Husband has invited random people to stay at our house over Christmas

[Theresa88]

My husband and I live with our toddler, I am English but husband is from a community oriented culture where it’s common for many relatives to stay together in one house.

our families both live in a city quite far away, we have invited them plus his family friend (single 33F) to come to us for Christmas and stay at our house. It’s going to be quite crowded as we only have a small 3 bedroom house but that’s ok, I’m happy to have family stay.

however his family friend has now asked if she can bring her sister and cousin (both of whom I’ve never met) to stay as well for Christmas, and my husband said yes without asking me. I’m not happy about adding people I’ve never met to an already crowded house over Christmas. I told the family friend this and she said her cousin has already booked flights to our city. AIBU to expect them to stay in an Airbnb rather than with us? Obviously husband shouldn’t have told them it was ok without checking with me but also they shouldn’t be asking if they can bring extra people to stay over Christmas for an indefinite period of time (I think they’re intending to stay for new years as well).

Even if they stay in an air bnb I still wouldn't want her to come round after being so cheeky. How many family members are coming round? Will your husband be doing all the cooking and hosting? Why does his culture matter more than your feelings? If you want a quiet Christmas after the loss of your mum (sorry for your loss) then he should respect that. Before you know it, your young child will be a teen. Make Christmas special for your toddler.

Go stay in an Air BNB with your toddler and let your husband sort out the shit at home!!

Sorry, I know that's not helpful. It just annoys me when men do this shit, because they have fuck all idea about what it takes to run a home - most especially at Christmas!

I would be booking a hotel for myself over Christmas.

One toilet/shower for 10 people for maybe 10 days? Just no. I didn’t even send cards and hardly put up a Christmas tree after a family bereavement.
Look after your own family first.

I’m not white english and I grew up between two cultures. This is BS. Your husband needs reminding to be sensitive to your needs especially after the passing of your mum. Stick to your guns.

What culture is your hubby from?

I wouldn't mind but your husband probably should have asked you before agreeing as you can't very well uninvite them now.

Glad you’ve said no. I mean your DH is mad when the house is already full. You’d have 3 people sleeping downstairs. That’s too much. Airbnb might be very expensive but that’s not your problem. How much of the cooking, cleaning and prep is he doing for all the people he’s invited to stay? Putting yourself out for family / close friends is one thing, but then bringing some random strangers, not on. Especially when you’ve got a child, you’ve no idea who these people are. I’d be telling them he needs to consult you before inviting people

Stop bending over backwards. After a close bereavement it's often really hard to feel festive.

Ask your husband where they're all going to sleep.
What's he cooking for them all?

Do you really want your home to be a doss house over Christmas?

Are they going to pay for food and drinks?

What kind of people are they to plonk themselves in a crowded house and sleep on the floor?

How many people wanting to use the bathrooms at one time?

Your house will stink with people strewn around on the floor.

Save all the aggro and you book somewhere with your child to stay whilst your husband tries to cope with entertaining and providing for a full house.

As an aside, you should have thought very carefully before becoming involved with, marrying and having a child with someone from a completely different culture who has different lifestyle ideas to yours.

Some of them can go stay with the cousin in the Airbnb if they’re all so fond of crowds.

It’s also my first Christmas without my mother who died a few months ago so I guess I’m not feeling in a very festive mood to be celebrating and hosting a lot of people.

I’m sorry OP 🌹

I agree with posters saying the whole thing needs to be cancelled. It’s totally unfair just after such a loss for you.

Your H and his family sound utterly self-absorbed- where is the recognition that you need and deserve peace and support right now?

So please don’t feel bad about cancelling the whole thing. Do it today.

My toddler was no good at holding on if they needed the loo. What do you do if some stranger is in there for 20 minutes having a shower? And how on earth do you cater for that many people for days on end. You’ll need about 3 fridges. Bedding and bags of clothes in the lounge would drive me nuts especially with decorations and presents already cluttering up the place. I really don’t envy you what a difficult situation. If you can do nothing else at least lay very strict guidelines for future invitations

@Theresa88

Thank you. I’ve actually contacted family friend to tell her she can’t bring her cousin to stay. She said they will look for an Airbnb but I don’t think she’s happy about it.

Excellent - and use this incident to ensure he doesn't do anything like this again and manage his expectations, plus the expectations of your guests for the future. Don't be the person running around after people, doing all the cooking, cleaning, clearing away, laundry etc. He does his bit plus everyone else contributes time and effort.

I would hate having so many people in my home for so many days anyway, but especially if they'd been foisted on me. 🌹

This is quite frankly ridiculous

So glad you’ve said no.

Does your husband cook, clean, etc? Or does he expect you to do it all?

I appreciate there's a different culture in play but I would ask your husband how he thinks he can accommodate all these people he keeps inviting. Make him actually think of reality of his actions. And tell him because of him inviting these extra people when there is no space means you now had to contact the family friend and suggest Airbnb.

tell them they are welcome for the day but will need overnight accommodation due to the space. Also let them know what they need to bring, nibbles, crackers, drinks etc

depending on the culture, some asian cultures do not celebrate/have parties the year that a family member dIes.

sounds like hell on earth
book a travelodge or airbnb for yourself
sod off and leave them all to it😁

You can't blame family cousins friends whatever she thought they had an invite.

This is all on ops dh.

Sorry for your loss, can imagine the last thing you want is a busy house at christmas when you are grieving. What is your husband's culture traditions etc for grief and honouring a person's grief.

If only this culture had manners, decency and a sense of fairness and reality towards those who are expected to host.

Ridiculous expectations.

No way would I be letting strangers stay in my toddler's home.

Sound like a clan of spongers.

So sorry for your loss op. The first Xmas without my mum was emotionally exhausting. So much of our family Xmas had her stamp on it there's no way I could have coped with lots of people in my home. You will have to sit down with your Dh and explain you feel otherwise you will have a house full of people who will expect you to be the hostess with the mostess. He needs to be considerate of your grief.