Nursery staff comforting children

[Libmama]

Last week I returned to work from maternity leave. I work in a school nursery and we take children from the age of 3.

We currently have a little girl with Downs Syndrome and she loves to be carried around. She is none verbal but gestures and is beginning to learn some Makaton signs.

One of the senior leadership team came into nursery on Wednesday and observed the little girl with DS being carried across the room and two other members of staff sat doing activities with children on their knees.

We have now been told under no circumstances are we to carry any children or have them on our knee. Instead if they are upset we have to sit them next to us on the floor and comfort them.

I am appalled by this. In my opinion three year olds are still so so small and if they need a bit of adult comfort in the form on a cuddle or a carry etc then that is a basic need and us not being allowed to do that is not meeting that need.

Can anyone share how they’d feel about their children going to this nursery please. I’m trying to decide whether to kick off about it and stick to my instincts and what I believe in or to let it go.

The parents of the children haven’t been told about this new rule btw.

I AM being unreasonable- children at 3 don’t need physical contact to be comforted

I am NOT being unreasonable- children of 3 should absolutely be cuddled if they need it.

Absolutely no need for a 3-4 year old to sit on a staff members knee.

I dont think this is a "new" role as such.Obviously if a child is hurt or upset ,then yes a cuddle is appropriate .If they are otherwise OK, just engaging with them is fine.Carrying children has risks for both Adult and child .a fall ,or Nursery workers back going for example .Just common sense really.

The worrying thing here for me is that it's a secret policy. If the nursery believes in it they should have no need to hide it.

@LittleMooli I beg to differ. I have sat children on my knee for a cuddle if they're sad before. It's quite sad that for these children. What's the world come to

But the incidence of a small child needing a hug very frequent, several times a day I would say. But the incidence of someone who would take advantage of them, who also managed to get through all the protective checks etc managing to do that is, thankfully, very rare. Not vanishingly but still. I think children need that level of connection and will let you know. Worse for the child to reject them when they need a hug or to sit on a lap imo.

But the opening post doesn’t read like the children were sad. They were sat on the staff members knee while doing an activity and that is unnecessary.

The other problem with carrying and sitting on knees is that it means the children who enjoy this get a lot more adult attention than children who would rather not do it. All the children need to be able to talk and communicate with staff members equally.

I work in a preschool too. I wouldnt agree with that policy. Our place is very child led and we try and have it very much like a home environment. The kids always want to sit on our knee , theres a queue sometimes especially when doing activities. They all love being carried sometimes when they're upset.
I get about Safeguarding but we're never on our own with the kids and i think like you that policy is sad.

They don't even let kids sit on Santa's knee anymore. It's all well and good saying oh it's ok they are trustworthy. But it's not a good habit for a child to think its ok to sit on people's knees

I think this exemplifies the problem. Children are queuing up for a turn at sitting on an adult’s knee. In a group situation all the children should feel able to play and focus on their activities rather than feeling the need to wait for special attention form an adult.

Trust is the wrong word. We leave our children with adults within a structure that has robust reporting, transparency, a whistleblowing policy, an understanding of safer recruitment etc. We can rely on the trustees or whoever is responsible to make sure those things are operationally in place, but we shouldn't be switching off our critical faculties. It's possible to like an early years provider, believe they are providing good care and simultaneously be alert to anything untoward.

Bizarre. My eldest isn't quite three yet so I suppose I don't have direct experience with that age group but I'd say little children definitely need cuddles. If one of mine has a bump in nursery I get a form describing what the staff did about it. Usually it says "cold compress and cuddles", which is exactly right!

Denying such tiny children physical comfort is unkind imo.

It's not as vanishingly small as you might think.

The OP has set this poll up in an extremely biased manner. It is possible to provide physical comfort to a small child in appropriate manners. No one is talking about children being sad and rejected.

