To not lend this?

[amayzin]

I feel guilty but here goes, someone I don’t know too well has asked us for £100 to borrow until the beginning of next month. I’ve never lent anyone money before as nobody has ever asked.

We could lend them the £100 but we are trying to save as we are TTC (our first, and possibly only) and really want to have enough behind us so I can have a comfortable mat leave etc. If they don’t pay it back then that is £100 less, selfishly!

They have 4 kids and another on the way and I hate the idea of any of them going hungry but on the other hand one of them smokes and they have a relatively new car so my gut instinct says hopefully their situation isn’t that bad and they will still be able to afford food and stuff. AIBU to not lend? I feel bad but DH says it would be a slippery slope and it might put both us and them in a difficult position, doing more harm than good

You don't even know them.

The reason they are asking you is because they have asked everyone else and nobody's lent it to them. That will probably be because they don't pay anything back.

I wouldn't lend a penny to someone who smokes, anyway - they're prioritising that over food.

You say they have come to you to ask to borrow money even though you don’t know them well. I wonder if this is because closer friends have already refused because they know what they are like or because they won’t be repaid.

I think your husband is right and if you say yes you will be seen as being a soft touch. Most people do not go round asking acquaintances for cash so a definite red flag.

Deciding to offer judgment on their lifestyle and family planning is totally out of order

As soon as they push for a loan giving them financial advice is perfectly acceptable. The added benefit is they will probably never ask for money or even speak to you again.

Only lend money to people if you have no expectations or desire of ever getting it back. And you won't be annoyed or angry when they don't pay it back.

Considering you are trying to save and you don't really know these people the answer to lending them is obviously no.

Of course it isn't 🙄

You can say no.

You are not asked for your opinion on their lifestyle or choices

How unpleasant an attitude.

Some years ago I loaned a friend nearly £500, I'd had a bit of a windfall, and I got all the promises to pay it back in installments, on her payday every month, I couldn't really afford to lend that money, but was taken in by the sob stories.

I would get a tenner here and there, and when I started to chase it up a bit she more or less stopped speaking to me. It's only been this year that the full amount has been paid back. I'd kind of written it off, learned my lesson about lending anyone money.

I got an envelope through my door, with just a note saying "Here, it's paid back now"!

I have nothing to do with her anymore.

You are not asked for your opinion on their lifestyle or choices. How unpleasant an attitude

You are completely missing the point. What they want to hear and what they need to hear are different things.

But as I previously said above. I would only resort to this is they pushed the loan issue. Should they accept a "no" and leave it at that, then I would not comment on their lifestyle. But in my experience people asking borderline strangers for a loan never listen to the first answer.

They keep having kids with another on the way yet they can't afford to feed the ones they already have? And they puff away a massive amount of their money? Not a chance I'd be lending a penny. They can claim for an advance on their universal credit.

Ah, fair enough. You didn't make that clear - sure, if they kept pushing, I think you could say something.

However, I still don't think that should be a commentary on their lifestyle. They don't 'need' it. It will have no effect whatsoever & it is simply not your place to judge.

It's just 'no' and a firmer 'no' if needed.

And while I don't mean in this case, believe me when I say it is very possible to be unaware of the extent and reasons for someone's financial difficulties.

Just say " No, you don't have it"
Don't feel guilty It's your hard worked for money

Never in a million years. Me and DH had an inheritance about 7 years ago - £35,000 between us - from an aunt. He can't keep anything to himself, and just HAD to blab to people at work about it. Suddenly two colleagues, (one male and one female,) had money problems. One wanted to borrow £1250, and the other £3,000!

He was actually considering it, and said 'well ... we have had this money given to us, so it's no hardship...' And I vetoed it. 'No WAY!' I said. Luckily we share finances and he couldn't give anything to them without my say-so. But yeah, I would never ever EVER lend anyone any money. And I would not borrow any money either. (Only from a bank!)

We have lent money in the past, (23-25 years ago - nearly £400,) and we never got it back. Would have been about £750-£800 in today's money. Once bitten and all that.

Say no, but remind the, they can put it on a credit card!
The assumption on MN that everyone has a CC

You are their new/latest ‘sucker’.

The ‘we need to feed our four kids and pregnant mum’ emotional blackmail is all part of it.

Totally agree with others saying they are asking you as everyone else has wised up to them. You won’t see the money again. And they won’t appreciate it.

New cars, petrol, smoking and children are all very expensive things. They don’t just magically appear in your life. These guys know exactly what they’re doing!

Nope.

The smoker isn't going without; not your problem to sort.

in modern times, its tricky, if you lend and they take ages to repay or you lend and then they think they can keep borrowing, part of the problem with a capitalist society.

Just tell them your money is in a non accessible savings account for your ttc. Ask them if there is any other way you can help like food etc. I have loads of tins of food in the garage ready for my DS to take back with him to Uni after Xmas. If someone I knew was hungry I would give them some. Money, probably not unless it was a close friend and even then I’m not sure as my financial priorities differ from many of my friends and this is the reason I would struggle to lend them money but always happy to feed them and share a bottle of wine.

Don't lend. "Sorry, I can't lend you the money." Slippery slope.

No way - they don’t know you well. That suggests they’ve already gone through family and close friends to get to you. You will 100% not see that money again.

Agree

If you lend it they will keep asking you in future and I doubt you would get it back.

Do not lend them money. It’s as simple as that.

If you're not that close then they must have asked others before you and either owe several people now (so you won't see it again if you say yes) or they all said no, and presumably had good reason for doing so (so you won't see it again if you say yes).

This. I have lent people money in the past and will never, ever do it again. It ALWAYS turns sour and the irony is-you end up feeling like the bad guy having to remind them to pay it back. Its just not worth it. If they can afford cigs, they can certainly afford food FFS

However, I still don't think that should be a commentary on their lifestyle. They don't 'need' it. It will have no effect whatsoever & it is simply notyour place to judge

Completely disagree with this. If you are asking people for money then they have a right to make a judgement about it. Eg supposing someone asked you to lend them 3k for a designer handbag- you would then make a judgement whether you felt it was justified to lend them that or not. Most people would judge that they wouldnt lend such an amount based on that. There is nothing wrong with using judgement if someone is asking you to literally over your cash. We use our judgment to make sensible decisions all the time, why on earth should this be any different.

That's not the same.

Of course someone should use judgment to decide if they want to lend the money or not.

They have no right at all to judge the lifestyle or family choices of the individual or family, much less decide to air their views. It's simply none of their business.