Nursery staff comforting children

[Libmama]

Last week I returned to work from maternity leave. I work in a school nursery and we take children from the age of 3.

We currently have a little girl with Downs Syndrome and she loves to be carried around. She is none verbal but gestures and is beginning to learn some Makaton signs.

One of the senior leadership team came into nursery on Wednesday and observed the little girl with DS being carried across the room and two other members of staff sat doing activities with children on their knees.

We have now been told under no circumstances are we to carry any children or have them on our knee. Instead if they are upset we have to sit them next to us on the floor and comfort them.

I am appalled by this. In my opinion three year olds are still so so small and if they need a bit of adult comfort in the form on a cuddle or a carry etc then that is a basic need and us not being allowed to do that is not meeting that need.

Can anyone share how they’d feel about their children going to this nursery please. I’m trying to decide whether to kick off about it and stick to my instincts and what I believe in or to let it go.

The parents of the children haven’t been told about this new rule btw.

I AM being unreasonable- children at 3 don’t need physical contact to be comforted

I am NOT being unreasonable- children of 3 should absolutely be cuddled if they need it.

That's horrible, little kids need cuddles. If my children's nursery refused to hug them I'd be moving them elseware.

My DD3 gets a lot of cuddles. She has a minor scrape recently and the accident form said she was treated with ‘a plaster and cuddles’.

I’m very glad that’s the case!

I don't think you are unreasonable at all. I find it so sad that young children can't be comforted properly. My daughter goes to a mainstream nursery where they are still carried and held but also a SEN nursery where they cannot pick them up or have them on laps. I was astounded. Many of the children there have severe disabilities/delays and it's so sad they cannot be comforted effectively.

I believe it should be up to individuals if they feel happy to hold the children and not a blanket ban.

Our primary always gave cuddles if necessary all the way through. It's a sad day when you can't comfort a child

There's cuddling and cuddling. No one would deny that small children may need physical contact as comfort, but there are appropriate ways in which to do this. I was a trustee of a pre-school some years ago and recall that the Pre-School Learning Alliance used to publish guidance. iirc, for instance, hugging a child was ok, but not full-frontal. One should hug to the side with closed legs. Sitting on a knee doesn't sound appropriate any more - and the child should be in control of the position and able to leave it at any time (which would rule out carrying). This is not new guidance: I read this nearly 15 years ago.

I think there is a bit of a middle ground here. Giving cuddles when they are upset without doubt but I don’t think in most cases sitting on knees doing activities is needed if the child is otherwise happy.

Sounds cruel to me especially since she needs more support as non verbal. My kids nursery often gives cuddles on laps and i love to see it. YANBU

It’s been many years since my dc were in nursery, but I always remember as a previous poster has also said, upsets being met with a plaster and cwtch,
and also dc being lifted out of the arms of parents in the morning.

I believe at this age they still need that physical reassurance that everything is okay. I would be really upset as a parent if my dc had been left crying and upset.

I think there's a happy medium, there's no need to carry a 3 year old (disabilities or injury aside) and sitting them on your lap is fraught with safeguarding issues because others can't see what you're doing, but sit next to them and put your arm around is fine. It's a school nursery so usually it's a bit more grown up

I think much of it is to protect both you as worker and child. The carrying could be about risk assessing the situation. If the adult falls and injures the child you have a problem. As poster above says, it is about how much hugging and how etc. I would ask for further clarity, children most certainly need comforting etc at that age but there should be a difference between professional and family care.

This sounds sensible

We can give appropriate comfort in our primary setting (KS1). So if a child is very distressed or has hurt themselves we would put our arm around them lightly to comfort them. Some children with additional needs will just literally throw themselves at you for a hug. I do think it is a very difficult situation these days and staff have to safeguard themselves against potential accusations. It’s very sad and especially for very young nursery setting children but that is the world we are living in thanks to some very evil humans. As a Mom, I always wanted someone to comfort and nurture my children when they were needed it.

I wouldn’t send my 3 year old with a policy like that.

Yes this. 3 yo is a bit old to be sitting on the lap of nursery staff, but you should be able to comfort kids that are upset.

I don't know about children with special needs though, it should probably be addressed on a case by case basis with the parents.

I agree with this.

Also I appreciate the child enjoys being carried around but it's not really practical for a member of staff to carry a child around all day and it could lead to injuries for staff members.

I also think with the child who likes being carried that will very soon get to a point where it is completely impractical anyway so finding another way to help support her makes sense.

I didn't think of that but that's a very good point- they can't have a member of staff carrying a child round and getting injured.

When my 3 year old is upset going into preschool and has to be peeled from my arms it gives me comfort to see her being held by her keyworker and having that care and familiarity that helps her feel safe when I’m not there if she’s upset. I do agree that generally if the child is happy and playing they don’t need to be sat on a knee etc,

We are social mammals, young children need physical comfort from trusted adults. It goes without saying that it should child led and not forced.kr inappropriate, but decent people who understand children is a pretty basic requirement that I'd expect was met when hiring nursery staff!

My boy went through a phase of getting upset leaving me going into school nursery. He was really very upset at the door one day. One of the wonderful teachers called to him that she was coming to get her NameHug before they got on with the fun day she had planned for him... He was sobbing and clinging to me, but by the time she got to him he reached out to go to her and she carried him in gently talking to him, and I left. (I'm was told and believed he calmed with a minute). The ONLY reason I left my precious boy that day was because there was another adult there who we both trusted who was treating him as just as precious.

My 10 year old daughter in year 6 told me she got a cuddle from the headteacher the other week, I asked why and she said because she wanted one! I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable.. 3 is so young, I think that interaction/comfort is very much needed

I'm a childminder and look after babies to 5 years. I carry, lift, cuddle, hold hands etc with all the children. Some of it necessary, getting in to car seats or buggies or changing nappies/clothes, some of it for comfort/instigated by the children.

'Trust' has no place in safeguarding.

The smaller ones fine. But they need to get used to it as they get nearer school age. Sitting on an adults lap isn't always appropriate.

Wait, sitting on a knee is inappropriate??? What the actual fuck am I reading. Shocking . I work with small children and I'll be damned if I'm not going to show affection because someone somewhere is afraid of looking bad

@BrokenButNotFinished
Well, there has to be some level of trust right? For example, I wouldn't leave my DC with people I didn't have a basic trust for in the first place. Although of course trust is just the start, there need to be robust safeguarding rules too.