Page 8 | To not get niece & nephew Christmas presents this year?

fudgelover1 · 2023-11-10T21:30:08+00:00

I always buy my niece and nephew Christmas presents, and I usually buy like 3/4 parents as their birthdays are in December so it's a joint present. However last year they never said thank you and the parents didn't say anything either. I never get any presents back of my sister and BIL. This year I don't feel like buying my niece and nephew anything for Christmas just because I dont find them appreciative or grateful. My nephew was chucking the toys on the floor that I brought him last year. They are 8 and 13. Am I being unreasonable to not buy them anything this year?

Hihellogoodbye · 12/11/2023 21:13

I’m in the same situation with my SIL. She’s a single mum to a 8 year old girl. Always self centred and no matter how much we try she just ignores us and never says even a thank you.

so I’m done with her. Not trying anymore.

this year will be buying for my other sil and her family and my pil

Ilovecleaning · 12/11/2023 21:20

‘I never get any presents back from brother SIL ‘ - so WHY buy gifts for them??? You are asking to be treated badly. Don’t be such a mug and stop asking to be treated like 💩. I actually sympathise with you tbh. I used to do something similar some years ago until I saw sense. 🌺

CWigtownshire · 12/11/2023 21:49

Converseandjeans - you are setting such a good example getting your children to write thank you notes. I always had to and my 2 boys had to. I find it so bad mannered not to thank someone for a gift - whether they like the gift or not! I have given engagement and birthday and Christmas presents and not had a thank you, so rude. And no, I don't think it's up to the parents to say thank you for kids presents, the kids should be brought up with good manners to say thank you themselves from a young age. Makes me sound like a moaning old git, but I'm not really 😀

Original poster

fudgelover1 · 12/11/2023 21:49

EvenBetta · 12/11/2023 20:57

‘My sister and BIL seem completely oblivious to how bad mannered the kids are, even they tell me not to get them any presents or invite them into my home.’

So why do you insist on bringing them in to your home and buying gifts?

Sorry meant to say my parents advise me not to but them presents and invite them into my home.

OP posts:

Original poster

fudgelover1 · 12/11/2023 21:59

Green321 · 12/11/2023 21:10

YANBU at all. They’ve been rude, but probably not the kids fault…

May be worth just thinking about your relationship with them….? Do you want a good relationship with them? What’s going on wrong?

Good question, I have tried to make the effort over the years but have now given up.

Generally I find the kids are very un pleasant and the 13 year old is especially bitchy.

I find it quite difficult to have a conversation with her.

She makes fun out of my other nieces and has a bad attitude with my parents as a result of my BIL bitching about my parents in her presence.

We all do believe it is a result of bad parenting as nobody else's kids are like that in the family.

I dont think I will be bothering anymore as its too draining.

OP posts:

Damnedidont · 12/11/2023 22:01

You don't have to treat everyone the same! Please don't punish your polite niece. Don't buy for the ones who are rude and ungrateful. If they query it just calmly say that as they never say thanks or reciprocate you have taken the hint and have stopped embarrassing them with gifts they don't want.

Orangeslush · 12/11/2023 22:05

Yanbu I can sympathise. My SIL is a total narcissist, just like my bro. Everything is about them and her kids are entitled brats who never say thank you. I still buy for them reluctantly but wish I could lose that sense of obligation.

TerrysNeapolitan · 12/11/2023 22:12

YANBU AT ALL!

LavendersBlueeee · 12/11/2023 22:20

Similar for us - BIL has 6 kids and we get them birthday and Christmas gifts every year which goes into the hundreds of pounds. I don’t even know if they get any enjoyment from the gifts as they never mention them after they’ve received them. We just have to guess what they like as we are never given any ideas.
We on the other hand have 1 DC who is younger than theirs and it’s very hit and Miss whether they buy anything for our kid. Sometimes yes at £50, sometimes nothing, sometimes something cheap or shit or that we’ve already got because they never bother to ask.
Dont know that our nieces and nephews should suffer because their parents aren’t great at buying for ours but we honestly paying so much for gifts for their kids and we don’t even know if they appreciate them.

