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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays for the pizza?

209 replies

limefrog · 05/11/2023 03:12

Me and DH hosted a few friends for fireworks last night and ordered takeaway pizza. This was part of the invite message we sent out, we said we'd be ordering pizza just before the fireworks.

My DH thinks that we should ask everyone who had pizza to pay for it.

I think that as we are hosting and they are our guests we should pay - we can afford it and it's not a very regular occurrence that we host things like this, so I just see it as treating our friends. Most of them brought some wine or cake etc to contribute anyway.

AIBU?

Or is my husband?

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 05/11/2023 04:11

If you just ordered without getting everyone’s preferences, you pay. Especially as the invite said fireworks and pizza. I also agree that you have to return the money to the friend who paid.

Original poster
limefrog · 05/11/2023 04:16

IloveJudgeJudy · 05/11/2023 04:11

If you just ordered without getting everyone’s preferences, you pay. Especially as the invite said fireworks and pizza. I also agree that you have to return the money to the friend who paid.

We did get preferences - I just passed my phone round and people added the pizza they wanted.

Tbh I feel awkward about returning the money as well now! Not sure whether to just leave it and hope they don't find out that others didn't pay. 😕I will talk to DH about it again either way, it's good to have such a unanimous answer here!

OP posts:
thishasnotmyweek · 05/11/2023 04:17

If your DH wanted people to pay then this needed to be made clear in the invitation. If it wasn't made clear, then you need to pay.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 05/11/2023 04:22

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 05/11/2023 04:03

If you don't want to provide food for your guests, don't host.

Edited

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant

nonsense.

getting everyone together for an event is a nice thing to do. You're still providing the venue. Not everyone can afford to pay for food for everyone. nothing wrong with BYO/bring a plate/split the cost of a takeaway.

the important thing is to be clear when inviting people what the plan is.

@limefrog it depends exactly how the invitation was worded.

but it's a bit of a mess & a bit late to ask friends to pay. Especially as you can afford it.

threaten DH with the rolling pin if he asks friends for money & tell him to give ut back to the one who gave him money.

momonpurpose · 05/11/2023 04:24

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 05/11/2023 03:35

Please do not let him ask for money or you will lose friends or certainly the friendships will change. What the hell is wrong with him. Friends invited over and pizza ordered so you pay. Is he always so tight and mean and just tell him to stop going on about it as it is embarrassing and as poster above said cringey.

I agree with boots. I'd be mortified. Your husband certainly hasn't read how to make friends and influence people

Wonderfulz · 05/11/2023 04:27

It’s too late now to ask for pizza money, if you were wanting to split the cost the information should have been clearly stated on the original invite ‘for those wanting to eat we will be ordering pizza on the night, please see the menu attached and let me know which order number and pop cash into my bank. My bank details are … ‘

your friends have already bought cake and wine in exchange for the evening so it’s too late to ask for cash and seems a bit mean spirited.

Wonderfulz · 05/11/2023 04:30

Yes I’d have to give the couple their money back.

Wonderfulz · 05/11/2023 04:35

We will be ordering pizza is not an invite to pay for pizza, it’s a statement about how you’re feeding everyone.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 05/11/2023 04:50

Wonderfulz · 05/11/2023 04:27

It’s too late now to ask for pizza money, if you were wanting to split the cost the information should have been clearly stated on the original invite ‘for those wanting to eat we will be ordering pizza on the night, please see the menu attached and let me know which order number and pop cash into my bank. My bank details are … ‘

your friends have already bought cake and wine in exchange for the evening so it’s too late to ask for cash and seems a bit mean spirited.

Seriously don’t put bank details on an invite for pizza that hasn’t even been ordered yet (maybe if you were getting tickets for something it would be ok). Maybe instead you could say something like ‘we plan to order pizza, will be about tenner per person’.

ShatteredPeace · 05/11/2023 04:57

Tilllly · 05/11/2023 03:42

Oh bloody hell OP, that makes it more awkward

Can you give them the money back, quietly
Make a bit of a joke about it?
"Bloody DH never listens, pizza was on us"

Exactly this.

Inyourwildestdreams · 05/11/2023 05:02

Tilllly · 05/11/2023 03:42

Oh bloody hell OP, that makes it more awkward

Can you give them the money back, quietly
Make a bit of a joke about it?
"Bloody DH never listens, pizza was on us"

@limefrog Yeah exactly what @Tilllly said!!

