To not lend this?

[amayzin]

I feel guilty but here goes, someone I don’t know too well has asked us for £100 to borrow until the beginning of next month. I’ve never lent anyone money before as nobody has ever asked.

We could lend them the £100 but we are trying to save as we are TTC (our first, and possibly only) and really want to have enough behind us so I can have a comfortable mat leave etc. If they don’t pay it back then that is £100 less, selfishly!

They have 4 kids and another on the way and I hate the idea of any of them going hungry but on the other hand one of them smokes and they have a relatively new car so my gut instinct says hopefully their situation isn’t that bad and they will still be able to afford food and stuff. AIBU to not lend? I feel bad but DH says it would be a slippery slope and it might put both us and them in a difficult position, doing more harm than good

Don't lend it if you can't afford it.
This reminds me of my SIL a few years ago asked us to lend her money so she could buy milk, bread and dog food. We bought the said items and popped round to see her - she wanted the money for cigarettes!!!
I'd help anyone out if they need it - but not with cash!!

Then just say no!

Similarly, one of DP's family members is like this. They have barely any necessary outgoings and a good wage, but fritter it away, usually very soon after being paid. They will, however, still frame it as they really need the money and how thoughtless you are if you don't help. Luckily we've always said no but other family members have been stung - they would call to say "X is doing the rounds asking for money - don't pick up, or say no!"
We've always said if it's a case of them not being able to afford essentials we'd happily buy them a food shop, but no cash.

No one asks random friends for money instead of close friends and family.

Unless they have already tapped the close ones out.

Absolutely do NOT lend them anything. Why the fuck would you lend money to people you barely even know?

You would be a mug to fall for this, your DH is totally right. You'd never see the money again but they would definitely come begging to you again when they have next run out and smoked / drunk their way through their pay packet in a couple of days.

Just say a very firm no!

Ask yourself why someone you "don't know very well" would request this in the first place, when presumably they'll have closer people to ask

You'll quickly realise there must be a good reason for this, and that the reason's almost certainly because they've run out of credit withn their nearest and dearest

So obviously you say no

If you don't know them well then it's best to assume they're asking you because nobody they do know well will lend them any more money. Probably because they don't get it back.

No! Absolutely don't do it. You only lend money to people if you are ok to lose it. You do it with the assumption, that you aren't going to see it again. Then it's a pleasant surprise when/if you do get it back.
If you can afford to lose it and it won't bother you to never see it again, then do it. But most of us don't really feel that way. That goes for anything that people lend out.

If they have asked someone they barely know it is is probably because they have burnt their bridges already with people they do know and you will be the last to be paid back.

Say you only lend money to close family.

Don’t do it.
I did lend £100 once to a friend. They did pay it back eventually but not when they said they would. The next time it was a request for £150. I refused. Result no friendship.

Their children won't be going hungry. I'd bet a matching £100 on that - they're using the 'But we've got FOUR CHILDREN' beg.

It's fag money they're after.

Personally I bc wouldn’t lend money to anyone other than family. Only an amount that I could afford not to be returned.

I probably would but remind them that you need it back asap as it’s coming out of your Christmas fund, If they are struggling with money at this time of year which is coming up to Christmas and expensive you may not see it till next year.
I would also mention that you have very little savings as all excess cash goes into …..make up something….mortgage overpayments etc etc

If they’re asking people they don’t know very well then they’ve clearly been turned down by other people for the loan. That would suggest to me that they have a history of not repaying money. Don’t lend to them. The smoker can go without fags for a bit if they’re that desperate.

just explain that you do not have the £100 to lend

maybe they could sell on vinted etc to make some extra money?

£100 is a lot of money if you don't have a lot to start with

No. They shouldn't have asked. Unless you are not bothered whether you are paid back say no.if you agree they will be back for more.

@amayzin

Don't lend money especially to people you don't know well. Getting money back from people who've already spent it, and therefore have benefited from your kindness, can make things awkward as people often resent being asked to pay it back. After all, you must be financially better off than them if you can afford to lend, so why should they pay you back?... 🌹

Buy them a box of condoms.

In what context do you know them then?

Personally unless I was a millionaire or had unlimited funds, which sadly I am not, I would not lend them the money.

I would have a discussion with them about how they are struggling and are there other ways you could help them out which doesn't involve money?

If someone you don't know very well asks you to lend them money, it's because they've worked their way through all their friends and family and failed to pay them back.

I wouldn't do it. I lent someone £100 and had to message all their friends to get them to feel bad enough to pay back half. Or at least, it was meant to be half, but they only gave me £40 when they met up with me! All the while, spending money on their child, new bike, days out, etc, on social media. WHERE'S MY MONEY?! Had to chalk it up to experience.

I suggest you just say "No". If they are CFs (which appears to be the case), they will treat any kind of explanation, offer of free food, or advice as a basis for negotiation and they will keep asking, or try to make you feel guilty.

You have no obligation to give them anything, so don't. If you've got £100 spare, buy something nice for your family.

If you feel uncomfortable giving a blank refusal, do as others have suggested and tell them that you were brought up never to borrow or lend money, even from/to close friends and family.

Offer to buy them a bag of groceries? Say it’s because you know they’ll pay you back (but you also know they probably won’t).

If the children are hungry they can go to a foodbank. They have four kids and one on he way and your are saving for your first.

Just say, I have not got £100 to lend. You don;t need to apologist or explain.

I have not got £100 to lend.

I hate being asked. An ex colleague asked me last year, I did borrow her money but I wasn’t comfortable. She did pay me back straight away on pay day without me reminding but I do hate being asked. As like you I feel bad saying no, but it’s probably best to say no