Iloveanicegarden · 12/11/2023 22:45

For years I sought out interesting items for presents, wrapped them imaginatively, Spent quite a lot in total and barely any thanks from any of the 5 children. When they'd got too old for presents I gave money - wrapped up as little gifts on 'money trees' etc

We were thinking of dividing our estate between the 5 of them but since we seem to have dropped off the face of the earth (except at Christmas and birthdays) One younger relative even went as far as saing she 'forgot we were here' (5mins away by car) We are now inclined to leave our estate to charity!

Mumblebeeee · 12/11/2023 23:12

Please please please do one of those charity gifts ‘in their name’. Tell them the charity sent a big thank you message which was nice for a change

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 12/11/2023 23:12

Iloveanicegarden · 12/11/2023 22:45

For years I sought out interesting items for presents, wrapped them imaginatively, Spent quite a lot in total and barely any thanks from any of the 5 children. When they'd got too old for presents I gave money - wrapped up as little gifts on 'money trees' etc

We were thinking of dividing our estate between the 5 of them but since we seem to have dropped off the face of the earth (except at Christmas and birthdays) One younger relative even went as far as saing she 'forgot we were here' (5mins away by car) We are now inclined to leave our estate to charity!

Even worse when it's your own kids....

StarDolphins · 12/11/2023 23:15

vincettenoir · 10/11/2023 21:37

They are small kids who can’t emotionally regulate yet. I think YABU to be so precious about last year. But I guess it’s your money and it’s up to you.

8 & 13 small kids?! What would they have been at 4 & 9, babies?

justanothermummma · 12/11/2023 23:36

It's not their fault their parents haven't modelled gratitude. Maybe just get them one thing each?

The teenager is perfectly able to say thank you though. Do you see them often?

Maybe organise a family day out with the whole family?

Celestine70 · 12/11/2023 23:52

I would get them nothing! And I wouldn't feel bad about it. If they actually have the gall to say anything, just tell them that every year they don't seem to care about your presents so you assumed they didn't want them.

Ceci03 · 13/11/2023 00:04

I'm not buying my niece and nephews of one sister anything this year. Made an effort for
Their birthdays and sent coffee shop
Vouchers and cards. After about 3 weeks I txt my sis asking did they get the cards etc she said she wasn't sure!!!! None of the kids sent a txt or even acknowledged receipt so I'm giving up. I'm the person who ends up hurt. They obviously don't give 2 f*s and don't appreciate it. Probably they get too much. I hate people not saying thank you. Real bug bear. They are 15 so well able to send a quick txt

Ceci03 · 13/11/2023 00:05

Definitely don't pander to them with a box of chocolates or a family present. They don't care!!!!! It's nothing to them.

LaurieStrode · 13/11/2023 00:15

Iloveanicegarden · 12/11/2023 22:45

For years I sought out interesting items for presents, wrapped them imaginatively, Spent quite a lot in total and barely any thanks from any of the 5 children. When they'd got too old for presents I gave money - wrapped up as little gifts on 'money trees' etc

We were thinking of dividing our estate between the 5 of them but since we seem to have dropped off the face of the earth (except at Christmas and birthdays) One younger relative even went as far as saing she 'forgot we were here' (5mins away by car) We are now inclined to leave our estate to charity!

Same here. My estate is now bequeathed to elephant rescue in India and Africa.

Unless i die really old (unlikely) it would have been a life changing amount for four now-adult ingrates. Oh well.

Ktime · 13/11/2023 00:19

LavendersBlueeee · 12/11/2023 22:20

Similar for us - BIL has 6 kids and we get them birthday and Christmas gifts every year which goes into the hundreds of pounds. I don’t even know if they get any enjoyment from the gifts as they never mention them after they’ve received them. We just have to guess what they like as we are never given any ideas.
We on the other hand have 1 DC who is younger than theirs and it’s very hit and Miss whether they buy anything for our kid. Sometimes yes at £50, sometimes nothing, sometimes something cheap or shit or that we’ve already got because they never bother to ask.
Dont know that our nieces and nephews should suffer because their parents aren’t great at buying for ours but we honestly paying so much for gifts for their kids and we don’t even know if they appreciate them.

Honestly, just stop. The kids will get gifts from their parents, it’s not your job to bedeck them with gifts.

Save the money for your own poor child who they give shit gifts to!

Talkinrubbishagain · 13/11/2023 07:40

I stopped buying presents for my grandnephews. We didn’t have much money and many people to buy .
Their parents never acknowledged them. An email or fb message takes no time.
I always get my own children to write a short thankyou card.