For no reason other than my own sheer nosiness - how much pizza are we talking here? 😂 Did DH expect to buy a couple of pizzas and instead everyone placed huge orders and you ended up with a massive bill? Or is he just being tight?

saffronsoup · 05/11/2023 05:04

I think it is a grey area when you order when everyone is already there and you ask preferences about who wants what etc.

GIven a couple friends offered, it seems some also feel that way. I don't know how many you had over in total but two out of ? offered? If there were ten friends and two offered, it seems most thought you were hosting. If there were 3 friends and two offered, then most thought it was a chip in situation

I would not want my husband going to our friends and saying Bloody wife ,she never listens, here is the money back. Seems pretty disrespectful.

I would just leave it and next time you see friend who paid, buy them an extra round.

TeaAndTattoos · 05/11/2023 05:05

I agree with you if your hosting then you pay for the food if you wanted a contribution towards to the pizza then you should put that on the invite not spring it on them afterwards that would be out of order.

dragonseal · 05/11/2023 05:06

You should pay and also it's far too late to be asking them for money now

PetsAreBetter · 05/11/2023 05:29

If you host, you pay. If you want guests to chip in, you include that information with the invitation.

I'm happy to chip in but it's better to be told about it beforehand. I once went to a party and the host was providing fairly cheap fare. Not my thing but not my budget, so happy with whatever they want to provide. A week later she approached me asking for 5 pounds to cover the cost of our food. I paid but thought she was being tight and should have made it clear from the start. I'd have paid on the day then.

InSpainTheRain · 05/11/2023 05:35

Your DH us very embarrassing! If you host you pay. Only exception is if it is clear on the invite that isn't the case.

CurlewKate · 05/11/2023 05:36

In my world, you pay unless there's a pre arrangement. But one area where Mumsnet does not reflect any other community I've ever been involved with in a loooooong life is the tally chartery. Wedding present the same value as your dinner. Don't accept a play date invitation if you can't reciprocate. Only accept a lift if you can either return the favour or give the driver an extravagant present as a thank you. Otherwise walk 4 miles in the rain along the road the driver is going anyway.....It's all very bizarre. So I suspect @limefrog 's partner is a secret mumsnetter and other posters are escapees from the real world! I did notice a couple of "bringing cake and wine to the same value" type posts to reassure me that I am actually on Mumsnet though...🤣

YireosDodeAver · 05/11/2023 05:52

Hosts pay definitely, unless the invitation was issued veru clearly like "but we can't afford to feed you so if you want to eat you'll need to chip in for pizza" - though even that would be a bit rude. Given that delivery pizza costs twice as much as supermarket pizza it would be better for the hosts to buy supermarket pizza for everyone rather than expecting guests to contribute.

LadyMacB · 05/11/2023 05:52

You should pay. I’d return whatever the friend who paid gave to you.

Johny4543 · 05/11/2023 05:54

Of course you pay. If I was invited to my friend's house for a pizza and later asked to pay for it, I would pay out courtesy but you would never see me at your house again or you in my house;) Tell your husband he needs to get his priorities right. What's more important, friendship or few pounds saved on pizza?

LizzBurg · 05/11/2023 06:03

If everyone was paying you would involve them in the ordering of the pizza and it would be made clear then. Otherwise the pizza is on you.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 05/11/2023 06:14

You should pay this this time but don’t fall into the trap of always being the ones to host and pay.

Next time be super clear (e.g. we’d like to host a pizza night. Everyone will pay for their own pizza and beer but we will cover dessert and soft drinks)

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 05/11/2023 06:24

Yes you pay. You invite you pay. Simple.

jays · 05/11/2023 06:40

limefrog · 05/11/2023 03:27

Yes I agree with this, but I think my DH feels that because we said we were ordering pizza it was implied that everyone would chip in for their own.

I don't think that was implied and it makes me very uncomfortable!

Show quote history

I agree with you, I don’t think it was implied. I’ve been worried my whole adult life about not paying my share and usually over paying due, due to childhood stuff with a very mean and control father so I’m incredibly sensitive to noticing if anyone is taking advantage, purely because I couldn’t cope if I took advantage and didn’t know. I always want to pay more than my share to ease my anxiety. Even I would think I was supposed to be chipping in for the pizzas. You’re totally in the right here.

verdantverdure · 05/11/2023 06:44

If you say in advance you will order pizza for everyone then you pay.

If on the night all of you decide to order pizza then all of you pay.