Who pays for the pizza?

[limefrog]

Me and DH hosted a few friends for fireworks last night and ordered takeaway pizza. This was part of the invite message we sent out, we said we'd be ordering pizza just before the fireworks.

My DH thinks that we should ask everyone who had pizza to pay for it.

I think that as we are hosting and they are our guests we should pay - we can afford it and it's not a very regular occurrence that we host things like this, so I just see it as treating our friends. Most of them brought some wine or cake etc to contribute anyway.

AIBU?

Or is my husband?

Definitely. You are right. Your husband is wrong.

I would automatically say you pay, maybe more so if it was a couples thing (for some reason?) but we went to my friend’s house for pizza recently, no partners, and as she placed the order she said how much it would be each. I didn’t have cash on me so had to message her to bank transfer it. No one questioned it and everyone paid their share but really as she had invited us over for pizza maybe she should have been paying

It would be so embarrassing if you didn't pay ....

You guys are hosting, you need to be hospitable.

Yes you should pay. They brought wine and cake

If you invited your friends to your home, you pay, unless you stated up front in the invitation that you’ll split the cost of the pizza.

Personally if you offered to host and specifically said you would order pizza then I think you should pay and not ask them for money now.

There might have been people who don’t love pizza and would have preferred a burger or an Indian or something but who only ate the pizza because everyone else was? It’s then unfair to ask them to pay for it!

Next time make it clear it’s a chip in situation before hand.

Hate to bring up class but I've noticed that where I'm from (working class), most people don't assume one person/couple will cover the entire bill at a restaurant or for takeaway, regardless of who invited who. You at least offer to split it. And that is purely because most people don't have enough money to treat a whole gang to a takeaway.

Meanwhile when I go for lunch with middle class/more well off people, usually the inviting person will pay.

I've also noticed that when it comes to people with more well-off parents, their parents always seem to pay at restaurants, even when the kids are adults with their own incomes. Whereas with my parents and my friend's parents, we take it in turns to pay so no-one is worse off.

What's the difference between hosting and hanging out at someone's house?

I agree with you as you were hosting.

you hosted friends at your house and said you were getting pizza - therefore you pay.

I agree with you because you offered the pizza. If you’d asked whether everyone wanted to chip in towards pizza beforehand, fair enough but the pizza was offered so you can’t ask for payment afterwards.

If you’ve dictated / decided to order pizza, you pay. If it’s a decision taken mutually as a group with everyone’s buy in then split it. If they offer to order pizza seeing as you are hosting, they pay (unless you offer to split).

Whoever’s decision it was to order food with a cost implication, pays.

I would assume everyone would chip in. I definitely wouldn't have expected you to front the cost!

You pay unless discussed in advance , then the invite would be come round and we can all chip in for pizza. Yours was a straight forward invitation and so you pay.

This is a good idea - OP you should do this x

You pay. Really tight not to unless you make it very clear from the outset.

It. Not awkward that some offered to pay and others didn't. If they offer and you accept then that was nice of them and that's that. I wouldn't be chasing others for the money though....

@limefrog - I agree with @Tilllly . Perfect way to sort it out!!

I think it's mostly the host that should pay. If the invites had said something like "and how does everyone feel if we all chip in and order pizza after?" then it would be indicated that each was expected to pay for their own and give anyone that didn't want to a chance to not. But inviting everyone over and providing pizza before the fireworks is definitely party host territory so you ANBU.

I agree with this. I have friends in lower income jobs so if we ever have takeaway together we would all just know we are all paying our own or splitting without even discussing it, it's just normal for us.
However my partners friends are all higher earners and tend to follow the rule of host pays. I'd be more than happy to pay my way though if asked.
Likewise with meeting parents, I always pay my own way when meeting mine, but my partners parents will always pay for a meal if we are out with them. I guess it just comes down to what is considered normal in that family dynamic, social circle and what people can afford.

You host, you pay simple

Definitely don't ask after the event. That would annoy me! I wouldn't have minded chipping in if I had been told in advance.

It reminds me of when I asked a friend what she'd like to drink on the way to her house, she asked me to bring a bottle of some spirit and it was expensive but I didn't mind at all until I was asked to pay for pizza!!!