HarrietsweetHarriet · 13/11/2023 07:54

I stopped buying gifts for neices, nephews, great-neices and great-nephews as I never received a thank you. There are so many of them- 15 now- I simply can't afford to do it any more and the lack of acknowledgement had been grating for some time. The crux came when I bought a beautiful hand made hare - think long legs and ears stitched in linen with a beautiful hand made dress and slippers , for great-neice. I asked for some feedback as I thought she'd adore it ...response from mum was 'um, oh,...yeah...well she didn't know what it was, she only likes Peppa Pig'. I gave up after that. Also gave up regular gifting of my homemade preserves, chocs and bakes for same reason. Never got a thank you or a comment that it was delicious. Presumed they didn't like them so I stopped.

Luxell934 · 13/11/2023 08:48

HarrietsweetHarriet · 13/11/2023 07:54

I stopped buying gifts for neices, nephews, great-neices and great-nephews as I never received a thank you. There are so many of them- 15 now- I simply can't afford to do it any more and the lack of acknowledgement had been grating for some time. The crux came when I bought a beautiful hand made hare - think long legs and ears stitched in linen with a beautiful hand made dress and slippers , for great-neice. I asked for some feedback as I thought she'd adore it ...response from mum was 'um, oh,...yeah...well she didn't know what it was, she only likes Peppa Pig'. I gave up after that. Also gave up regular gifting of my homemade preserves, chocs and bakes for same reason. Never got a thank you or a comment that it was delicious. Presumed they didn't like them so I stopped.

Would her lying to you have been more preferable? Would that have made you feel good even if it was a lie? “Oh she absolutely loved it, takes it everywhere with her!!” When the reality is she wasn’t fussed as she is only interested in Peppa Pig right now.

I get the saying thank you part is important, of course it’s just good manners. But some adults on here seem to have a very childish attitude. Oh they didn’t say thank you? so they will be cut of the will at once! And some adults seem very hurt some people don’t actually like these amazing thoughtful, handmade gifts they have put a lot of time, thought and effort into and seem to take it very personally.

If you give someone a gift, there’s a chance they might not be as enthusiastic as you are about it, the only polite thing to do is gush over it and say thank you so much! My own aunt used to buy me China dolls…they were creepy as fuck and I was too old for them, but because I said I loved them and sent a hand written card each year she kept buying me them.

Sugarfree23 · 13/11/2023 09:09

Op things I'd do.
Cut back on the mum and dad, no expensive gifts for them a token to open - chocolates, biscuits, wine.

The kids. Are the birthdays gifts actually presented as birthdays, ie birthday paper etc? If they aren't then you haven't really given them birthday gifts so I wouldn't start now.
If they are then change of tact, money in a card for birthday.

Christmas cut it back to one gift at a set budget.

My LO has a Christmas birthday too and I sometimes feel he puts ideas down because we are asking him for ideas, and he's going through the Smyth catalogue, not because it's stuff he really wants. 7 lots of people buy for him so there's 14 things before you look at stocking fillers or little extras.
Money for birthday works well so I can take him to shops in summer and choose something

Original poster

fudgelover1 · 13/11/2023 11:06

Sugarfree23 · 13/11/2023 09:09

Op things I'd do.
Cut back on the mum and dad, no expensive gifts for them a token to open - chocolates, biscuits, wine.

The kids. Are the birthdays gifts actually presented as birthdays, ie birthday paper etc? If they aren't then you haven't really given them birthday gifts so I wouldn't start now.
If they are then change of tact, money in a card for birthday.

Christmas cut it back to one gift at a set budget.

My LO has a Christmas birthday too and I sometimes feel he puts ideas down because we are asking him for ideas, and he's going through the Smyth catalogue, not because it's stuff he really wants. 7 lots of people buy for him so there's 14 things before you look at stocking fillers or little extras.
Money for birthday works well so I can take him to shops in summer and choose something

@Sugarfree23

I have decided I wont be bothering with buying them any kind of presents this year.

Im just going to send a WhatsApp message to say that I am not doing presents this year.

I would rather donate some money to a cat rescue charity local to me.

OP posts:

Barney60 · 13/11/2023 11:35

I would expect 8 and 13 year olds to say thank you for a gift.

This.