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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I overly kind or is this normal behaviour

208 replies

sellingupslow · 29/10/2023 12:34

Just came back from pumpkin picking with DC3.

Parking was a muddy field type, parked where I was told.

When leaving, I got seriously stuck in the mud. Tractor came to assist. I had to screw in a tow bar thing (attached) so that the tractor could pull me out. Managed, all ok and he tried pulling me out forward, didn't work, so asked me to unscrew and put in on the back of the car so he could pull me out backwards.

Farmer was turning his tractor around so I was trying by myself to unscrew but I couldn't.

I proceeded to ask a passer by who was on his way to the pumpkin patch

Me- "excuse me, don't suppose you could try giving me a hand, I need to unscrew this so the tractor can get me out the mud" (all said with a smile and in a kind polite tone

Him- stares at me and continues walking away

Me - "I'm just struggling to get it out myself and wondered if you might be able to"

Him - "what exactly do you want me to do, if you can't get it out, why should I" and walks away completely.

He was with his partner/wife and daughter (maybe 7/8). AIBU to feel sad that this is the example he was setting his daughter or is that how most people would have reacted?

I know he had no obligation to help and was well within his right to not help, but if it were me and I simply didn't WANT to help, I would have made up some excuse 'sorry I hurt my hand and don't think I'll be much help' so I didn't look rude!

Am I overly kind or is this normal behaviour
OP posts:
tiredofbeingadmired · 29/10/2023 12:36

Nope he was behaving like a wanker. Not normal.

Dacadactyl · 29/10/2023 12:36

What an ABSOLUTE twat. No you're not overly kind, just a normal decent person.

If my husband had acted like that to someone I'd have been mortified and gone over myself to help.

Conkersinautumn · 29/10/2023 12:37

How weird of him I think, yes, MOST would try to help.

WaltzingWaters · 29/10/2023 12:38

No he sounds like a complete dick. I’d be so ashamed if that were my DH.

DustyLee123 · 29/10/2023 12:38

What a tosser. Hope he doesn’t treat his lady and child like that.

CuppaRosie · 29/10/2023 12:38

Twat.

I like to think most people would’ve stopped to give you a hand. I would’ve. Two heads sometimes better than one.

shardash · 29/10/2023 12:38

Well he was a shithead, wasn't he? Even if he didn't want to get his hands dirty and said sorry no, can't help, there was no need for him to be so brusque.

But this is Mumsnet so there will be plenty of people along in a minute to say how come you asked the man and not the woman, and why did you need a man's help anyway.

BerriesNutsConkers · 29/10/2023 12:38

He was being mean-spirited!
I hope when he needs help one day that others treat him the same way.

fluffypotatoes · 29/10/2023 12:40

I'd cut him some slack as he could have been having a bad day but no. "Normal" behaviour is to say "no, sorry I won't be able to help"

JMSA · 29/10/2023 12:40

Horrible man.

ohtowinthelottery · 29/10/2023 12:40

No most people wouldn't have responded like that. And I think that's called a towing eye (at least that's what they call them at the music festival I go to every year!)

Itsallsostressful · 29/10/2023 12:41

He's a dick !!! I would hope must people wouldnt react like this I had a tyre 'situation' a few months back and the amount of people who offered/tried to help really warmed my wee heart .

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 12:42

He’s a rude twat.

I would have told him so.

shardash · 29/10/2023 12:42

fluffypotatoes · 29/10/2023 12:40

I'd cut him some slack as he could have been having a bad day but no. "Normal" behaviour is to say "no, sorry I won't be able to help"

Having a bad day is no excuse for appalling rudeness and bad manners, is it?

Dramatic · 29/10/2023 12:44

What an awful man! I'd always try to help someone if they asked me, even if I knew I might not be much help.

Original poster
sellingupslow · 29/10/2023 12:44

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 12:42

He’s a rude twat.

I would have told him so.

I wanted to, but I also appreciate that he didn't HAVE to help me.

But yes, if my DH behaved like that I would have been ashamed and at least offered to help myself.

Some strange people around

OP posts:
Dramatic · 29/10/2023 12:44

Also when you said you were stuck I was picturing you stood waist deep in mud and having to be pulled out with a tractor 😂

VeridicalVagabond · 29/10/2023 12:47

fluffypotatoes · 29/10/2023 12:40

I'd cut him some slack as he could have been having a bad day but no. "Normal" behaviour is to say "no, sorry I won't be able to help"

Since when was having a bad day an excuse for being a cunt?

He was rude and nasty OP, any normal person would've helped you or at least been polite in saying no. Christ even just ignoring you would've been less rude. I'd be so embarrassed if my husband behaved like this.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 29/10/2023 12:49

Definitely not normal behaviour. If he really didn't want to he should have just lied and said he couldn't for some reason. The rudeness wasn't just his decline it was the way he spoke to you

Don't let this get you down OP! You just met the 1 in 1000 dicks out there. Most men I find are extremely helpful in this kind of situation

margotrose · 29/10/2023 12:50

fluffypotatoes · 29/10/2023 12:40

I'd cut him some slack as he could have been having a bad day but no. "Normal" behaviour is to say "no, sorry I won't be able to help"

Having a bad day isn't an excuse to be a dick.

Loubelle70 · 29/10/2023 12:52

Dacadactyl · 29/10/2023 12:36

What an ABSOLUTE twat. No you're not overly kind, just a normal decent person.

If my husband had acted like that to someone I'd have been mortified and gone over myself to help.

This.
If i had one lol ..if my OH was this rude i wouldn't be with him. How you treat others in distress shows who you are. I would tell him to get out the way and try to help myself. Its not you OP..He was just an arse

PegasusReturns · 29/10/2023 12:53

He was a rude twat and I’d have told him. Or said to the wife “since your DH doesn’t want to get his hands dirty perhaps you could help me out”.

people deserve to be called out for their rude behaviour.

Loubelle70 · 29/10/2023 12:53

margotrose · 29/10/2023 12:50

Having a bad day isn't an excuse to be a dick.

Show quote history

Ive had bad days...but id never be this rude...even on my worst days. He could have just said im sorry i cant.

Bendysnap · 29/10/2023 12:54

Not normal behaviour. if there was any extenuating factors (eg I have arthritic hands so would have been no use to you ) a simple polite “sorry I can’t” would have sufficed.

Nonentity2023 · 29/10/2023 12:56

He was rude, but I’m wondering why the farmer didn’t assist you further when it was obvious you were struggling, rather than another customer.