To not lend this?

[amayzin]

I feel guilty but here goes, someone I don’t know too well has asked us for £100 to borrow until the beginning of next month. I’ve never lent anyone money before as nobody has ever asked.

We could lend them the £100 but we are trying to save as we are TTC (our first, and possibly only) and really want to have enough behind us so I can have a comfortable mat leave etc. If they don’t pay it back then that is £100 less, selfishly!

They have 4 kids and another on the way and I hate the idea of any of them going hungry but on the other hand one of them smokes and they have a relatively new car so my gut instinct says hopefully their situation isn’t that bad and they will still be able to afford food and stuff. AIBU to not lend? I feel bad but DH says it would be a slippery slope and it might put both us and them in a difficult position, doing more harm than good

I wouldn't purely because they smoke. Might be on my moral high ground, but feed your kids before your habit.

A simple 'No, I/we do not lend money to anyone' should suffice.

Making excuses gives them the chance to argue it.

4 kids and another on the way, and they have the nerve to ask for money? Just say NO!!

If you can get a match and set fire to £100 then yes, go ahead and give it because you will never see this money again.

Ive fallen for the sob stories before a long time ago when I first came into a lot of money.
Looking back both people were smokers / addicted to alcohol
One paid money back ( major surprise ) and one never. Always excuses about bank locked card, wages were not paid etc etc

These people are professional borrowers ( takers ) and when you say "no" they ALWAYS manage to tap someone else or sought out their problem.

I dont associate anymore with potential borrowers like this. My daughter in law has been asked by her ( smoking) friend for the odd £20 here and there. Its a firm no. No excuses, just a no !

Well, thanks for that explanation. I'd never have understood the phrase otherwise. .

No, no, no, no, no.

Tell them to stop smoking for a couple of weeks and to stop having kids they can't afford (in your head, of course, not to their face). I've just looked and 20 cigs are over £11.00 a packet.

Just no.

No, sorry. I can't afford that.

I also agree that OP should not feel pressurised to lend money to someone she doesn't know well (or anyone).

However, the snide, judgey comments like this, about their family size & smoking, are unwarranted. (I don't smoke). Life is complicated & people can be under financial pressure for all sorts of reasons.

Do not lend them money. They are probably asking you because they have exhausted closer friends and family by already borrowing from them. Four children and a fifth on the way suggests they need to take control of their lives and stopping relying on charity.

I'm less inclined to lend someone £100 than if they said they were struggling for food and could they borrow £20.

I think you're right not to lend it.

Someone you don't know well has asked outright for that much cash? Suspect because everyone they do know well has been asked and has declined.

Lending does not help them. They need to learn that their financial situation is not sustainable. 4 kids with another on the way and a new car? The kindest thing you can do is politely refuse to lend them money. Eventually the penny might drop that they need to reduce their outgoings to fit their incomings.

If they pushed me for a loan I would be extremely comfortable suggesting that they might not need the loan if they laid off the smoking.

If it makes it easier tell them you do not have the money. But giving them the home truths is what they really need.

You don’t know them that well and they have asked for £100? Why you?

I think I'd be tempted to say you don't lend to anyone anymore as you've been badly burned by people not paying back in the past.

It's just not a good idea.

I wouldn't, soley because they are wasting money on cigarettes.

Or they've already lent in the past and not had it returned!

If you lend presume you won't get it back and if you do it's a bonus. With that in mind from what you've said I wouldn't.

But giving them the home truths is what they really need.

Is it really???

Don't be so ridiculous. Saying no is completely fine (and sensible in this case).

Deciding to offer judgment on their lifestyle and family planning is totally out of order.

You may well be correct - but they don't need 'home truths' & it's unlikely they'd listen or take action on that basis.

say we aren’t in the position to do that but they are welcome to come for a meal - trust me they won’t take you up! X

Hmm this sounds very much like a family I know. Exactly the same circumstances. The guy bleeds his mother dry and turns up at the supermarket when he knows his mum is shopping with his offspring trailing behind in the hope of a bit of a scrounge. Talks about needing to use food banks but I suspect it's just to get financial sympathy. Doesn't stop to think about child number 5 or getting a puppy. You're not in a town beginning with A are you?

Give them a swerve otherwise they will keep coming. Never lend money that you can't afford to not get back.

Just say no, you don't lend out money.
If you want to offer some homemade meals that's more than generous but don't give her any wiggle room to argue her case because if she is a cheeky fucker she will try to make you feel guilty.

Do not lend money. Give money if a situation truly warrants the gift and you can afford to give.

Also think rationally for a minute. Their children should not be at risk of hunger or deprivation if you don’t lend this money.

Just looked up the average price of a pack of cigarettes is 12.61. 100 would buy you 7.93 packs, let’s call that 8 to make things easier. 8 packs x 20 cigarettes per pack = 160 cigarettes. 30 days in a month, that is 5.33 cigarettes per day.

All they have to do to come up with the money themselves is drop 5-6 cigarettes a day. Should they do that or should you be stressed about getting your money back?

No I wouldn't lend money to someone who keeps having more kids and can't afford the ones they have either.
It's different if it was an emergency say there house set on fire or had to get to hospital but otherwise nope.

I wouldn't. I occasionally lend my best friend money and she never pays back on time, and has treated a bf to days and meals out and presents before prioritising repaying me. She does always pay me back. But once it was almost a year later! Only lend out what your happy to never get back