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Original poster

How can my brother salvage this situation

1000 replies

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:19

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

OP posts:
Bonjovispjs · 27/10/2023 12:35

Good for her for kicking him to the kerb 👏👏 Any woman in their right mind would do the same. Your brother is a cheeky fucker and so unbelievably unreasonable and so are you for agreeing with it.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 27/10/2023 12:35

I wouldn't be getting rid of my dog for a new boyfriend.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 27/10/2023 12:35

She is not being unreasonable.

Why don’t you have him at your house and pay for his kids to go cinema while he pays off HIS credit card debt.

I’m not even into dogs but this is taking the absolute piss, I hope she does get rid of him and you from her life.

Itsgettingweirdnow · 27/10/2023 12:35

@ThreeTescoBags No, I was pointing out to the Op, that you cannot put a post up about pets on here - and get a measured response. You see it time and time again. Also why does it have to be either or? You should be able to feed the dog and also go to the cinema. I do not have pets, so perhaps I am missing something 🤷🏾‍♀️ I would hope that if the GF in question had a baby, she would forgo the expensive dog food so she could perhaps go to a paid for mother & baby class etc.

Judydoes2 · 27/10/2023 12:35

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Also as others have said, you can't just buy any old food, this is the case for many if not most dogs.

I have to feed my dog quite cheap food because everything else upsets her stomach. However in other cases it is false economy-same as with humans (or any animal!) it causes health problems and vet bills are extortionate.

However frankly if she wanted to spend that £50 on a pair of shoes, or a designer eyeshadow palette, or a nice new rattle It's NOTHING to do with him!

Tonight1 · 27/10/2023 12:35

Hmindr68 · 27/10/2023 12:16

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I can’t believe you’re doubling down!

Some more eloquent posters will be along in a moment to explain (more) to you.

but me, I’m just like… 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Show quote history

I know, this thread has been unintentionally hilarious.

OP sorry that there are hurt feelings involved but your brother needs to come to an agreement with cc debt and get that gone. I did.

They haven't been together very long and she is in no way responsible for his children. Other than to be kind. Which doesn't involve her money or space. Don't metaphorically kick her pet, it's hers and she loves it.

weirdoboelady · 27/10/2023 12:36

It's difficult to comment properly without knowing how their finances are intertwined. Whose is the debt?

So I'll comment improperly. WTF should the GF give her dog inferior food, or starve it to death, just because your DB has come into her life? She's not a cash cow, the dog was there first. She's accommodated your DB already by throwing the dog out of the bedroom at night. And I don't believe that the kids would have minded about the 'dog's room' unless that idea had been put into their head by an adult - is it your DB or you stirring things?

NotLactoseFree · 27/10/2023 12:36

OP, You're taking a beating but quite honestly, your OP is basically a walking red flag and it's not unusual for women who have been trained to think like you to find themselves with a cocklodger.

He's "getting his life back on track" - what does that even mean?

I'm confused about why he's paying huge amounts of maintenance to his ex if
he barely has enough money? What EXACTLY is h paying because in my experience, lots of men who claim to be paying HUGE amounts of maintenance are barely covering the basics (also, does he complain about his ex going to the pub, or getting her hair done? At "his" expense")

Does he actually pay rent and bills to his current girlfriend? And how much? I'll put money on it being the bare minimum.

Why on earth should she pay for his children's cinema tickets - she's already providing a home.

Does he work?

And his debts are all because of his ex wife and her new kitchen? hahahahaha, I'll believe that when I see it.

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 27/10/2023 12:36

So on that note what would happen if the GF asked your brother for half towards the dog food and toys,vet bills etc?,he knew she had a dog before he moved in so shouldn't he be paying and taking responsibility for the dog.If he expects her to pay for his kids then he should pay towards the dog.Works both ways.
I can imagine his response if she actually did ask him...

Haha good point!

mangochops · 27/10/2023 12:36

PinkLemons99 · 27/10/2023 12:16

YABU.

It’s simple. Your brother needs to get his shit together and get a decent paying job where he can afford his own place and to fully support HIS children.

