To not lend this?

[amayzin]

I feel guilty but here goes, someone I don’t know too well has asked us for £100 to borrow until the beginning of next month. I’ve never lent anyone money before as nobody has ever asked.

We could lend them the £100 but we are trying to save as we are TTC (our first, and possibly only) and really want to have enough behind us so I can have a comfortable mat leave etc. If they don’t pay it back then that is £100 less, selfishly!

They have 4 kids and another on the way and I hate the idea of any of them going hungry but on the other hand one of them smokes and they have a relatively new car so my gut instinct says hopefully their situation isn’t that bad and they will still be able to afford food and stuff. AIBU to not lend? I feel bad but DH says it would be a slippery slope and it might put both us and them in a difficult position, doing more harm than good

I lent someone £20 over 20 years ago and they never paid me back and it still bothers me- and I (thought) I knew her very well(!)

another friend asked me to lend her money ,(I made excuses and didn’t lend her any) many years later I found out she intended to run away and start up life again which left me gobsmacked - so she probably had no intention on repaying me.

another person I hardly knew kept coming round wouldn’t leave me alone, eventually asked if I could lend her money (after spending many weeks telling me sob stories) I said how much did she need and she replied how much can you lend? 🤔 I found out later she did this a lot and actual had a lot of capital. I’m still annoyed I gave her really nice baby equipment that I had intended to sell myself.

i have had others ask me for money too.
I still have no idea why I am asked. I don’t “display” money eg no flashy clothes/ home car etc (because I don’t have it) so idk why I am asked so much. 🤔

someone wise said to me “only ever lend money you are happy not to get back.”

If it wouldn’t bother you not getting it back - lend it. If it would bother you not being paid back - don’t lend it.

I owe a relative money but we have a legal arrangement so if I decided to not repay - they can get their money back via other legal means if necessary.

As all the others said

No

If they smoke they will find money for that every few days but won't pay you back

Just say no. Don’t make excuses. Your finances are none of their business.

Never loan money it breaks friendship’s & causes rows between family members it a golden rule that should never be broken no matter how dire they say their circumstances are.
if however you can help by buying some groceries or paying for something they need tgats a bit different but don’t loan cash out to anyone xx

It’s never a good idea to loan money to anyone, it can cause tension between you if circumstances get in way of them paying you back. Any grown up who needs to borrow £100 can stick it on their back overdraft or credit card, saving their dignity by not having to ask acquaintances - if they are not financially viable enough to do that then you risk not getting your money back.

Ditto.

I wouldn't lend the money, this person is not someone you know well, you have no guarantee they'll pay you back and if you lend once, they may end up expecting it again and again. That being said though I do not lend others money as I've seen how sour it can become.

Never lend what you can't afford to give. You can't spare to never see this debt repaid so please do not lend it

Don't lend it unless you don't mind never getting it back. Because you won't.

Don't do it!
You are kindhearted but I'm afraid they will take advantage of that

Hell no! What a cheek of them to even ask and put you in this awkward position! How many other people have they asked and they’ve all said no, or have they said yes and they’re getting loads of money!
whether you need the money or not has nothing to do with it and you don’t have to give them a reason!

And to add I have no sympathy for people who choose to have so many children. It’s daft in this day and age. And being a parent to so many and smoking is completely selfish behaviour

Are you bloody serious? Don’t lend money to anyone and especially not someone you don’t know that well. Don’t be silly!

I had this same situation happen last night! For a lot more money tho. We don't have that sort of money so we're able to say no without qualms, but would we if we did? We were surprised to be asked as we don't know the person well at all which made me think they must be desperate. I felt really bad and quite guilty until I read all these replies, now I don't!! So thank you MN!

Best way to end a friendship. If they dont pay you back and you have to ask you are seen as the bad guy. I lent a very good friend £500 four years ago, I never got it back and was made to feel terrible because I asked for it back. I still dont have the £500 or the friend.

I understand you are worried the children might get hungry. You could bring them a casserole or a kettle of soup once in a while - don't make it a daily or even weekly habit. I'm pretty sure they need a continuous flow of £100 "loans", otherwise they wouldn't ask you, being not really close or anything. Maybe they ask around? Yes they probably are low on cash and maybe they always will be? So no, don't loan them the money.

Never lend anything you can’t afford to lose!

A friend asked to borrow money from me years ago, promised to pay it back on pay day. No problem. Lent the money. Then the requests came every month without fail. I guess it got easier to ask.
I then found out that I was just the next person in the line of friends being asked. The requests still come 7 years later, even though I stopped being able to lend years ago and have explained as much.

I have loaned money in the past to a couple of different friends.
Both times I had to ask for it back several months after they promised to pay.
Tbh I always loaned it knowing I would be lucky to see it again and didn't enjoy having to ask for it to be repaid, but I had financial issues myself.

I'm sure your friends must be in pretty dire circs (whatever their perceived income) to be asking anyone for money, but its not the answer to their problems and they need to get help.
I'd recommend Stepchange, it's not the only solution, but it's a safe one and I've never known anyone be worse off for contacting them.

Of you feel bad, maybe give your friends £20 as a gift, with the offer of free meals, if they are in genuine hardship, they'll be grateful and repay it when they can.

Oh just to add, I ended up also loaning money to relative of a friend I loaned to, the daughter did not repay. I will never forget, but I don't mention it to her mother.