Am I overly kind or is this normal behaviour

[sellingupslow]

Just came back from pumpkin picking with DC3.

Parking was a muddy field type, parked where I was told.

When leaving, I got seriously stuck in the mud. Tractor came to assist. I had to screw in a tow bar thing (attached) so that the tractor could pull me out. Managed, all ok and he tried pulling me out forward, didn't work, so asked me to unscrew and put in on the back of the car so he could pull me out backwards.

Farmer was turning his tractor around so I was trying by myself to unscrew but I couldn't.

I proceeded to ask a passer by who was on his way to the pumpkin patch

Me- "excuse me, don't suppose you could try giving me a hand, I need to unscrew this so the tractor can get me out the mud" (all said with a smile and in a kind polite tone

Him- stares at me and continues walking away

Me - "I'm just struggling to get it out myself and wondered if you might be able to"

Him - "what exactly do you want me to do, if you can't get it out, why should I" and walks away completely.

He was with his partner/wife and daughter (maybe 7/8). AIBU to feel sad that this is the example he was setting his daughter or is that how most people would have reacted?

I know he had no obligation to help and was well within his right to not help, but if it were me and I simply didn't WANT to help, I would have made up some excuse 'sorry I hurt my hand and don't think I'll be much help' so I didn't look rude!

He's a dick.
Even with 3 small children in tow,I would expect my partner either to help or take over child care so I could!!

It's how decent people behave. They help out.

He did, he was turning his tractor round whilst this happened, and then came back to me un sorted it out himself

Prior to the farmer coming to help, there were many helpful men (and women) trying to push the car and help, so I know this man was in the minority.

Odd behaviour. As you realised most people would try to help

Totally unrelated to the OP but your user name 🤣 I've sat here for 20 mins singing variations of it until I finally got the bloody song. Thanks for keeping me occupied on a wet Sunday afternoon 😂

On the face of it yes, it does sound like he was being particularly mean however this behaviour might not define him as a person. Is it possible that you werent making yourself clear about what you wanted from him? Maybe he thought you wanted him to sort getting you out the mud rather than simply 'unscrewing' a tight/tricky attachment.

@sellingupslow what an absolute horrorbag of a human. At least you can soothe yourself with the very welcome thought of you not being married to him ❤️

@Dramatic me too!

Idk, you would rather he made up a lie to excuse himself than have the choice to say no.

He's obviously not the nicest person in the world but it's a bit of a non-incident. I'd have just waited for the chap on the tractor rather than asking random members of the public if it had been me.

Not buying that.

If I was asked today, I'm having a bad one after some pretty heavy medical treatment, but I'd still have given it a go, but would have just said, I might not be able to do this.

Manners cost nothing and one day, he may find he needs help.

I think after he ignored you and carried on walking I wouldn’t have said anything else he obviously didn’t want to help

I think I made myself very clear but I could be wrong, he may have interpreted my request differently too. But he could have just said 'sorry I'm unable to help' rather than being sarcastic

Wow, just wow 😵

My DH and sons would be the first to offer to help. Why wouldn’t you?

Even if I was on my own and saw someone struggling, I would ask if you needed a hand.

There are some god awful people about.

He is an absolute arsehole and if my DH had behaved like that when faced with a woman in need with a small child, I would have read him the riot act (and he wouldn't have got any sex for a good few days).

I only reiterated because he was staring at me whilst walking away, almost as though he was asking for clarification on my original request.

That guy is a MORON.

An epitome of a healthy relationship.

He sounds like a twat OP. Mind you my DH is so far the other way that he'd probably have offered you our car.

Maybe a middle ground is what to aim for. Somewhere between Twat and Martyr

I'm female but I would've been confused because you had the farmer helping you.

He was rude. I was once struggling to open my bonnet to fill the washer bottle and some bloke saw me struggling and came over to help. Didn't even ask. Took him a few seconds. I'd have been embarrassed if my OH behaved like that and I'd have tried to help you myself!

He didn't know the farmer was helping me as the farmer was no where near at the time.

Sounds like you encountered what is scientifically known as a "bellend"

But you told him the tractor was pulling you out of the mud? That's what you said to him?

If I was dressed for a day out, I wouldn't want to get myself bogging for no reason, because you needed help with some implement, when you already had help from someone with a tractor.

There are plenty of men, especially those on younger side, who simply have swallowed the equality mantra to mean “no difference”. They do not understand that women have less grip strength, less arm strength or indeed lifting strength. Used to have big arguments in my office about men expecting me to life same weights as them, and still arguing when pointing out that women have lower restrictions for lifting weights than men according to health and safety law.

some blokes are just thick and ignorant, and look at women struggling with something needing muscles and dismiss it as “well they want equality, why should they then expect me to intervene”

even a small man can life more, has stronger grip strength than the same size women

so, he’s a prat for all sorts of reasons. And no women should feel abashed about asking a bloke for help whether it’s lifting something heavy, opening a jar etc.