It’s not his girlfriend’s job to subsidise him. She’s done nothing wrong here and it sounds like she’s realised that your brother is a cocklodger. Good for her!

If he was that bothered about his kids, he’d be prioritising increasing his finances over finding a girlfriend.

Buying a more expensive bag of kibble dog food is not spoiling the dog. Our dog gets meat and veg meals cooked in the pressure cooker by DH 3 times a week and I’d say he’s probably a bit spoilt. 😂

Edited

This. Cheap, budget dog food is a false economy- it can cause skin issues, digestive issues and poor health which result in further vets bills- I've seen this happen multiple times so its not "saving money" in the end at all. Its her dog and her money- why on earth should she be buying food for his kids? why cant he feed them? He is being completely unreasonable here.

tinytemper66 · 27/10/2023 12:37

Why don't you offer him a room over his head seems you are so invested?

Judydoes2 · 27/10/2023 12:37

Also, don't buy things you can't afford.

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 27/10/2023 12:38

Op it's not about this being "dogsnet".

It's about your brother being a selfish, entitled arse.

thesurrealist · 27/10/2023 12:38

It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason.

Haven't RTFT yet but this jumped out at me. Let's take the dog out of the equation for the moment. Your brother moved into a woman's house and immediately started getting her to change her lifestyle and dictate what she can and cannot do in her own house? Including how she spends her money.

That is really not a silly reason. That is controlling and abusive and I am shocked that as a woman you can't see that.

Nanny0gg · 27/10/2023 12:38

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Not if their own father isn't taking on sufficient responsibilty!

As a matter of interest, does he pay his way with his girlfriend? Does he pay half the bills? (more when the children stay?)

He doesn't contribute to the dog so what she spends there is none of his business

itsmylife7 · 27/10/2023 12:38

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

I'm actually rolling my eyes at this response.

She's single and can spend what she wants on HER dog.

The relationship is over OP.
Your brother has no right to dictate to her.

Hoardasurass · 27/10/2023 12:38

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

ITS NOT HIS MONEY !!
ITS HERS TO SPENT ON WHAT SHE WANTS.
As for her having any degree of responsibility towards HIS children just because she is dating him you must be sniffing glue.
As I said before she is well rid of both of you

tinytemper66 · 27/10/2023 12:38

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

The kids are nothing to do with her. She can spend her money on what ever she likes. He needs to sort his financial mess out and stopped sponging off her. No wonder he doesn't have custody. He needs to get a better paid job if he can't afford to look after his own kids.

Sarahconnor1 · 27/10/2023 12:38

Why don't you want him moving back to yours, OP?

We can all see what the ex brought to this relationship, a home for your brother to live in so he can get shared custody and money to pay off his debt. He brings resentment and entitlement

Team ex girlfriend. She sounds brilliant

pinkyredrose · 27/10/2023 12:38

And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Funny how no-one says that to men, only to women.

If he's paying too much maintenance that he has nothing to live on then he needs to look at adjusting the amount.

Has he ever been capable of standing on his own two feet?

MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 12:38

I don't particularly like dogs but you can't just tell your partner to get rid of a pet they've had since before you were on the scene.

Why can't your brother get your own place and apply for joint custody of his children?

If he is relying on his girlfriend to put a roof over his head and do the adulting for him then it is really not his place to object to her spending 80 quid on dog food.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 27/10/2023 12:38

And a dog isn’t spoilt because it’s being fed wtf 😂 why should she change her dogs food? People like to give their dogs the best so what?

You are unbelievable.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 27/10/2023 12:39

It's not her job to sort anything out for the kids. It's his. If he doesn't like the dog and it causes problems, maybe he could find his own place? Not expect some woman who loves her dog to get rid of it and start paying for his children.

OutOfSyncWithReality · 27/10/2023 12:40

THEY ARE NOT HIS CHILDREN has just become the new cancel the cheque 😂

Itsgettingweirdnow · 27/10/2023 12:41

@HorseySurprise @Lizzt2007 sorry his children! She can do want she wants with her money. That really is the crux of this thread.

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