Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What amount of money would you give to help another mother?

214 replies

ShrigleyInc · 23/10/2023 20:32

What amount of money would you give to a single mother / mother of one/two child(ten) who is actually facing huge destitution this month because pay has come in late, bills have risen, demands on finances (debt repayments and utility bills increasing)have risen (due to age of child and time of year) despite only able to live on basics for over two years?

The person is in your circle, maybe close, maybe distant. You may or may not like them. Your children may or may not like their child/ren.

Yet, on the principle of helping, where you can, you would, if asked (not that this is likely as the person in poverty has extreme shame in being in this situation, but is somehow connected to you) - would you do the following, if at asked?

Help by giving:
£100...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£300...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£500...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£Even more because you can....

I ask this for the following reasons: does the help have to be close to home / not too close - ie you need distance if you were asked.

or, does help just have to be needed in the outside world?

What are your actual principles on giving financial help?

I pay a monthly fee to UNICEF, because I believe it is good to do. But I got to thinking, there are many closer to us who need it, so what would you do?

Really interested.

OP posts:
bclspia · 23/10/2023 20:34

Your post hurts my brain

AllegroConMoto · 23/10/2023 20:39

My principles are not to leave myself open to people deciding to DM me asking for money if I answer your question.

rubyslippers · 23/10/2023 20:41

AllegroConMoto · 23/10/2023 20:39

My principles are not to leave myself open to people deciding to DM me asking for money if I answer your question.

Ooohh
is that what this post is? Asking by stealth

IHavetoadmit · 23/10/2023 20:41

Truthfully I would give what I could afford and what I could see helping but only if it doesn't leave my children without.

Riverlee · 23/10/2023 20:42

I never like giving money directly, and even for birthday presents would rather give actual gifts then money.

Therefore, if tge person was short of food etc, I would probably take food round etc. Also, try and give practical help, such as helping them go through finances etc. and help them manage their money.

SoRainbowRhythms · 23/10/2023 20:42
Calculating Zach Galifianakis GIF by filmeditor

Wut

User767463 · 23/10/2023 20:44

My principle is that I don't start with £100 and go up to £500. You must be taking the piss, LOL.

Hatty65 · 23/10/2023 20:44

I'm not in a position to give money to anyone at all. The idea of 'another mother' makes it sound all solidarity, but everyone is struggling and we're heading into winter. £100 is a LOT of money to many of us.

soxthecat22 · 23/10/2023 20:44

Eh?

CalistoNoSolo · 23/10/2023 20:45

Nothing, because I would be opening myself up to being expected to give money every time she was in trouble. I already give as generously as possible to various charities, this doesn't include random people I may or may not know/like.

Original poster
ShrigleyInc · 23/10/2023 20:46

No. Just interested in the wider principle. Concerned about responses people give.

OP posts:
Isthisexpected · 23/10/2023 20:46

bclspia · 23/10/2023 20:34

Your post hurts my brain

Same. Something about how it's all worded has made me twitch.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/10/2023 20:46

It’s impossible to answer because it entirely depends on who the person was that was in trouble, my relationship with them and what their situation was.

RubyRubyRubyy · 23/10/2023 20:46

Honestly I don't think I would in that scenario assuming I understand your oddly worded post.

DurhamDurham · 23/10/2023 20:47

Well nothing from someone asking online because then you never really know who you're talking to do you?

What an odd post, I wonder where it's going? What are you hoping to achieve?
Help someone, or don't, we can't help you decide whether you can afford to do that.

Original poster
ShrigleyInc · 23/10/2023 20:47

Good to know. Charities are a good way to ascertain need, but what if the need was in your backyard, yet the person didn't / wouldn't ask you, but they were in need?

OP posts:
UpaladderwatchingTV · 23/10/2023 20:47

If I was wealthy, then I'd happily help a single parent who is struggling. However, I wouldn't give anything to someone who smokes, has TV subscriptions like Netflix, etc., includes a bottle of wine and other treats in their shopping, has the latest iphone, etc. For me to offer my hard earned in order to help someone, they would have to be in GENUINE need, and have done EVERYTHING that they possibly could to have helped themselves, before I would be prepared to step in. I say this, because there are a lot of people in this country, who claim they are hard up, if they can't afford to buy a new outfit, or yet another pair of shoes, or afford a meal out, or takeaway every week. These are the sort of people that I have NO pity for, however, if someone has done everything within their power to improve their station in life, or have been affected by circumstances beyond their control, it would be a different matter altogether, and I would happily help if I could.

HowToSaveAWife · 23/10/2023 20:47

Nothing, I'm afraid.

I'm not a bank, I'm not responsible for supplying money to others just because, and I'm not opening myself up to be relied on financially like that.

Will I give what I can of my time, have them over for dinner, etc.? Yes. But not direct money, no.

Ibravedaflood · 23/10/2023 20:47

Would grab someone some basic food items. I do charity Christmas gifts to local people via council scheme at Christmas.. Also change annually which monthly money I give to charity.. A homeless man ruined me giving cash to people..

daisychain01 · 23/10/2023 20:49

Just here for the deletion message....

User767463 · 23/10/2023 20:49

Isthisexpected · 23/10/2023 20:46

Same. Something about how it's all worded has made me twitch.

Show quote history

ChatGPT probably? OP is giving uncanny valley.

Original poster
ShrigleyInc · 23/10/2023 20:49

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/10/2023 20:46

It’s impossible to answer because it entirely depends on who the person was that was in trouble, my relationship with them and what their situation was.

But would you want to know the person before you gave, or would that be uncomfortable? Or would you give annymously via a charity, yet the person in your community doesn't qualify for the charity?

OP posts:
WorriedMillie · 23/10/2023 20:49

Another one who failed to follow the post 😵‍💫
I’m another who would offer practical support and gifts to someone in need

readbooksdrinktea · 23/10/2023 20:49

User767463 · 23/10/2023 20:44

My principle is that I don't start with £100 and go up to £500. You must be taking the piss, LOL.

Agree. Wtf. A different world!

Sofaz34 · 23/10/2023 20:50

I would give £100 to a close friend in need but I would be more likely to help them with advice and financial management or paying for something in particular. Ideally with the knowledge they would pay me back when they could. I would possibly give them more if they were likely to recover the situation soon and could pay back. It would also depend on if they were really being careful themselves as of they were still spending loads on their kids I wouldn't help.