutside · 11/11/2023 02:44

Oh jeez stop, manners are free and gift giving is lovely when people are appreciative, it’s hard to stop at first but it will become the new norm.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 11/11/2023 04:15

vincettenoir · 10/11/2023 21:37

They are small kids who can’t emotionally regulate yet. I think YABU to be so precious about last year. But I guess it’s your money and it’s up to you.

At what age do children start to 'emotionally regulate'?

thehonscupboard · 11/11/2023 04:33

Buy them a set of thank you cards and a pen and stamps.

LaurieStrode · 11/11/2023 06:02

stayathomer · 10/11/2023 23:08

I thought we gave because we saw something people really wanted to have as opposed to receiving back? Yes not great they didn’t respond the right way but you’re being as bad back in another way surely? As someone said a family present instead? A board game is a great one

Nonsense.

Gifts are part of the reciprocal give and take in relationships, a dialogue of sorts. Expecting a response when one has made a kindly and generous gesture is normal. If the "dialogue" is always one-sided and unanswered, why bother?

Drop the rope, OP. If they're taken aback, that's their problem. Thank you notes are NOT a thing of the past.

LaurieStrode · 11/11/2023 06:09

caringcarer · 11/11/2023 00:29

I think the DC have been brought up badly by their parents. My sister's always gift to my 2 DGS's who are only 8 and 5 and the boys always send a thank you letter they write themselves to my sister's. Before they could write they drew a picture and put a thank you stamp on it. I've seen them stuck up on my sister's fridge.

You're doing a great job of raising such thoughtful and gracious kids!

TolkiensFallow · 11/11/2023 06:10

There are a few things you could do but I think you actually need to address the issue. It’s a bit pass agg to see people or children at Xmas and just not give anything.

You could speak to the parents and let them know you love the kids but you have noticed the lack of manners and find it rude.

You could give the kids presents and if they don’t say thank you then say “have you forgotten to say something/forgotten your manners? I shan’t be buying presents again if you don’t want them” - they are old enough to hear this and they won’t learn if no one teaches them. Their parents clearly aren’t teaching them but it will be a life lesson.

Finally…the joint xmas and birthday thing…I get that you buy several presents. Are the birthday presents wrapped in birthday paper and given ok the actual birthday? It doesn’t sound like it…that is the etiquette though. Having your birthday written off “because it’s so close to Xmas they might as well be combined” is a pet peeve of most people with Xmas birthdays.

angsanana · 11/11/2023 06:15

vincettenoir · 10/11/2023 21:37

They are small kids who can’t emotionally regulate yet. I think YABU to be so precious about last year. But I guess it’s your money and it’s up to you.

7 is old enough to not chuck a toy on the floor that doesn't belong on the floor. Writing a thank you card is a faff at that age but a thank you if some sort is just polite eg from the parents. It's not unreasonable not to buy but I get these conversations and decisions can have consequences making you think you wish you'd just bought something to keep the peace! Only you can make that call xx

PurpleSky09 · 11/11/2023 06:30

Sounds like it's just how they've been brought up. If you can afford a gift for them both I wouldn't stop completely. Why don't you just ask them what they would like and go from there? It's ungrateful and rude not to say thank you but maybe they simply don't like the gifts and being children it will be harder for them to hide their disappointment. If you buy them something they've asked for and hand it to them you can make a point of asking for a thank you!

Otherwise I think you need to speak to your sibling and explain why you're not going to spend so much this year so everyone is aware. Spending £100+ to now buying them a shared box of £5 chocolates is going to go down like a lead balloon and potentially start a row which I'd want to avoid on Christmas Day!

piscofrisco · 11/11/2023 06:38

I have this same dilemma except my niece and nephew are 27 and 24 and both working. Im
Not doing it this year after 24 years of not being thanked!

Rocksonabeach · 11/11/2023 06:38

No you aren’t being unreasonable I’m no contact with mine and it’s a relief not to spend £100 s on everybody.

The year before Last Christmas I gave everyone presents and dropped them round and I didn’t get a single text to say thank you. Last year I didn’t do anything and I won’t this year. I do donate to a soup kitchen and help out instead.

Penguinmouse · 11/11/2023 06:47

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I used to write thank you notes at an age younger than them - I can’t believe their parents didn’t prompt with a “say thank you” even if they forgot. I would maybe raise with their parents ahead of Christmas Day so that it’s not awkward on the day but entirely reasonable to say you’ve never been thanked and presents were chucked on the floor last year so you won’t be getting gifts beyond a selection box. That might kick the parents into action and realising how rude they’ve been.

Hotchocolatemousse · 11/11/2023 06:47

Don't give them anything, just wrap a large box of biscuits as a family gift. If they query the absence of gifts say you're re-evaluating everything. Mention that little Johnny might be too old for toys because he threw them around last year. So you didn't think he'd appreciate receiving childish toys again this year.

LaurieStrode · 11/11/2023 06:53

PurpleSky09 · 11/11/2023 06:30

Sounds like it's just how they've been brought up. If you can afford a gift for them both I wouldn't stop completely. Why don't you just ask them what they would like and go from there? It's ungrateful and rude not to say thank you but maybe they simply don't like the gifts and being children it will be harder for them to hide their disappointment. If you buy them something they've asked for and hand it to them you can make a point of asking for a thank you!

Otherwise I think you need to speak to your sibling and explain why you're not going to spend so much this year so everyone is aware. Spending £100+ to now buying them a shared box of £5 chocolates is going to go down like a lead balloon and potentially start a row which I'd want to avoid on Christmas Day!

No. Just no.

A) she DID get them what they requested and still received no thanks

B) their parents get no input or advance warning that gifts won't be given this year. Who gives a shit if it's a lead balloon? They certainly haven't concerned themselves with OP's feelings.