Who pays for the pizza?

[limefrog]

Me and DH hosted a few friends for fireworks last night and ordered takeaway pizza. This was part of the invite message we sent out, we said we'd be ordering pizza just before the fireworks.

My DH thinks that we should ask everyone who had pizza to pay for it.

I think that as we are hosting and they are our guests we should pay - we can afford it and it's not a very regular occurrence that we host things like this, so I just see it as treating our friends. Most of them brought some wine or cake etc to contribute anyway.

AIBU?

Or is my husband?

If you are all behaving according to social norms, your friends will bring a bottle or two, and you will pay.

If you wanted them to pay you should have made this crystal clear from the onset.
You can’t ask them to pay now. Your dh is wrong.

Yes as others said. Since you were hosting and the pizza was specially mentioned as part of the 'hosting' you pay.

Had you had some friends round and someone suggested getting some pizzas in, then it would be an everyone chipping in situation to me.

Embarrassing situation but don't lose sleep over it. I would offer the friends their money back and say oops crossed wires! And if you are hosting again, have a conversation with DH before you invite people about expectations.

My friendship group is obviously in the minority as when we meet up at someone’s for drinks and a takeaway we all bring our own drinks and pay our share of the food. This should have been made clear during the invite though, ‘shall we chip in for a takeaway when you come round?’. It’s only when we cook that the host covers the food bill.

Why ever not?

It's not at all unusual for friends to gather at one person's house but all pay for their own takeaway. Have you never done that?

The issue here is the unclear expectations, neither way is wrong as long as everyone knows the score

Surely if the group were expected to chip in they'd also be asked to place their own order?

I've been to things at peoples homes that are both ways, either a selection of pizzas (paid by the host) just turn up at some point, or a menu is passed round and order placed / cash chipped in.

Your Husband is being UR to place a bulk order and then expect guests to chip in for it. How's he expecting that to work? An even split no matter what they ate? A set price per slice actually consumed? Nah.

Oh sorry just read your update. That is extremely generous of you then, and more generous than I'd expect as a guest for a casual party. I would certainly have both offered and fully expected to pay too if I was choosing my own pizza.

You certainly can't go back and ask for money now, but for next time take the lesson that if you're providing the food then you just place a broad order that you're comfortable with the cost of and the guests get what they're given.

Going against the grain here. If we have friends over and order curry or Thai or something we normally split it so I’m interested to read this. We’ve always done it like that with any friendship groups we’ve got. I think if you invite people over and say let’s get a takeaway it’s always assumed you’ll all chip in hence guests offering to pay.

You pay unless you made it clear on the invite that everyone can order there own food to get delivered before the fireworks.

We had friends found last night, ordered takeaway and paid for it. We invited them to dinner and we could have cooked but decided not to do it’s on us to pay for a takeaway instead.

I hope your giving back the money to the person who did pay.

Don't make excuses for your DH he's a down right embarrassment.

Never host again if this is all the drama that comes with it.

I too hope, that you give back the money to the friend that paid you. That’s not fair if you don’t. Mark my words, they will find out and that would be awful.

You are not being unreasonable.

Return the money to the one set of friends that paid. Don't ask your husband if it's ok to do so, just do it. Surely your Dh knows that if you host and choose off your own backs to order takeout then you should pay for it. Is he just playing dumb? You will damage the friendships if you take money from some but not others or try to ask them all for money.

I feel that's a bit different though. Getting together for a catch up with friends is different to hosting an event like the op did.

Exactly this.

The husband is an embarrassing tightarse.

I'd be embarrassed if my DH was this tight

Actually, this is an interesting example of how social norms change. My father, who was born in 1920 (yes, I know, I'm old!) would have been deeply offended if anyone had brought a bottle to a dinner party. Letter and possibly flowers the next day was acceptable. Anything on the night? A complete faux pas!

You pay. Though if any guest wanted to give cash to contribute and would not say NO then I would thank them for their generosity and say that you were not expecting that.

As you say, this will not be repeated so it will be back to normal and paying for yourselves when eating out with friends or eating for free should they invite you over for a meal..

If he wanted to charge his guests for pizza this should have been crystal clear in the invitation not 'implied.'

Something like,
'Please come round for a fireworks party. We're planning on ordering pizza, it should be £10 each, hope this is OK'

If I turned up i would bring booze and probably expect food for free unless told otherwise in the invite

You absolutely can't ask for money after the event.
If he had wanted people to pay he would have said "Come round for fireworks and we'll order in some pizzas, let me know what you like should be about £10 per couple "

Actually that's another point - did the visitors get to select their own choice of pizza, if not that's another reason why you shouldn't charge, it's rude to have to pay for food you don't get to choose.

Sometimes I have friends round and have takeaway rather than cooking. If I choose a set banquet then I don't expect them to pay, but if it's more of a let's order takeaway and people say the dish they want then everyone pays when ordering, but you can't ask for money after the event, so tacky.

No, the text implies you as the hosts are paying for the pizza.
If it implied everyone was paying their share wouldn't they all have automatically settled up with you as the order was going in?

Then id give the money back tbh. Id say to friend that paid, lack of communication between partners and they oc dont have to pay

I’d hand the money back to the friend in secret. They’re a generous person for offering but your husband should never have accepted the offer,

100% you pay as you invited them into your home.

Agree with you OP. You should definitely pay. Would be a bit odd/ rude to ask for money. (Although if I was a guest I would have offered a contribution). Also it's just pizza...how expensive can it be?!