Who pays for the pizza?

limefrog · 2023-11-05T03:12:42+00:00

Me and DH hosted a few friends for fireworks last night and ordered takeaway pizza. This was part of the invite message we sent out, we said we'd be ordering pizza just before the fireworks. My DH thinks that we should ask everyone who had pizza to pay for it. I think that as we are hosting and they are our guests we should pay - we can afford it and it's not a very regular occurrence that we host things like this, so I just see it as treating our friends. Most of them brought some wine or cake etc to contribute anyway. AIBU? Or is my husband?

poorlyarm · 05/11/2023 03:14

You should pay

Pointlessuser · 05/11/2023 03:15

Personally I agree with you, I would pay for the pizza myself, I’m assuming these are good friends so you’ll be eating at there’s with no cost

Hermittrismegistus · 05/11/2023 03:19

If you host you pay.

Weenurse · 05/11/2023 03:19

You pay

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/11/2023 03:25

The social convention is if you invite someone for a meal at your home you feed them for free unless otherwise stated. If someone wants to host but not pay that needs to be stated in the invites, bring a dish/bring your own drinks/chip in for takeaway. Asking after the fact will just make your friends feel uncomfortable.

Original poster

limefrog · 05/11/2023 03:26

Pointlessuser · 05/11/2023 03:15

Personally I agree with you, I would pay for the pizza myself, I’m assuming these are good friends so you’ll be eating at there’s with no cost

Yes good friends although we don't tend to eat at theirs often - some are in different living situations like house shares or just small flats not as suitable for hositng.

So although we don't host frequently, others wouldn't host frequently either - as a group we tend to do more stuff out and about than in our homes.

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MrsKwazi · 05/11/2023 03:26

You pay

Original poster

limefrog · 05/11/2023 03:27

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/11/2023 03:25

The social convention is if you invite someone for a meal at your home you feed them for free unless otherwise stated. If someone wants to host but not pay that needs to be stated in the invites, bring a dish/bring your own drinks/chip in for takeaway. Asking after the fact will just make your friends feel uncomfortable.

Yes I agree with this, but I think my DH feels that because we said we were ordering pizza it was implied that everyone would chip in for their own.

I don't think that was implied and it makes me very uncomfortable!

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Riverlee · 05/11/2023 03:29

You pay.

Westpoint · 05/11/2023 03:33

Your husband is BVUB. Pease don't let him embarrass you.

echt · 05/11/2023 03:33

Implications are useless when it comes to money. You have to be upfront. The etiquette for invitations in the UK is that if you host you provide the food unless you make it absolutely clear in the invitation that it's otherwise.

Asking for money after the fact is utterly cringeworthy.

YANBU, your DH is.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/11/2023 03:34

If he's right then why didn't any of your friends pay? The fact they didn't surely means they don't see it the same way he does. Does he think your friends are chancers and need to be told what their social obligations are?

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 05/11/2023 03:35

Please do not let him ask for money or you will lose friends or certainly the friendships will change. What the hell is wrong with him. Friends invited over and pizza ordered so you pay. Is he always so tight and mean and just tell him to stop going on about it as it is embarrassing and as poster above said cringey.

Original poster

limefrog · 05/11/2023 03:36

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/11/2023 03:34

If he's right then why didn't any of your friends pay? The fact they didn't surely means they don't see it the same way he does. Does he think your friends are chancers and need to be told what their social obligations are?

Well we have an awkward situation because one of them offered to pay and I said no. Another offered to my DH (without me knowing) and he accepted. So I feel even more cringe about that now because it's unfair between our friends.

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Original poster

limefrog · 05/11/2023 03:38

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 05/11/2023 03:35

Please do not let him ask for money or you will lose friends or certainly the friendships will change. What the hell is wrong with him. Friends invited over and pizza ordered so you pay. Is he always so tight and mean and just tell him to stop going on about it as it is embarrassing and as poster above said cringey.

He's not mean, I think he just genuinely doesn't know about this social convention and he doesn't really believe me when I say it's the norm.

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ladycardamom · 05/11/2023 03:38

It should have been specified in the invite if you expected people to chip in. "BYO and let's all chip in for delivery pizza, we'll all order together when you get here".

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 05/11/2023 03:39

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/11/2023 03:25

The social convention is if you invite someone for a meal at your home you feed them for free unless otherwise stated. If someone wants to host but not pay that needs to be stated in the invites, bring a dish/bring your own drinks/chip in for takeaway. Asking after the fact will just make your friends feel uncomfortable.

This if you didn’t specifically state in advance that everyone was paying for their own then you can’t ask after the fact.

Tilllly · 05/11/2023 03:42

Oh bloody hell OP, that makes it more awkward

Can you give them the money back, quietly
Make a bit of a joke about it?
"Bloody DH never listens, pizza was on us"

DominiqueBernard · 05/11/2023 03:49

You pay

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/11/2023 03:54

That is even more awkward then. It's always nice to offer to chip in, especially if you don't/can't host much. Would it be worth showing him the tread? No matter how nice your friends are it's going to be awkward asking for money now. Would he be willing to accept it's too late this time but next time you host you can do a pot luck or ask everyone to chip in for takeaway?

Parttimewoes · 05/11/2023 03:57

Tilllly · 05/11/2023 03:42

Oh bloody hell OP, that makes it more awkward

Can you give them the money back, quietly
Make a bit of a joke about it?
"Bloody DH never listens, pizza was on us"

This.

You absolutely can’t ask for money from the others now, and you absolutely can’t let one set of friends pay and not the others.

Pepperama · 05/11/2023 03:59

Oh no, how embarrassing. I’d be having a word about 1. Trusting in you and 2. It’s never a problem to be overly generous; but being overly stingy is. So even if he doesn’t believe you, given two options, there’s one that won’t cause problems if he’s wrong or you’re wrong, so even on that basis you should’ve paid.

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 05/11/2023 04:03

If you don't want to provide food for your guests, don't host.

SugarHorse · 05/11/2023 04:03

Pepperama · 05/11/2023 03:59

Oh no, how embarrassing. I’d be having a word about 1. Trusting in you and 2. It’s never a problem to be overly generous; but being overly stingy is. So even if he doesn’t believe you, given two options, there’s one that won’t cause problems if he’s wrong or you’re wrong, so even on that basis you should’ve paid.

🔼🔼 This - absolutely.

Dillane · 05/11/2023 04:06

Your husband would be incredibly embarrassing to ‘charge’ guests.