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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I overly kind or is this normal behaviour

208 replies

sellingupslow · 29/10/2023 12:34

Just came back from pumpkin picking with DC3.

Parking was a muddy field type, parked where I was told.

When leaving, I got seriously stuck in the mud. Tractor came to assist. I had to screw in a tow bar thing (attached) so that the tractor could pull me out. Managed, all ok and he tried pulling me out forward, didn't work, so asked me to unscrew and put in on the back of the car so he could pull me out backwards.

Farmer was turning his tractor around so I was trying by myself to unscrew but I couldn't.

I proceeded to ask a passer by who was on his way to the pumpkin patch

Me- "excuse me, don't suppose you could try giving me a hand, I need to unscrew this so the tractor can get me out the mud" (all said with a smile and in a kind polite tone

Him- stares at me and continues walking away

Me - "I'm just struggling to get it out myself and wondered if you might be able to"

Him - "what exactly do you want me to do, if you can't get it out, why should I" and walks away completely.

He was with his partner/wife and daughter (maybe 7/8). AIBU to feel sad that this is the example he was setting his daughter or is that how most people would have reacted?

I know he had no obligation to help and was well within his right to not help, but if it were me and I simply didn't WANT to help, I would have made up some excuse 'sorry I hurt my hand and don't think I'll be much help' so I didn't look rude!

Am I overly kind or is this normal behaviour
OP posts:
BotterMon · 29/10/2023 17:01

His poor wife/partner and DC to have to live with that!

What a cockwomble.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/10/2023 17:05

Good God, what a berk. My dh or SiL would have been there helping you like a shot.

LuluBlakey1 · 29/10/2023 17:13

sellingupslow · 29/10/2023 12:34

Just came back from pumpkin picking with DC3.

Parking was a muddy field type, parked where I was told.

When leaving, I got seriously stuck in the mud. Tractor came to assist. I had to screw in a tow bar thing (attached) so that the tractor could pull me out. Managed, all ok and he tried pulling me out forward, didn't work, so asked me to unscrew and put in on the back of the car so he could pull me out backwards.

Farmer was turning his tractor around so I was trying by myself to unscrew but I couldn't.

I proceeded to ask a passer by who was on his way to the pumpkin patch

Me- "excuse me, don't suppose you could try giving me a hand, I need to unscrew this so the tractor can get me out the mud" (all said with a smile and in a kind polite tone

Him- stares at me and continues walking away

Me - "I'm just struggling to get it out myself and wondered if you might be able to"

Him - "what exactly do you want me to do, if you can't get it out, why should I" and walks away completely.

He was with his partner/wife and daughter (maybe 7/8). AIBU to feel sad that this is the example he was setting his daughter or is that how most people would have reacted?

I know he had no obligation to help and was well within his right to not help, but if it were me and I simply didn't WANT to help, I would have made up some excuse 'sorry I hurt my hand and don't think I'll be much help' so I didn't look rude!

The bloke is a shit.

Did his wife just go off with him?

DH would have offered to help you before you asked. However, just suppose he had responded to your request like the wanker you met, I would have helped you and shamed him and humiliated him infront of our DC by telling them to wait with me until I tried to help you because Daddy wouldn't help. Then I'd have had words with him when we got home.

FallingFeathers · 29/10/2023 17:13

I don't get why you'd ask again when he clearly didn't want to help. I think that's why you got a snappy response. So he was rude when he didn't respond at all, but then it was also rude to then ask again like you felt he owed you help when he'd already made it clear (in a rude way) that he didn't want to stop and help.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 29/10/2023 17:14

He was a selfish wankstain.

WrongSwanson · 29/10/2023 17:17

He sounds awful. And I can't think of a single justification for being that rude

UpaladderwatchingTV · 29/10/2023 17:17

Just as a matter of interest OP, did the farmer charge you for pulling you out of the mud? Only I can't understand why he would have let you park there in the first place unless he was going to make money out of it.

With regard to the guy you asked for help, he was being an arsehole, and I wouldn't have necessarily approached a woman, as I would have expected a man to have more strength, if that was needed under the circumstances, which I would have thought was the case.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/10/2023 17:19

The only possible excuse I can think of is that this man lives in a city where someone coming up to you to ask for something is almost always someone wanting money or a mentally ill or scary person. It makes you very reluctant to want to stop to talk to strangers.