This. I ve worked in nursery , pre school, primary and SEND schools. You don't carry a child about- it's not needed or that safe. You don't hug front on, side hugs are the way to go. But been like thus for years now , I'd question a nursery carrying a preschool child around. What if staff member fell & dropped her? Surely she'll be in school in a year so no carries anyway.
I find the sitting the knee bit is hard as it's quite natural, but the dc get yse to you moving them to the side. You still conform them etc just appropriately, you're not their family.

My son has autism and from a very young age needed lots of cuddles and likes to have physical contact with whoever he is with so always wanted to hold his teachers hands and sit on their knee and cuddle as it helped him self regulate and they were lovely with him even adding to his plan how he liked hugs and he used to like to have his hand stroked a certain way as it calmed him down when upset. If his nursery had a rule like this we would have taken it out it seems cruel and cold to deprive very young children of the contact they need

*him out

But no one is denying children comfort when they're upset or injured. You can comfort a child without carrying them around or sitting them on your knee.

Perhaps you need to read more serious case reviews...?

If you can't follow safeguarding guidelines because you don't care about the impact on others, then you would be a problem within the organisation.

I have a similarly aged DC, both she and her older sister have been at our nursery from the baby room. We frequently arrive and see someone with multiple children sprawled on them reading a story, or someone sitting on a knee for a couple of minutes for comfort. Very normal at that age I would have thought, and I would be very sad to see it stop.

Eldest's first primary school teacher was also very generous with the hugs for anyone who wanted them, and again we only saw that as a positive.

Carrying a 3yo around all day is different as that's not fair on the adults' backs, so that's fair enough. But hugs and sitting on a knee are entirely normal with that age IME.

I agree with the new ‘rules’. Unless a child in nursery is injured, they should not be being carried anywhere. It’s not appropriate. If they cannot walk, then appropriate aids should be used.
Having young children sitting on staff knees is not great. That doesn’t mean they can’t get a comforting hug if needed. It’s blurring the boundaries of bodily autonomy. We want children to be confident enough to say no to someone else coming into their personal space, however when there is a power imbalance, which there is between adults and small children, then the adult is automatically overriding the child’s autonomy.

Children in school do need to start learning school boundaries even in the early years. I teach early years in a special school. We are not allowed to carry the children, even those with physical difficulties/ mobility issue we are not allowed to lift or carry around the classroom. It’s a blanket health and safety/ manual handling rule across the school. You also have to consider that it can be difficult for children with additional needs to learn boundaries if they are not consistent, you don’t want the little girl you are carrying to think that staff in school can carry her as that definitely won’t be the case in reception/ Year 1. It will be easier for her to learn that you don’t get carried in school now, in nursery, than to try and teach it to her next year when she’s had a full year in a school context where staff have been carrying her. School should also be about teaching independence and encouraging the development of skills, for many children with special needs walking and navigating/ orientating around the classroom is a huge part of this. Not carrying children is a reasonable rule and I don’t think the fact the little girl has SEN matters.

In my early years setting we also don’t cuddle the children unnecessarily, we wouldn’t for example sit them on laps to do a table activity or sit cuddled up to read a book. The boundaries at school do look different to in a home setting and again, school is about learning skills and sitting on a chair to do an activity is part of that. But if a child is upset or anxious and initiates sitting on a staff members lap or needs a cuddle when crying etc then we would comfort the child in that way. If a child was happy and regulated and initiated a cuddle though we would give a hug from the side or give them a quick hug on a lap and then move into a side hug. This is because as they get older this kind of physical contact with school staff would become inappropriate and it will be easier to instil these boundaries now and in a gentle way than to try and instil them when the child is older.

It is okay for little children to sit on people's knees, though. Not strangers' knees, sure, but trusted adults... Why wouldn't that be okay?

@Sirzy oh yes I knew that, sorry wasn't clear that I meant to those who are saying it should never be done

I know this is the rule in Reception. I would expect pre school staff to be allowed to cuddle children and carry them if necessary. As a parent I would also expect my child to be cuddled and picked up if distressed. Makes me bloody glad I was able to be at home with my children when they were this age.

Who is a trusted adult...??