To not get niece & nephew Christmas presents this year?

[fudgelover1]

I always buy my niece and nephew Christmas presents, and I usually buy like 3/4 parents as their birthdays are in December so it's a joint present.

However last year they never said thank you and the parents didn't say anything either.

I never get any presents back of my sister and BIL.

This year I don't feel like buying my niece and nephew anything for Christmas just because I dont find them appreciative or grateful.

My nephew was chucking the toys on the floor that I brought him last year.

They are 8 and 13.

Am I being unreasonable to not buy them anything this year?

December birthday here. I absolutely hated, just hated, joint presents!

I also bought nephews and nieces presents throughout. Even when sis was asking for receipt to return them! Ffs. Felt that her issues weren't the children's and I just needed to be consistent. We are now I late teens so probably resort to money in cards :-)

Err, they are 8and 13?

Designer perfume is too much. Me and my family stick to a budget. No more than £15 each person. Kids get loads of 'stuff', they don't always need grand gestures. We always manage to get something nice for each other. If anyone wants money instead of a gift, that's the amount they get. We stop buying at 18 & only buy for adults big birthdays, not at xmas. Xmas is a retail business's dream, and totally unecessary to get caught up in the commercialism. Add that to the cost of things these days, there's too much pressure on people. Plus, if you get no thanks, don't spend what you can't afford.

I've known kids aged 8 to open a present from their grandma and ask "is that all".

I've also known similar aged kids to say thank you for any teeny thing they get.

It's all down to manners. Writing thank you notes/texts and just being polite is never going to be 'out of fashion' as a previous poster put it.
Manners show people's true characters.

I've always bought for family and friends kids until I had twelve kids to buy for.
Twelve mostly spoilt kids who hardly ever said thank you.

I wrote on here asking for advice as I felt bad having thoughts of stopping, but took on the advice and haven't looked back since.

Made an exception for a big birthday this year for DB and spent hundreds as he'd spent a lot on one of my big birthdays.
Not a thank you in sight.
Quite taken aback by it.
Had spent years of big presents for birthdays and Christmas but when people don't appreciate things, why would you keep buying for them.

I've got similar aged kids and say YANBU. They won't really notice. They don't say thank you because they aren't grateful. Please don't feel guilty. Don't make a big deal. Don't buy anything. If your neice is old enough for perfume she's old enough to say thank you.

If anyone dares say anything just say you didn't think they were very bothered as they never thanked you for gifts. Assuming you are financially comfortable don't say you're cutting back.

In the future treat them in the moment. Buy your nephew an ice cream or bung your neice a tenner. They will be way more grateful rather than at Christmas when they get too much.

In fact that's what you could say. You've decided to spend money on them at other times rather than Christmas when they have too much and so aren't grateful.

You're right that that’s not on, OP. I’d continue to give but maybe a smaller amount of cash in a card. Not much point in putting loads of thought in by the sounds of it. Call me old-fashioned, but my kids will hand write a short thank you note for birthday and Christmas gifts as soon as they can. And it goes without saying that a thank you should be in person when a gift is given or, if not present and not sending a card due to costs or whatever, said in just a few seconds on the phone. I wrote cards from when my daughter was born, during that crazy newborn period. We recently gave a couple (and not a close one) a lot of cash for their wedding and didn’t get a card or even a thank you. I know there’s the argument of the environment but they’re recyclable. I guess your nieces and nephews will grow up to be like this.

I'd buy the same gift for everyone to give out in public and individual nice gifts for the people who appreciate them and say thank you (the latter to be given out ahead of time, privately).

Good idea. Or get one gift per family (selection box, whatever) and then post additional gifts to the decent ones, for them to receive and open for New Year's Eve, or some other new tradition. "Oh, auntie's New Year's Eve parcel is here!" would have impact and not get lost in the shuffle on Christmas Day.

Ignorance is a horrible trait; your not being unreasonable at allwjith the cost of living on top of them being ungrateful I’d say did it don’t bother if Brother & sil say anything I’d tell them why a tha nk you goes a bloody long way.

Since when was 8 and 13 small children ? They are old enough to say thank you and treat things with respect. OP buy them an Oxfam gift or make a donation to the local toy bank on their behalf.

Young nieces and nephews now only receive a selection box each, I was spending silly money I couldn't afford onnthings they didn't really need or want 🌲

I always used to make an effort with my neices and nephew spending quite a bit ans putting thought into gifts. However when my daughter was born she was the 5th grandchild on her first Christmas my SIL said ' we don't usually get presents for the neices and nephews now, but seeing as it's her first Christmas we'll get her a gift'.I was livid I felt like telling her to stuff it and she didn't have a problem accepting any of our gifts.

