Who pays for the pizza?

[limefrog]

Me and DH hosted a few friends for fireworks last night and ordered takeaway pizza. This was part of the invite message we sent out, we said we'd be ordering pizza just before the fireworks.

My DH thinks that we should ask everyone who had pizza to pay for it.

I think that as we are hosting and they are our guests we should pay - we can afford it and it's not a very regular occurrence that we host things like this, so I just see it as treating our friends. Most of them brought some wine or cake etc to contribute anyway.

AIBU?

Or is my husband?

Is your husband normally this tight with money?

If you invite somebody to your house for pizza you pay for it. If you can't afford pizza or don't wamt to,pay for it just give not drinks and biscuits.

You cannot ask your guests to pay if you invited them over and said you would order pizza.

Yes you should pay. You were hosting.

You pay
They didn't choose to order pizza and they brought stuff too.

Unless you'd asked everyone if they were happy to chip in for pizza when the initial invite went out, you as the host should pay

YANBU, your DH is.
Usually I'd say we all pay for our own pizzas, but in this instance you invited them and said you were ordering pizza so you should pay.
I wouldn't want to presume that they could just afford it like that without being asked or putting them in an uncomfortable position as I know how crap it is to be skint.
Anyway short version you invited them, you said pizzas so you pay.

You are right, you pay.

The invitation said "we will order pizza". I would have assumed that was included in the invitation unless it said "plan is to order pizza with everyone chipping in" (which would be fine if clear).

I would not expect to be told what I was having for dinner and then be told later that I would pay for it. If i didn't fancy pizza I might choose to opt out/eat first (even if it was included).

You need to give your friend the money back and make a joke about crossed wires.

The only time I expected a guest to pay for pizza at my house was when a couple came to stay. They usually stayed at our house as we had more room and we'd lay on all the food/ cook for them. Third time running at ours and they said they felt bad I always provided the food and cooked so why didn't we have takeaway pizza this time. I happily agreed, assuming they were taking a turn providing the food. They chose the pizzas but when they arrived it turned out they had no cash and had been expecting us to pay anyway. Awkward!

Eh this is pretty normal, I often do this.
unless you think they have phoned up, I imagine they ordered on the website.

Please return the money, that’s so cringe taking a tenner or whatever off them. For a larger takeaway I’d always offer to pay and we split it. But for a pizza I’ve never ever taken money off my friends.

"Eh this is pretty normal, I often do this.
unless you think they have phoned up, I imagine they ordered on the website."

Oh! Haha, yes, sorry OP

I thought she had rung up. Makes more sense now.

If you invite someone to your home, you pay.

But guests should bring a small gift.

It is really rude to ask a guest to chip in for pizza or food.

Suppose someone doesn't like pizza? Can they have a kebab?

This is interesting, anytime I’ve been invited to friends for a takeaway we all pay for what we eat, I’ve never expected my takeaway to be paid for 🤔

I would be livid if DH had accepted money from our guests. What a tight arse.

How old are you? Splitting costs was normal in my twenties but I would pay for everyone these days.

Same. But I've noticed that a lot of social rules regarding splitting the bill and who should pay are different in MN than in my social group. My group might be the weird one.

If you are not fully hosting it should be explicit in the invitation.

that is especially true if you have mixed income groups. You don’t want to put someone on the spot where what seems like a small amount to you is huge to them.

pizza is problematic for this because with a large group and the potential for a couple of bigger eaters / those with bigger budgets to spur on the order, it can quickly add up. You might have someone in the group whose budget affords 1 slice suddenly on the hook for nearly a whole pizza with all the toppings once the bill is split evenly.

which is why I would either host or if you can’t, set a fixed amount people need to contribute in advance. If you are then a bit short because the numbers didn’t work out evenly, you should be prepared to make up the difference. If people push for a bigger order you can either pay for it yourself or let them lay for it on the side as opposed to making everyone pay.

or since clearly pizza can just cause way too much drama with mixed budgets, just pay for the pizza. Have people bring crisps and dips, maybe some cut up veggies, anything but the main.

In your situation I think you pay, I'd read the invite as you offering to pay, not implying the cost would be split! I think you need to return the money to the friend who paid as well or its going to be extremely awkward if they find out they're the only ones.

In general either way is fine as long as its clear up front.

You pay.

I have sometimes suggested to friends that come round that they can order takeaway to be delivered to ours if they want, and then they pay (or we split) but they choose what they want.

you organised the pizza so you should be prepared to pay for it

but in this scenario did you all decide what to order together? And choose what you wanted? This makes it different to the the pizza just turning up

DH feels that because we said we were ordering pizza it was implied that everyone would chip in for their own.

Implying is always wrong, it just leads to midunderstsnding. As in any commercial relationship, if you are going to charge (or pass on any cost) this needs to be madd very clear indeed upfront before placing the order so people can opt out if they want.

Especially if you can afford it , invited people to your home and didn't ask them up front to contribute, I would expect you to cover the full cost.

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I was going to go Alon to say that good friends will probably offer to pay when I ready our update. How cringe. I can't imaging what to do as I feel really uncomfortable about some one 's offer to pay being accepted and someone else's being refused.

This is an argument in favour of you and your DH improving your communications between the two of you. . As a matter of urgency

Tour husband is unreasonable. If you want guests to pay you have to tell them in advance. Good guests would bring sweets, fancy biscuits or wine.

Op says she passed her phone for everyone to add the pizza they wanted.

Yeah we would choose when we get there and everyone would pay for their own thing