Am I overly kind or is this normal behaviour

[sellingupslow]

Just came back from pumpkin picking with DC3.

Parking was a muddy field type, parked where I was told.

When leaving, I got seriously stuck in the mud. Tractor came to assist. I had to screw in a tow bar thing (attached) so that the tractor could pull me out. Managed, all ok and he tried pulling me out forward, didn't work, so asked me to unscrew and put in on the back of the car so he could pull me out backwards.

Farmer was turning his tractor around so I was trying by myself to unscrew but I couldn't.

I proceeded to ask a passer by who was on his way to the pumpkin patch

Me- "excuse me, don't suppose you could try giving me a hand, I need to unscrew this so the tractor can get me out the mud" (all said with a smile and in a kind polite tone

Him- stares at me and continues walking away

Me - "I'm just struggling to get it out myself and wondered if you might be able to"

Him - "what exactly do you want me to do, if you can't get it out, why should I" and walks away completely.

He was with his partner/wife and daughter (maybe 7/8). AIBU to feel sad that this is the example he was setting his daughter or is that how most people would have reacted?

I know he had no obligation to help and was well within his right to not help, but if it were me and I simply didn't WANT to help, I would have made up some excuse 'sorry I hurt my hand and don't think I'll be much help' so I didn't look rude!

And likewise he may have thought his walking away sent a strong enough message and thought why is she still pestering me?

I suspect he was scared he couldn’t have unscrewed it either and his fragile male ego could not have coped with being so emasculated in front of his wife and daughter.

So he dodged the issue by being a rude arse who refused to help.

Because, in his mind, it’s better to look an utter dick than physically weak.

I’m a tiny woman and had you asked for help I’d have tried to help you! Don’t stop asking for help, the world isn’t that mean spirited.

@fluffypotatoes fair enough, maybe I misinterpreted his walking away.

@MolkosTeenageAngst I agree completely. Yes it might not be the polite response but for some people just ignoring and carrying on is the only response they can give at that moment in time. Consider also he had his family with him and who knows what they were going through at the time that he might have just dealt with or be focusing on.

I do agree is follow up response was quite abrupt but OP should have left it after the first response. It's not like he was your only option.

😂AIBU for being really annoyed I couldn't fit in the last longlong???

Thank god I have a husband that would help anyone. I’d be so ashamed if he behaved like this.

Unfortunately this kind of thing is getting more common. People don’t even notice other people or the effect they might be having (shrieking on trains, or playing videos out loud on a phone) and they have less of a social conscience. We spend more time at home, being insular, and we focus on our own family unit not society as a whole. Plenty of people on here would say if they could afford to privately educate their kids, they would. Society is breaking. Lots of exceptions obviously but it’s the way things are moving.

Did the wife help you?

YANBU! I'd be raging too 🤣

You’re not overly kind at all. You’re entitled and needy expecting passerby to sort your predicament
You’ve written an op with accompanying dialogue and strap line of how overly kind you are. Utter nonsense. You are utilising tired gender tropes. I’m a widdle overly kind woman please help me passerby man.
He wasn’t obliged, he declined. You’ve turned it into a poor you drama of manners.

I wondered this too!

What an absolute twat! I had a situation where I ran over a section of metal fencing in the middle of a busy road and was completely stuck. Five men came from different directions to help. They figured out what needed to be done, then one man ran off to his business to get a car jack and tools. They removed the twisted metal which was wrapped underneath and I was on my way shortly. That was such a feel good moment. I wish everyone helped others the way those five strangers helped me.

The farmer was assisting - he was turning his tractor round so he could try to pull the op out backwards.

You sound lovely. I hope poor widdle you never gets stuck in a situation where you need help.

And my DH would be ashamed if I behaved like this as well.

Just as an aside - does anyone have a good experience when they go pumpkin picking? I’ve banned it from mine this year because it’s always wet, muddy, miserable, expensive and full of annoying people.

Sometimes the answer you expect to hear is not the answer that you receive but it is a valid response all the same.

if you were stuck in the mud he was prob not keen to get muddy!

He sounds like a wanker.

If I was his wife I would have come over and helped you myself.
The fact that she didn’t probably suggests that she’s a wanker too.

I would always help someone.
The only times I haven’t is when I feel potentially unsafe (eg a man flagging me down for a lift or one asking me to come into his home to help him with something).

He’s a horrible person . I’d be ashamed if I was his wife or daughter. I’m a weed and have tiny hands but even I would have tried and I know DH would have definitely. Concentrate on the nice tractor man who helped, the other guy , I hope , will get his karma .

I used to go because I had lots of fun and the mud is part of that fun but I just cannot justify the cost of it anymore.

It’s literally pumpkins bought from a shop and chucked in a field for triple the price (or grown on site for free).

Some places offer extra activities and we used to go for these too and wear the Halloween costumes to get our miners worth, but my DD is too old for the activities and so it’s too much of a waste of money.

@Stillwaitingfor has nailed it! 😂

I am curious to know what most posters think are woman's jobs - that if a random man asked a woman (stranger) to do, that she must do it for him or else she is a horrible, awful person?

I am trying to think of a scenario where this kind of name calling would be appropriate to call a woman because she didn't say yes when a random man asked of favour of her to do a woman's job for him?

Most in this thread feel anything car or dirt related is a man's job and a random man has a duty to do the man jobs if a woman asks him or he is a %*#&%(#(&%. What is an example of the flip side?

Mybe sewing on a button? If woman was at the mall with her family and man approached and asked for help sewing a button back on his shirt, then she has a duty as a woman to do that sewing job or else it would be fair to call her every name in the book and see her as a horrible and unkind person?

Kindness and manners cost nothing. His attitude would be such a turn off if I were his gf/ wife. Thank your lucky stars you’re not with a twat like that!