Husband has invited random people to stay at our house over Christmas

[Theresa88]

My husband and I live with our toddler, I am English but husband is from a community oriented culture where it’s common for many relatives to stay together in one house.

our families both live in a city quite far away, we have invited them plus his family friend (single 33F) to come to us for Christmas and stay at our house. It’s going to be quite crowded as we only have a small 3 bedroom house but that’s ok, I’m happy to have family stay.

however his family friend has now asked if she can bring her sister and cousin (both of whom I’ve never met) to stay as well for Christmas, and my husband said yes without asking me. I’m not happy about adding people I’ve never met to an already crowded house over Christmas. I told the family friend this and she said her cousin has already booked flights to our city. AIBU to expect them to stay in an Airbnb rather than with us? Obviously husband shouldn’t have told them it was ok without checking with me but also they shouldn’t be asking if they can bring extra people to stay over Christmas for an indefinite period of time (I think they’re intending to stay for new years as well).

I am Asian and so is my Dh, which means we are expected to host just about everybody. However, we also live in London and have very little room. so I have put my foot down in regard to random people. I will host family and very close friends- the kind who will sleep on the sofa for a night- but no one else. Even my own sister stayed in an AirBNB when she visited, because my DD was having exams and she didn't want to intrude. It is possible to say no, even in our culture.

Admittedly accomodation is super expensive in London, but that's not your problem.

Christmas morning the kids come down to get their presents and there's random strangers asleep on the floor. Do you tell the kids santa will step over them? If kids awake early do you stop them going down cause they'll wake the guests?
The Christmas after losing a parent I wouldn't be having anyone in my house. What if you feel like sitting and crying all day, what if you don't feel up to cooking dinner.
Culture my arse, this is pure selfishness and lack of consideration to your feelings by your husband. I hope he considers your culture as much as you do his.
I'd also suggest his cousin gets a big air bnb, they can all stay there. Tell them you'll contribute a few bob towards it. They can then come to yours for dinner and all go back to a good night's sleep in a comfortable bed afterwards.

Your DH houldnt have agreed without checking with you first. Good you have said no.

Will you be expected to do all the hosting? If yes, then you can show your displeasure by letting him do it for the extra guests.

Family friend has decided she and her cousin will not come to visit out city for Christmas. DH has been briefed he is not to invite visitors again without my approval. He will be doing majority of cooking on Christmas and other food I will get catered. Planning to open the Veuve by 10am. Cheers! 🎉

Good outcome!

So much for looking for an airbnb.

They just wanted a free holiday at your expense.

Nice job 👏

Great update.

So its going to be a difficult Christmas for you, the first without your mum. You partner has organised his family to decend on your house for the entire period. Who is expected to serve these people? Youre not going to get a bit of rest with all these guests. Either they get a air b&b or you do. Cheeky buggers. What about you and what do you want?!

I am putting my money on this one

Well I'm glad you put your foot down but what in earth was your husband thinking?! You've recently lost your mum for goodness sake!!!
I'd be furious with him for being so insensitive.

Great result !

Sounds like a nightmare to me so many people including strangers in my house over cold and wet time of year. Your husband has made this mess i would book myself and child a nice air bnb/hotel and tell him to Crack on and figure it all out himself, extra bed linen, towels, food.

If you do decide to just deal with it for God sake please make sure you are not stuck organizing, cleaning, and running around after everyone.

I'm sorry for your loss, I lost my father this year and know it will be hard one xx

Sounds like hell. Id get myself the airb&b and leave them to it.

I think posters needs to RTFT or at least OPs updates, the problem has been sorted

Oh bugger sorry

You are awesome!!! Enjoy your Christmas. 🎉

Cultural traditions extend both ways. Yours is to have a quiet Christmas showing respect to dear lost ones preferably in an all inclusive hotel somewhere hot with your DS and DF.
Then DH has an open opportunity to host and entertain all his relations to his heart's content without the live in housekeeper and chef
sorry for your loss

They sound like they are freeloaders - wanting to stay in your house and you to wait on them and give them nice food etc. I bet they didn't want to find an air bnb. Didn't want to pay and air bnb doesn't have you there as a chef/waitress/maid.

Great outcome and for future too!

Excellent OP. Plus nice clear instructions for the future. Hope the rest of 2023 ends calmly for you. 🌹

That’s a good outcome. I hope you have a good time and can remember your mum the way you want.

Bloody Hell, YANBU. The cheek of sone people! I would contact her and say you're sorry but there's just no available room at yours to stay overnight and send some links to hotels you recommend.
Don't feel bad about it, Christmas is a stressful time anyway especially with guests ... but with additional uninvited guests all crammed into a small space, sounds like a nightmare. Just no.

I'm glad you have sorted it now. God knows why 4% voted YABU they must all have mansions to cater for anybody

So sounds like it was bullshit that they had already booked flights then..the cheek of them! Well done OP, hope you have a lovely day