Do you even like your niece and nephew? Do you spend time with them - just you and them? Do you even like your sister? Will you like them more or less in 5 years? If you honestly don't get any value out of spending time with them, then just drift apart. But generally presents are given out of liking another person - not what gratitude you get. Always, always, it's what you get out of spending time with someone. And if you're not getting any joy out of spending time with them - then just ignore them. But it's your decision to walk away from family members. Otherwise just buy them a bar of chocolate and/or promise to take them to the park/ macdonalds/ shopping/ a theme park/ ice-skating/ petting zoo. But don't act like a Diva, that wasn't thanked enough or at all. You need to be a positive influence or no influence at all.

Children who are more than old enough to say thank you when given something...

Even if the little one needed reminding, they should have both thanked their aunty.

Do your kids not say thank you for stuff? Or do you let them not bother because they "still just children"?

Cinema gift card for the whole family. Surely the parents will say thank you and it won't be so annoying when the DC don't acknowledge their individual gifts.

I wouldnt say I dont like my niece and nephew I just find then terribly bad mannered.

Even when they have visited me they will show me no respect, steal things from my home, go in all the cupboards and terrorise my pets.

My nephew in particular is quite aggressive and loves breaking things.

I try and make conversation with the 13 year and and she just looks at me blankly and it is "yes" or "no" answers.

My sister and BIL seem completely oblivious to how bad mannered the kids are, even they tell me not to get them any presents or invite them into my home.

Yes 100%.
I was thinking of doing this.

Very good idea.

By selection box do you mean the £2 Cadburys ones or do you mean Roses/ Quality Street/ Heroes?

For dp's great nephew and niece we gave them gifts as babies/toddlers, gifts with age appropriate money as young children, then money,from 50- going up to 100 as teens- late teens 100 every year-not one thankyou for the past 23 years, from them, or their parents, not even a card for birthday/ Christmas for dp (never mind me) - now the youngest is 18 we are stopping all together- expect it to down like a lead balloon.

You definitely don't save to buy them anything if you find they're ungrateful.

*their birthdays are in December so it's a joint present
*
Why would you do a joint present for December birthdays? As a person with a December birthday and a mother of a child with a December birthday, this is a copout.

<misses point>

YANBU but just to say that all the pp saying the parents should thank you obviously the 13 year old should for a requested lovely present, but so should the 8 year old. I get handwritten thank you notes from all my nieces and nephews, and now some greats of each. Usually written themselves obviously guided by parents from the age of 5, no exaggeration. It's lovely seeing how their writing changes as they grow. When they've each reached 10 years old it's a £10 in a card, but col means I now just do birthdays, not Christmas, explained to the parents, no probs, no guilt.
My children were taught by me to write thank you letters, as I was by my mum

Or even a text, email, WhatsApp, quick call, whatever, to say thank you. Doesn't have to be a handwritten letter, notecard, obvs!

‘My sister and BIL seem completely oblivious to how bad mannered the kids are, even they tell me not to get them any presents or invite them into my home.’

So why do you insist on bringing them in to your home and buying gifts?

My DC are 2 and 5

If they get a gift in person I always make sure they say thank you when they receive the gift and again once it’s opened (normally with a hug or high five). 5 year old sometimes forgets to say thank you but all I have to say is “have you forgotten something” with either of them and they magically remember. If we don’t see the person when they open it it’s probably because we don’t see them very often. My eldest has problems writing so I always make sure he knows who got him what and I send them a message. If they get money I take a picture of them with what they’ve got to say thank you

sometimes he’s asked my sister if there’s anything else, because normally she’ll get them a few smaller gifts and put them in a gift bag so he doesn’t know when it ends 😂 But she’s actually really good at getting them things and always seems to know what they want

i find it really sad that they don’t buy anything for you. My sister buys for me and the kids for my birthday (not DH because she forgets his birthday every year 😂) and we don’t tend to see her around his birthday. I also tell her not to buy for my birthday or either of us for Christmas. She has no kids and buys for all of us. We’ve managed to whittle it down so she gets us a joint bottle of something for Christmas and we buy her something for both of them to share and something each off the kids while she buys for all of us. It’s not expected in the slightest though and I don’t think she realises the extras we put in (but always thanks us)

i feel your pain over the lack of thanks. My niece and nephew are 5&8 and don’t say thank you at all for gifts (regardless to if we’ve given them in person or not). I don’t know if it’s because my kids always say thank you (or I say thank you on their behalf) I feel like they should know to say thank you or parents should remind them. I could honestly forget to send something and I don’t think they’d notice 😂

I didn't make the selection box suggestion but definitely think that it should be completely aligned for everyone. Ie one box of the same brand/type for each family, plus a large 'sharer' bag of M&Ms or something per person under the age of 18. That way you will have given them something individually as well as part of a group gift.

When the polite niece thanks you, make a point of accepting her thanks graciously (ie "thank you lovely, I hope you like them" or similar). Just enough of a response that the lack of thanks from the others is highlighted....

YANBU at all. They’ve been rude, but probably not the kids fault…

May be worth just thinking about your relationship with them….? Do you want a good relationship with them? What’s going on wrong?