To not lend this?

[amayzin]

I feel guilty but here goes, someone I don’t know too well has asked us for £100 to borrow until the beginning of next month. I’ve never lent anyone money before as nobody has ever asked.

We could lend them the £100 but we are trying to save as we are TTC (our first, and possibly only) and really want to have enough behind us so I can have a comfortable mat leave etc. If they don’t pay it back then that is £100 less, selfishly!

They have 4 kids and another on the way and I hate the idea of any of them going hungry but on the other hand one of them smokes and they have a relatively new car so my gut instinct says hopefully their situation isn’t that bad and they will still be able to afford food and stuff. AIBU to not lend? I feel bad but DH says it would be a slippery slope and it might put both us and them in a difficult position, doing more harm than good

Making a value judgment on their choices, forming an opinion on this & thinking you can offer your views on these choices - no and unpleasant (and of course banks don't do this! Unless they've been specifically asked for financial advice)

I think you need to agree to disagree with a few people on here.

If they do not want an opinion then they should not put their self in the position to get one.

No not everyone is lying.

I'm not saying I've never judged anyone. But I try not to.

I can appraise a situation & my own involvement in it. But I'm very aware that people's situations & lives are complex, and we don't always understand what's going on. (Not least as I've had very difficult times myself, following an abusive marriage).

I'd hate to be the kind of person who thinks judging others is normal and anyone saying otherwise is lying.

Nope.

Judgment is pejorative - negatively assessing a situation and attaching a value interpretation to it.

Making a decision based on facts is just that, really. It doesn't involve a moral assessment.

I can certainly disagree - and accept that others have different viewpoints.

I will never agree that others deserve a judgmental viewpoint foisted on them, regardless of the cheekiness of asking inappropriately for a loan.

I wouldn’t lend it. I lent 2 different close friends £900 and £3k once.. I put it all in writing etc with the repayment date… but on both occasions I had to chase and chase for weeks after the end date. Never again will I be that stupid and naive

Thanks @Startagainjanuary. It’s been a long time since I was sitting my GCSE’s. As you say, they know perfectly well what it is I’m communicating. If it makes them feel superior for a few moments then they’ve clearly got quite a sad life.

I'd hate to be the kind of person who thinks judging others is normal and anyone saying otherwise is lying.

The irony.

Making a decision based on facts is just that, really. It doesn't involve a moral assessment.

Still a form of judgement. Your weasel words don’t change that.

Oh go away 🙄

What's 'ironic' about expressing a view? I was saying that I wouldn't wish to view people & the world in this way. You are free to do what you wish.

And 'weasel words'? Any reason you need to be so offensive?

Never lend what you can't afford to lose.
You'll never see it again
If you want to help - Gift it.
If not , don't.

If you're the one with the money, you can judge and assess as much as you like. After all, banks do.

No. Do not do it.

Don't do it - lending money never ends well.

Looks like they'll have to lay off the ciggies for a week or two.

They have no right at all to judge the lifestyle or family choices of the individual or family, much less decide to air their views. It's simply none of their business.

Oh yes they do if these people are expecting a loan.

Direct them to too good to go.

I’m also in the ‘don’t’ camp. A friend of a friend asked to borrow £20 from me, I was a bit 🤨 but I could afford to lose it. After I did, our mutual friend found out and was furious with the other friend - apparently they’d gone through so many people begging and they’d instantly latched on to me as their new mark. I was hoping they were wrong but every couple of weeks I got a text for more, I now fully ignore them. The texts became more desperate as well, full of ‘woe is me’ but it would never have stopped if I didn’t ignore it. It’s awful being without, god knows I’ve been there but you also can’t expect those around you to fix it.

Very cheeky of them to ask when they hardly know you. Plus if they can afford to smoke they can afford to feed their many children. They should get their priorities right.

It's rarely ever just the once...

People who already have 4 kids they can’t afford, and then decide to add a 5th, are very, very irresponsible. They are setting themselves and their offspring up for hardscrabble lives of deprivation and lack of opportunities. And recognizing that is neither judgey nor snide.

It’s not a good idea to lend money. It’s unlikely you will get it back (though not impossible, of course). Unless you are prepared to accept that it’s highly unlikely you’ll get it back, then don’t lend it.

Just say a simple 'no I'm afraid we can't afford to.' Chances are you won't get it back. Cigarettes are about £10 a pack now and as an ex smoker myself I know its easy to smoke 20 a day. One week of not smoking would give them £70. And the fact you don't know them that well makes it strange they would ask you. Unless they've asked other people and they've all said no...probably for a good reason.

No because once you do it, they're going to keep asking you. Just say, "Sorry I'm skint too. Do you need some food? Can send some bread, milk and tins?"

No, she can go to the pawn shop with a ring

Simply... No. Not now , not ever.No need for justication either