To stop friends turning up yo a party they aren't invited to?

[Yomuma]

DH and I have a bunch of mutual friends, including a lovely chap (let's call him "Phil")

Phil's girlfriend (who we don't know well) is organising him a birthday party. It isn't a surprise party, as Phil has apparently given her the names and numbers of those he wants there.
It sounds like a posh event, we've been asked to make food choices from a fancy menu etc. It is my DH on the chat with the invite on, but she apparently said to invite partners (so I am confident I am invited too).

The problem is, another mutual friend ("Sophie") as started up a seperate chat which includes not only some of those that are invited, but 5 poeple who are not. In fact, I'm sure Phil barely knows these 5 people at all and hasn't seen them in maybe 15 years. On this chat, Sophie has given out the details of the party, and suggested we all get an air BnB and go together. Replies have been along the lines of "thanks for the invite!" and "sounds great".

I feel like I am watching a slow motion car crash. DH says not to get involved, (I suggested he check with Phil's girlfriend / give her a heads up but he refused). I can't cope with the thought of 5 people turning up to (and paying accommodation for / travelling quite a distance to) a party they aren't invited to. The awkwardness when there is no food for them! The awkwardness when Phil is confused as to why they are there!

I have contacted 2 other invitees about this who are on Sophie's chat and they agree it is really awkward and cringe but don't want to get involved either.

AIBU to want to stop this carnage?

And how could I do it anyway without it being reaaaaallllly awkward?

Sophie invited, Sophie needs to uninvite.

But it's not the OP's place to tell Sophie that and Sophie's hardly likely to do it herself. So the gf and/or Phil at least have to know what's going on then they have the info they need to make a decision.

I’d post on the group and say that before they book accommodation to make sure they are in touch with Phil / gf with food choices as you had to confirm these some time ago.

Oh I hate it when people do that

Perfectly good plan hijacked and then it all falls apart

Sophie sounds like a nightmare with the hide of a rhinoceros to have done what she dod. If I were the host I'd uninvited her

*If they wanted these extra 5 they'd have invited them in the first place. There is a reason they weren't invited, either dynamics, cost, no longer see then as close friends.

I'd maybe think differently if it was a hall and buffet where people will mingle and an extra few wouldn't be noticed but it's not it's a £££ sit down meal.*

I totally agree but I think Phil and his girlfriend at least need to know what Sophie is doing/has done so that they can deal with it however they choose to because nobody else seems to have the balls to address it.

@wesurecouldstandgladioli oh he threw a strop and tried to play the victim. I soon provided my mother with the facts and she took my side. He grew up to be a woman beating, cocklodging, cheating addict who doesn’t see or support any of his kids. Obviously I’m NC with him. Rumour has it, he still hates me 🤣 I’m delighted.

As an aside, are some of my posts highlighting in bold what others have said because they're not showing as bold on my feed! So annoying!

It’s cruel that noone tells the people Sophie invited that they are actually not invited. I imagine they will be pretty pissed off and embarrassed. Not mentioning going through with booking stuff.

A pretty shitty thing of all of you to do, you are all cowards. It obviously won’t avert anything just asking Sophie.

No!!

She still doesn't seem to have realised what she's done.

You MUST contact Phil's gf

Why is everyone so afraid to tell Phil’s girlfriend what’s happened? I feel sorry for the poor woman. Here she is planning a lovely party for her boyfriend, blissfully unaware that five uninvited extras are going to turn up - leaving her in the no-win position of either asking them to leave, or shelling out God knows how much for five more meals.

I should imagine she’ll be hurt and pissed off that several bystanders saw this coming and did nothing to warn her. And I doubt Phil will be too pleased either.

Ya...... Sophie does not have this one covered. She is still going to let those people book their flights.

Call Phils girlfriend now. Tell her what is going on, I am hoping she just says oh yes I'll invite them now.

Or call the person booking flights, don't let them book flights

This is a no-brainier

I read this as "no-brianer" and for a minute really thought one of the 5 was called Brian

I think you need to put a message in the group chat, if Sophie hasn’t done so already, @Yomuma. Something along these lines:

”Sorry everyone, but Sophie has made a mistake - please check with her before booking airplane tickets.”

MeanWeed is spot on. You have to let the GF know. Sophie sounds very flakey and I would be guessing that she is unlikely to do the right thing. The consequences for your friendship with Phil/ his GF, if this plays out as it seems likely to do so, will be v bad.

When's the party OP? I quite fancy it.

I have a pretty strong sense that crisis is very much NOT averted…

Get on to Sophie, she's organising it 😀

She said those people haven't actually been formally invited and she hoped she hadn't "overstepped the mark" but she thought they would like to come (?!)

Oh ffs, what’s wrong with her?! Of course she’s overstepped the mark and put Phil, his gf and the non-invitees in an embarrassing position when they show up to find that they weren’t expected, there’s no food arranged for them, etc.

I know you don’t want to, but I think you have to let Phil’s gf know to save embarrassment at the party.

@AutumnNamechange your auto fail of 'booing flights ' has really tickled me 🤣
@Yomuma definitely don't Airbnb with Sophie and the Univited (great band name) because the atmosphere would be awful.....
Doesn't sound like Sophie is going to do the decent thing. The question is,, will you?

🍿🍿🍿🥤
waiting to hear the carnage

imagine if OP is being all ‘extra’ and she wasn’t invited either and she has assumed. Then BFriend has decided to not get involved! As in my house/family/friends the men don’t care- just want a date and time.
as room can always be made, food found but not shared off their plate and drinks all round.

as my OH would say ‘Jesus only needed five loaves of bread and two fish’ 😂

But waiting to see what happens 🍿

She's bonkers, if she's been invited, surely she knows there were meal choices etc, that these people haven't had, how on earth does she think that's going to work?!

Or is she planning on sharing her chair and plate between 6?!

Have you checked you are invited.
i would love for a friend/s to surprise with people I haven’t seen for ages.

you don’t know them.
maybe a surprise friend would be welcome
maybe when the old friend sees a gf there, who is just a +1 and haven’t even got an invite at all. They might be upset at you taking over.

🍿🍿🍿🍷

Anyone want to go in on an airbnb?

@Yomuma said in her OP, ”It sounds like a posh event, we've been asked to make food choices from a fancy menu etc. It is my DH on the chat with the invite on, but she apparently said to invite partners (so I am confident I am invited too).” - so it seems unlikely that she isn’t invited, @Biscuitmonster2318. She has submitted her menu choices, so surely, if she wasn’t invited, the girlfriend would have said then that the invite to partners didn’t include @Yomuma?

I’m in! As long as Sophie is ok with it, but I can’t see why not.