Husband has invited random people to stay at our house over Christmas

[Theresa88]

My husband and I live with our toddler, I am English but husband is from a community oriented culture where it’s common for many relatives to stay together in one house.

our families both live in a city quite far away, we have invited them plus his family friend (single 33F) to come to us for Christmas and stay at our house. It’s going to be quite crowded as we only have a small 3 bedroom house but that’s ok, I’m happy to have family stay.

however his family friend has now asked if she can bring her sister and cousin (both of whom I’ve never met) to stay as well for Christmas, and my husband said yes without asking me. I’m not happy about adding people I’ve never met to an already crowded house over Christmas. I told the family friend this and she said her cousin has already booked flights to our city. AIBU to expect them to stay in an Airbnb rather than with us? Obviously husband shouldn’t have told them it was ok without checking with me but also they shouldn’t be asking if they can bring extra people to stay over Christmas for an indefinite period of time (I think they’re intending to stay for new years as well).

YANBU. They get an AirBNB. Doesn't matter if they've booked flights - they are being massive cheeky fuckers.

And tell your DH - in future he doesn't invite guests who are staying overnight unless you have also agreed to it. You have a DH problem here,

Where do they think they'll be sleeping?

I suppose if they're from this same culture where this is normal then they wouldn't think it was odd to ask to stay?

Does your husband often make decisions without consulting you?

They think they’ll be sleeping on a mattress on the lounge room floor I guess- I don’t even know if we have enough mattresses or pillows.

There is no way you should have guests sleeping in the living room over Christmas. You do not have the space. Family friend can stay in the bnb with her added guests,

It’s difficult to rescind an invitation for Christmas and staying after they have bought (potentially expensive) international flights on the basis of the agreement. Your husband shouldn’t have said yes, obviously, but these people would be out of pocket through no fault of their own which seems very unfair.

It’s domestic flights not international, so not that expensive. I see your point though!

If it is culturally normal for your husband to share his home with family, then I think you need to be sensitive to the implications of turning people away. Likewise, he should have been sensitive to YOUR cultural norms and considered how additional people over Christmas might be stressful, whether you wanted to be hosting so many for so long etc.

Sounds like absolute hell, she's quite rude to not say she will make alternative plans for accommodation as well.
What is wrong with your husband, he knows there's no space right?

Would it happen to be a culture where the men don't do any hosting btw? He gets to be gracious and invite everyone but leaves the drudge work to you?

Thanks everyone I can see this is a cultural issue which can become quite awkward and I am seen as rude. This is in the broader context of 12 years of relationship and 7 years of marriage where I have bent over backwards to be sensitive to his culture, including having about half of the guests at our wedding being people I had never met before.
It’s also my first Christmas without my mother who died a few months ago so I guess I’m not feeling in a very festive mood to be celebrating and hosting a lot of people.

Trying to get my head around this one. 3-bedroomed house. Bedroom 1: You, husband and child. Bedroom 2: Your Parent(s). Bedroom 3: His parent(s). Single friend sleeps on the sofa. Are the 2 extra guests going to sleep on the downstairs floor? Being English, we need to be organised and tidy. If you're going to cater for 10 people, you need to know when they're arriving and when they're leaving. You also need to know what roles you're handing out. What do the floor guests do with their bedding and luggage? Who gets the bathroom when? Who cooks and cleans when? Who helps you looking after your child when? Work out a daily schedule and roles and expectations. You cannot do everything for 10 people in a 3-bedroom house with a child. Even if you avoid the extra guests, who is in charge of breakfast? who for lunch? who for dinner? who for childcare? Who is shopping? Who for going out for walks and taking your child? But find out when they're leaving, it won't save you going insane, but it will make the first 24 hours passable.

How many bathrooms do you have? That would be a no brainer for me on that score alone.

I would take the child and go and stay in a nice hotel. Your DH can sleep on the floor in the lounge and host.

You're expected to be sensitive to his culture but can't be sensitive about not wanting a non-consulted party house with people you've never met after a recent close bereavement??? Culture does not trump basic manners to or consideration for you, no, no, most certainly not! Let him chose....he sorts this out and apologizes all round or I would be taking DC and going somewhere lovely and peaceful so you can get away from it all and he can celebrate with his, HIS guests. Really shitty behaviour. I'm very sorry for your loss, OP.

I meant but HE can't be sensitive about you not wanting randoms etc. Angry typing fingers!

No fucking way.

How many toilets and showers do you have?

I'd be canceling the whole thing. Everyone. Have Christmas at home & if everyone wants to meet up for a few days between Dec 26 & 30, great. Not at your home but at a hotel or a couple of B&Bs.

It's only Nov 8. Put your foot down.

Or this, yes.

I would be bloody fuming over this. That's a ridiculous number of people/meals/luggage/cost/mess.
I reckon I'd be asking around friends or workmates for a positive covid teststick, showing it to your husband, and sending it to all the invitees (and self-invitees) the day before the first person is due. Then I'd be buggering off to a hotel to leave them to.

Thank you for your condolences. It’s been a tough time and I would prefer to just ignore Christmas this year but it doesn’t look like that’s possible…

I would take the bull by the horns and contact your family friend. Explain your dh should not have said yes. This is a highly sensitive time for you and your dad with your mum passing recently. Then I’d be ripping your dh another arsehole. Cultural expectations. Just no. This should be the watershed moment to stop pandering to him. Tbh I think I’d be wanting to cancel single friend’s invitation as well if she can be so inconsiderate. Sorry for your loss.

One toilet, one shower - in the same bathroom 😂

Thank you. I’ve actually contacted family friend to tell her she can’t bring her cousin to stay. She said they will look for an Airbnb but I don’t think she’s happy about it.

Usually I would just say they can all stay to be nice and keep the peace but I think you’re right about it being a watershed moment. Thanks.

Good. I’m glad you’ve already done that. Tough if she isn’t happy. She should not have just taken your dh’s word without him checking with you as she must know this is your first Christmas without your mum.

They all live in the UK? Then they understand there is more than one way of doing things!

Thought shit if she’s not happy then they don’t need to come to YOUR home. I’d HATE to have non family there for Christmas. Put your needs first here OP! You don’t get many Christmas days with your young child.