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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get niece & nephew Christmas presents this year?

210 replies

fudgelover1 · 10/11/2023 21:30

I always buy my niece and nephew Christmas presents, and I usually buy like 3/4 parents as their birthdays are in December so it's a joint present.

However last year they never said thank you and the parents didn't say anything either.

I never get any presents back of my sister and BIL.

This year I don't feel like buying my niece and nephew anything for Christmas just because I dont find them appreciative or grateful.

My nephew was chucking the toys on the floor that I brought him last year.

They are 8 and 13.

Am I being unreasonable to not buy them anything this year?

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 13/11/2023 12:22

vincettenoir · 10/11/2023 21:37

They are small kids who can’t emotionally regulate yet. I think YABU to be so precious about last year. But I guess it’s your money and it’s up to you.

They are 8 & 13. So are old evolution not to be rude.

Doingmybesteveryday · 14/11/2023 07:56

Absolutely. 13 and 8! I’ve been sending thank you cards after every Christmas and birthday since a very young age. I still do it now and cringe if I haven’t thanked someone or sent it late! No excuses for bad manners. Your sister and BIL should be insisting they do, not allowing her to request expensive perfume. I’d be so embarrassed. Don’t send them anything. Cheeky little brats!

Original poster
fudgelover1 · 14/11/2023 09:38

Doingmybesteveryday · 14/11/2023 07:56

Absolutely. 13 and 8! I’ve been sending thank you cards after every Christmas and birthday since a very young age. I still do it now and cringe if I haven’t thanked someone or sent it late! No excuses for bad manners. Your sister and BIL should be insisting they do, not allowing her to request expensive perfume. I’d be so embarrassed. Don’t send them anything. Cheeky little brats!

Yes I absolutely agree with you.

I have decided im not going to buy them Christmas/birthday presents again.

I dont even get a box of chocolates/ card of my sister or BIL at Christmas.

On my birthday I got a £2 mug, this was after spending £100 - £150 between the four of them at Christmas.

It wouldnt be so bad if I got a thank you but they dont and manners dont cost anything.

I would just rather donate the money to a cat charity and would make me feel a lot better.

OP posts:
LizzBurg · 18/11/2023 11:35

If them showing you gratitude is your motivation for getting their gifts then maybe you’re right to stop.

daliesque · 18/11/2023 11:59

MyCircumference · 11/11/2023 08:11

i would change it to a family present, a cinema voucher or something

Personally I wouldn't bother at all. They aren't grateful, they give nothing back and even your parents are telling you to stop giving. So stop.

LaurieStrode · 18/11/2023 16:39

LizzBurg · 18/11/2023 11:35

If them showing you gratitude is your motivation for getting their gifts then maybe you’re right to stop.

That's how gift exchanges work among civilized people.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 18/11/2023 17:45

LizzBurg · 18/11/2023 11:35

If them showing you gratitude is your motivation for getting their gifts then maybe you’re right to stop.

You get someone something or do something for them, you get a thank you which tells you they're grateful. You continue doing so as you know they appreciate it.

You don't get a thank you, they throw said presents on the floor, tells you they don't appreciate it, which means you stop doing so, simple!

Same as if it were a partner, colleague, friend.
If not even the parents can acknowledge OP's efforts, it means it's meaningless to them. So why force it on them when they've made it loud and clear it's not appreciated.

Enabling rudeness and being spoilt isn't a good thing either.

LizzBurg · 18/11/2023 23:06

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 18/11/2023 17:45

You get someone something or do something for them, you get a thank you which tells you they're grateful. You continue doing so as you know they appreciate it.

You don't get a thank you, they throw said presents on the floor, tells you they don't appreciate it, which means you stop doing so, simple!

Same as if it were a partner, colleague, friend.
If not even the parents can acknowledge OP's efforts, it means it's meaningless to them. So why force it on them when they've made it loud and clear it's not appreciated.

Enabling rudeness and being spoilt isn't a good thing either.

Show quote history

Personally if I saw my niece or nephew throwing a gift that I had just given them on the floor as the giver of the gift and also their aunt I’d be having a word with them. It’s hardly the child’s fault if their parents or other family members aren’t teaching them how to behave appropriately.

LaurieStrode · 19/11/2023 00:31

Agree, @LizzBurg

One really wonders what sort of deficient parenting such children have had.

Catopia · 20/11/2023 20:22

fudgelover1 · 11/11/2023 13:26

It's just not the children that don't say thank you.

I brought my sister and her husband some perfume and aftershave and never got a thank you.

I don't have a close relationship with these set of children, the 13 year old will barely talk and is very hard to start a conversation with her.

My other sister is very grateful and her child will always say thank you and they will get me presents.

I dont want it to be awkward as we all be together on Xmas Day and it will look bad one set of kids getting something and the others nothing.
I think a selection box is a good idea.

I agree with PP saying manners cost nothing and at 13 you would my niece would at least say thank you.

Is there any way you can arrange to see just that sister and daughter e.g. on xmas eve and give them the present 1:1 to make it less awkward?

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