Who pays for the pizza?

[limefrog]

Me and DH hosted a few friends for fireworks last night and ordered takeaway pizza. This was part of the invite message we sent out, we said we'd be ordering pizza just before the fireworks.

My DH thinks that we should ask everyone who had pizza to pay for it.

I think that as we are hosting and they are our guests we should pay - we can afford it and it's not a very regular occurrence that we host things like this, so I just see it as treating our friends. Most of them brought some wine or cake etc to contribute anyway.

AIBU?

Or is my husband?

You pay

If cost is an issue, you could have bought some supermarket pizzas instead

This

@limefrog

This:

“Yes as others said. Since you were hosting and the pizza was specially mentioned as part of the 'hosting' you pay.

Had you had some friends round and someone suggested getting some pizzas in, then it would be an everyone chipping in situation to me.

Embarrassing situation but don't lose sleep over it. I would offer the friends their money back and say oops crossed wires! And if you are hosting again, have a conversation with DH before you invite people about expectations.”

Also, people brought wine and cake so that was their contribution to the evening. Please do repay the friends who paid. You can explain it as crossed wires. But it’s very possible they will discover they paid but others didn’t and that will be more uncomfortable for you.

With the wording of your invite - you pay.

If you'd said you are all invited round and let's all chip in for pizza it would be different.

If you invite people for a meal, however casual, hosts should pay unless (1) clearly stated otherwise or (2) tradition in that group of sharing the cost

I think you should refund the friend who paid, but just say "misunderstanding between DH and me, but no need for you to pay". I'd be really criss if my DH said "bloody wife never listens" as a PP suggested

They were all asked to place their own order

I would not expect guests to pay unless that was explicitly mentioned on the invitation. And I would not accept money offered (unless I genuinely needed it/felt like that amount would make a real difference).

I am rather surprised (and confused) about your DH feeling that you ordering the pizza (instead of making it, organising catering) made a major difference.

Scenario 1:
Person A is hosting. Person A purchases the necessary ingredients and prepares a few dishes. Doing that required time, planning, prep-work (potentially days in advance) and obviously money.

Scenario 2:
Person B is hosting. Person B orders pizza. That required little time, hardly any planning, NO prep work. It did however cost money.

why should person B be paid by their guests when person A wouldn’t expect to be either?

When the food offered by person A required more time, resources (and probably also cost more in total)?

I feel like your DH - with his mindset - should definitely offer to pay every time he was invited to scenario 1. And probably also take the time spent cooking into account.

does he do that?

I would be very uncomfortable with his mindset if he doesn’t!
and people who previously hosted you might consider you a bit cheeky if you had asked when it wasn’t explicitly stated on the invitation… But you didn’t ask. That is therefore rather theoretical.

As your guest in this situation I wouldn't mind paying a share towards the pizza, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't mentioned upfront, as it would be quite normal for the host to treat. YANBU.

I'd expect to pay if we were all picking our own pizza off a domino's menu.

Not if the host just ordered say 1 massive meat and 1 massive veggie one

But I'd also have just bought in a few large shop pizzas for much less cost as host.

Your husband is tight. Much nicer to treat your friends than to faff about asking for pizza money.

As you chose to order pizza, you pay

In my social circle I'd assume everyone pays their portion. In my friendship circle people very rarely "host". We more like meet up ar someone's house. People bring stuff and we pay our share of take away.

I’d be paying if I was hosting, or I’d have made it very clear in the invite that it would be a shared cost.

You host, you pay, unless specifically agreed otherwise (a bring your own dish or whatever sort of situation). Ask your husband why he thinks providing guests with pizza is magically different to eg serving them a meal made with ingredients you bought at the supermarket; would he expect the guests to chip in for your supermarket shop in the latter situation??? I assume not, so why would he expect it to suddenly be otherwise if you chose to cater your social event with pizza?!

As others have said, if you invite people for food, you pay for the food and the guests bring wine or flowers or something. And a return invitation is the norm. Where others aren’t in a position to reciprocate, then they’d usually buy you a meal/coffee or something when you went out (assuming finances permitting).

Personally when I host, I provide the food free of charge. If they want booze they have to bring their own. However I have noticed a shift in the younger generation. When we're invited to their homes, they ask for a contribution to the bbq/pizza etc. So I think it's different for younger people.

You invited them over for fireworks and pizza. Of course you pay! Anyway they brought contributions. And you most certainly cannot ask people to pay after the fact.

No. You are right.

If he wanted guests to pay for the pizza he should have said that when they were invited.

We were thinking about ordering pizza if everyone's ok with chipping in - that sort of thing.

Can’t stand it when people have fireworks, however your husband is really tight to expect guests to pay for pizza that was suggested by the hosts on the invitation. Even worse if money isn’t an issue.

Good Lord your dh wants to request payment for the pizza after they’ve eaten it? Well if you don’t want to have friends go ahead. Does your husband lack social graces generally?

Please, if you want to keep your reputation as good friends and not dickheads do not listen to him and don’t send an invoice for ‘hosting’ yikes!

No, it clearly wasn't implied. You should never rely on implication for these things anyway. If you want people to pay for food when they come to yours, you need to make it perfectly clear.

You pay!

Perhaps you can send the money back to the ones who paid and say it was a misunderstanding?

You invited offered to buy pizza
Yes you pay no question .I would return the cash with a laughing hubby got that mixed up .

You pay