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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend this?

219 replies

amayzin · 04/11/2023 13:13

I feel guilty but here goes, someone I don’t know too well has asked us for £100 to borrow until the beginning of next month. I’ve never lent anyone money before as nobody has ever asked.

We could lend them the £100 but we are trying to save as we are TTC (our first, and possibly only) and really want to have enough behind us so I can have a comfortable mat leave etc. If they don’t pay it back then that is £100 less, selfishly!

They have 4 kids and another on the way and I hate the idea of any of them going hungry but on the other hand one of them smokes and they have a relatively new car so my gut instinct says hopefully their situation isn’t that bad and they will still be able to afford food and stuff. AIBU to not lend? I feel bad but DH says it would be a slippery slope and it might put both us and them in a difficult position, doing more harm than good

OP posts:
Jewelspun · 04/11/2023 13:14

Please don't lend the money.

Neither a lender or a borrower be.

Springingintosummer · 04/11/2023 13:14

Say no, but remind the, they can put it on a credit card!

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/11/2023 13:15

I wouldn’t. You say you don’t know them well - why did they even ask? Very odd, and frankly, cheeky. Don’t start this or they will keep asking and may stop paying it back.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 04/11/2023 13:15

I wouldn't do it. Do it once they will probably ask again.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 04/11/2023 13:16

Tell them you don’t have it at the moment. (Other commitments, etc…) You’ll never get it back.

DuploTrain · 04/11/2023 13:16

Honestly I wouldn’t.
It’ll be much easier to say no the first time than yes the first time and no the second/ third/ fourth time.

VeridicalVagabond · 04/11/2023 13:17

Nope. I think it's pretty cheeky of someone you don't know well to even ask.

I only loan money I'm happy to never see again, because you can never guarantee someone will pay you back.

murasaki · 04/11/2023 13:17

Not knowing them too well is key here for me. I lent money to my best mate of 15 years after ascertaining exactly why it was needed, and she paid it back earlier than we'd agreed. I always knew I'd get it back and it was a one off for a specific situation that couldn't have been foreseen by her. For general living costs, I'd have been dubious, as I know her salary,.rent etc, and for someone I didn't know enough to trust them with my life, no way.

Nannyfannybanny · 04/11/2023 13:17

Don't! I have lent to friends and family it got very awkward!!

2jacqi · 04/11/2023 13:17

no no no!! they wont pay it back! neither a borrower nor a lender be!! this is only the beginning of the month!!!!

Piffle11 · 04/11/2023 13:17

I think the fact that you don’t know them that well speaks volumes… They may think they are going to be able to just basically avoid/ignore you and not pay it back. I’d say no, and I wouldn’t really give any explanation. If asked why not, I would just say that you don’t lend money to anyone. Make excuses and chances are they’ll ask again.

murasaki · 04/11/2023 13:18

Good point re beginning of the month.

willingtolearn · 04/11/2023 13:18

No - you don't have it spare
No - you need the money for your family
No - lending money leads to conflict
No - you don't have that sort of relationship
No - you don't trust they need it or will use it wisely
No - you simply don't want to

FayCarew · 04/11/2023 13:18

You are highly unlikely to get it back.
If you ask for it back, they'll probably never speak to you again.

If you lend once, you'll be asked again.

AhNowTed · 04/11/2023 13:19

Speaking from experience...

You don't know them that well.

This means they've ALREADY been through a long list of friends and family and have likely burned a lot of bridges.

Think about it - why would they be asking YOU?

Lucanus · 04/11/2023 13:19

Just say no. Don't start going into explanations etc. They're probably asking you because they've run out of goodwill among their closer friends and family.

LoveStHelier · 04/11/2023 13:20

Another no here. If they are cheeky enough to ask then you can say no.

SM4713 · 04/11/2023 13:20

NO!!!

Just roll the £100 worth of notes up, and set fire to them- because that is exactly what they are doing with their cash!

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 04/11/2023 13:21

The beginning of next month is 4 weeks away. Does this indicate that they've just been paid but run out already? Have they told you (a) why they need this money? (b) why they decided to ask you for it, instead of someone else?

If I discover that someone's struggling financially, I tend to sign-post them towards support services that might might find useful (whether that's vouchers towards fuel costs, cheap food, free stuff, budgeting advice, other help that exists locally...) rather than giving them money.

£100 is a lot to lose (well it would be for me). And there's no guarantee they'll be in a position to pay you back in full in a month's time (whatever their intentions), which would then impact on your relationship with them.

Jasmin1971 · 04/11/2023 13:21

Offer a couple of homemade meals instead. You are setting yourself up for a load of hassle if you hand over the money. Just tell them you would be leaving yourself and your own family short if you were to lend the money.

Original poster
amayzin · 04/11/2023 13:23

Jasmin1971 · 04/11/2023 13:21

Offer a couple of homemade meals instead. You are setting yourself up for a load of hassle if you hand over the money. Just tell them you would be leaving yourself and your own family short if you were to lend the money.

I like this idea. Thank you

OP posts:
listsandbudgets · 04/11/2023 13:25

Please don't. You obviously expect that you'll be needing the money yourself and you clearly don't trust they'll pay you back. Those alone are good enough reasons to just tell them sorry I can't help (or just No!!)

If they were knocking at your door late late night with an obviously ill child asking for taxi money to take them to A&E or asking you to buy them a basic food shop so the kids can have dinner before they go to the food bank tomorrow it would be a different matter. You'd know you probably wouldn't get it back but you'd understand why they needed it.

Also you don't know them that well... that implies they've worked their way through those they do know and almost certainly not paid them back or messed about taking ages about it

Floralnomad · 04/11/2023 13:25

Absolutely not just tell them you can’t afford it irrespective of whether that is true or not .

LakeTiticaca · 04/11/2023 13:39

Never a lender nor a borrower be was my Dad's favourite line and he was spot on

Gillypie23 · 04/11/2023 13:46

No don't give it to them.