Original poster
sellingupslow · 29/10/2023 17:21

UpaladderwatchingTV · 29/10/2023 17:17

Just as a matter of interest OP, did the farmer charge you for pulling you out of the mud? Only I can't understand why he would have let you park there in the first place unless he was going to make money out of it.

With regard to the guy you asked for help, he was being an arsehole, and I wouldn't have necessarily approached a woman, as I would have expected a man to have more strength, if that was needed under the circumstances, which I would have thought was the case.

No charge, it's a little village pumpkin farm and there's no where else to park, but a lot of people were getting stuck and do every year so I'm sure they just have the tractor on hand to help!

OP posts:
TheNinny · 29/10/2023 17:25

He was probably in his Sunday best and away to get professional family photos done at the pumpkin patch and didn’t want to get dirty. Unfortunately , it’s now a thing 😂🙄 but no, he was bellend and rude.

PegasusReturns · 29/10/2023 17:29

You are utilising tired gender tropes. I’m a widdle overly kind woman please help me passerby man

what “tired gender tropes“ are those? @Zone2NorthLondon ? That men are stonger than women? That’s a truism.

we’re pretty much at the end of days if we’ve reached a point where asking help off a stranger is deemed unacceptable

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 29/10/2023 17:30

Am I overly kind or is this normal behaviour

Not sure why you’re turning his unwillingness to help into a compliment to yourself? What did you do in this situation that was overly kind? It’s a bit narcissistic.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 29/10/2023 17:31

sellingupslow · 29/10/2023 17:21

No charge, it's a little village pumpkin farm and there's no where else to park, but a lot of people were getting stuck and do every year so I'm sure they just have the tractor on hand to help!

Show quote history

If people are always getting stuck, maybe he is sick of helping people?

43ontherocksporfavor · 29/10/2023 17:31

OP is saying she would help or would that be overly kind?

UpaladderwatchingTV · 29/10/2023 17:35

God! Why do people ALWAYS have to find something HORRIBLE to say?? I really can't understand why these people don't just scroll past if they can't find something useful or pleasant to write.

Original poster
sellingupslow · 29/10/2023 17:42

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 29/10/2023 17:30

Am I overly kind or is this normal behaviour

Not sure why you’re turning his unwillingness to help into a compliment to yourself? What did you do in this situation that was overly kind? It’s a bit narcissistic.

Edited

@43ontherocksporfavor has said. Maybe I worded it badly.

OP posts:
Fahbeep · 29/10/2023 17:44

If it was your DH I'd say LTB.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 29/10/2023 17:47

sellingupslow · 29/10/2023 17:42

@43ontherocksporfavor has said. Maybe I worded it badly.

Show quote history

Has said what?

FrenchandSaunders · 29/10/2023 17:50

Awful and I’d be so cross with DH if he said something like that. Fucking bell end.

thecoat · 29/10/2023 17:55

sellingupslow · 29/10/2023 17:42

@43ontherocksporfavor has said. Maybe I worded it badly.

Show quote history

I honestly don't understand what you mean here.

SuddenlyOld · 29/10/2023 18:21

I would consider it rude to ask a complete stranger to help me, especially when it wasn't an emergency.

Dacadactyl · 29/10/2023 18:24

There are some very very odd people on these boards.

Rude to ask a stranger for help?! Give me strength.

RudsyFarmer · 29/10/2023 18:28

Dacadactyl · 29/10/2023 18:24

There are some very very odd people on these boards.

Rude to ask a stranger for help?! Give me strength.

That’s what we’re dealing with.

zurala · 29/10/2023 18:30

Dacadactyl · 29/10/2023 18:24

There are some very very odd people on these boards.

Rude to ask a stranger for help?! Give me strength.

They are probably the same people who think it's rude to knock on their door without a written appointment. Mumsnet is weird.

thecoat · 29/10/2023 18:30

I'd consider it entitled, not rude to ask a stranger for help when you already have help.

And if you ask, you have to be prepared to be told no (which it appears the OP wasn't prepared for).