To not get niece & nephew Christmas presents this year?

[fudgelover1]

I always buy my niece and nephew Christmas presents, and I usually buy like 3/4 parents as their birthdays are in December so it's a joint present.

However last year they never said thank you and the parents didn't say anything either.

I never get any presents back of my sister and BIL.

This year I don't feel like buying my niece and nephew anything for Christmas just because I dont find them appreciative or grateful.

My nephew was chucking the toys on the floor that I brought him last year.

They are 8 and 13.

Am I being unreasonable to not buy them anything this year?

Do you have a good relationship with your nieces and nephews? Or is a see them once a year on Christmas type of thing? It doesn’t seem like your that bothered about your relationship with them?

I can understand the not saying thank you is rude. At 8 and 13 they should be saying thank you, but they are your nieces and nephews and if you can afford to then I would give them a Christmas gift, even just nice chocolates. Anything less is strange especially when you’re seeing them on Christmas Day and plan to buy other nieces/nephews gifts. It’s something they are likely to remember and it will could cause arguments.

YANBU, and I’m astonished at the number of people who seem to think it’s acceptable for kids not to say thank you. I make my eight year old send thank you cards (or video messages in some cases) to everyone who has sent her a present, because it’s basic manners.

Buy them one nice gift and accompany it with a card and stamped envelope. Suggest that they can now have no excuses for not writing you a thank you note.

A few years ago we announced that we were no longer giving to people who didn't say thank you. I had sent money to one nephew for years to buy for his DC or had sent vouchers. They live a long way away so we rarely see them and didn't know what the children would like. Never any thanks, not even a card or acknowledgement. He and his wife have not been in touch since, likely to be sulking that the annual £100 has dried up. Another family member suspects they spent the money on themselves, not the children.

DH sends vouchers to some small relatives on his side. We always get a handwritten note telling us what they bought. Last year their mum sent a lovely video where they told us about their trip to town to choose things.

LaurieStrode
Ah I might have read you wrong, I read your ‘why bother?’ And took it to mean for gift giving! No insult intended! Have a good Saturday :)

Another couple of thoughts...

What is wrong with parents who a) don't teach their children to say thank you in some way and b) don't pull them up on it if they forget?

How on earth do they think children learn about the need to say thank you? Unless parents model it, explain the importance of it and then insist on it, how will their offspring every learn? If your kids aren't saying thank you, you need to get on the case quickly.

Reading this and another current thread, I'm smiling cynically at the way ungrateful, badly brought up young adults seem a dab hand at writing and sending their 'wish lists' for expensive presents but somehow a text or email of thanks is too much trouble??? Yeah, right.

Don't let's create monsters! OP - hold out and do these children a favour by teaching them a lesson their parents have obviously ducked out of.

My sister has no kids and buys for mine for birthdays and Christmas. For her birthday and Christmas she gets loads from us to repay her kindness over the year and I don't begrudge spending a lot on 2 occasions when she does it numerous occasions for my family. I've told her to stop buying but she enjoys giving to them so that's how I repay her. My kids also say thank you, sometimes needing reminding but they do say thanks and hug.

Stop buying for them, give a heads up,be prepared for sulks but you won't be sitting annoyed on the day when another year goes by unappreciated. Your parents telling you to stop is a validation that you are not being unreasonable.

Remove the whole mental load you've got going on here.

£10 each in a card, and a selection box each. Job done.

Selection box, max, no cash. Yours get nothing, so I’d be tempted to reciprocate! I stopped sending cash to my niece and nephew, never got an acknowledgment from parents or kids. My best friend’s kids get cash for birthdays and I always get a message from them, which I think is just polite, frankly.

They weren't given in person but left with a relative who they would be spending Christmas with.

It's just not the children that don't say thank you.

I brought my sister and her husband some perfume and aftershave and never got a thank you.

I don't have a close relationship with these set of children, the 13 year old will barely talk and is very hard to start a conversation with her.

My other sister is very grateful and her child will always say thank you and they will get me presents.

I dont want it to be awkward as we all be together on Xmas Day and it will look bad one set of kids getting something and the others nothing.
I think a selection box is a good idea.

I agree with PP saying manners cost nothing and at 13 you would my niece would at least say thank you.

It's up to you if you want to buy for them. Personally, I buy gifts for the joy of giving and don't expect anything in return.

You're missing the OPs point.

There's no joy in giving to someone who clearly isn't bothered about receiving , to the extent where they make the giver feel bad.

They were given in person. OP has made this clear several times

Exactly, @howdoesyourgardengrowinmay

So tired of this misguided notion about the basic social graces. Expecting the recipient to show a modicum of appreciation is not "transactional." FFS.

There are three reasons why I wouldn't give these kids Christmas or birthday gifts - not even token gifts, either - anymore:

1. They, and their parents, clearly don't appreciate the gifts
2. The "did you get me anything else?" comment from your nephew was such a rude comment, and shows that he is entitled. I'm not sure if the parents pulled their kid up on this comment, but if they didn't, they are rude and entitled, also. Entitlement = no gifts, in my book
3. The lack of reciprocation

It's true that you don't give to receive, but you also don't give to be ignored, to be taken advantage of, to be disrespected, and to never be thought of or appreciated by those you give to. There's no inherent joy in spending one's hard-earned money on gifts, the enjoyment of doing so comes from the reaction of those you give to. If they do not display a positive reaction, then gift-giving is not enjoyable. Kids, or not.

13? 🙄

Why wouldn't the kids say thank you at 7/12???

@00100001 - because their crap parents haven't taught them any manners, I'd assume.

I'm shocked they don't say thank you as they are handed the wrapped presents tbh! Let alone after they have seen whats inside.

My kids (9 and 12) say thank you when their grandma hands them a slice of cake FFS. Or when ive cooked a meal they particularly enjoyed I get a hug and a thank you!

My nephew doesn't say thank you and it really irks me. When he was a toddler SIL would make a big palava of sending hand made thank you cards. Now he's 10 and we don't get an inperson thank you or a text.

Your post implied that the kids shouldn't have to say thank you?

Kids should say thank you. Kids should be taught to say thank you by their parents.

If kids aren’t saying thank you and parents aren’t pulling them up on it, that’s crappy parenting. We don’t know this stuff without it being modelled to us.

By the time they’re 10 I would expect they’d have picked up manners from school and society at large, but under that, I’d think it was a fault of parents rather than the children.

Personally, I went for thank you cards because I know it makes people feel appreciated. I overheard my auntie saying my DB’s family never sent them, so I made sure when I had children I didn’t neglect that.

@00100001 - I had misread the ages as 7 and 3.

A teenager lacking manners definitely doesn’t merit gifts.

I can read thank you. I was responding to someone who quoted me explaining why I stopped giving presents in a similar situation.

Personally I quite like to know that people appreciate gifts I've brought them. Otherwise, why bother?