What amount of money would you give to help another mother?

[ShrigleyInc]

What amount of money would you give to a single mother / mother of one/two child(ten) who is actually facing huge destitution this month because pay has come in late, bills have risen, demands on finances (debt repayments and utility bills increasing)have risen (due to age of child and time of year) despite only able to live on basics for over two years?

The person is in your circle, maybe close, maybe distant. You may or may not like them. Your children may or may not like their child/ren.

Yet, on the principle of helping, where you can, you would, if asked (not that this is likely as the person in poverty has extreme shame in being in this situation, but is somehow connected to you) - would you do the following, if at asked?

Help by giving:
£100...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£300...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£500...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£Even more because you can....

I ask this for the following reasons: does the help have to be close to home / not too close - ie you need distance if you were asked.

or, does help just have to be needed in the outside world?

What are your actual principles on giving financial help?

I pay a monthly fee to UNICEF, because I believe it is good to do. But I got to thinking, there are many closer to us who need it, so what would you do?

Really interested.

This

And that's commendable. But it depends on variables of the woman's circumstance. What if she can feed her kids with lentils and rice (perfectly acceptable) but can't pay bills / debt / travel needs / new school shoes?

That's exactly why I give to the local charities I do - they are better placed than me to assess need (in the short and longer term) and set up help and support, of various kinds. And that's what I'd recommend anyone do, rather than give to friends and family. Because that's the quickest way to lose a friendship.

My principal is to give when I can, and appropriately, and wisely.

So, you never would give to anyone - however close or distant they are from you - if they asked because they have a need? Good to know. This is about moral codes/principles. I do hope you are never in actual need.

Why are they destitute in the first place? I’m not convinced giving lump sums to people who have jobs is in their best interests. Why was their pay late? Surely pay is done by BACS these days? Are they claiming all the benefits they’re entitled to? I’d be happy to go with them to the Citizens Advice Bureau, help them apply for food banks, advocate for them with housing or social services, but I don’t think I would just give them a handout.

Good point

I agree. Lots of people are struggling. The issue is, if you were in a position to give, what would you do, and what strings would you attach, if any? What principle would motivate you? And would you want that principle to be in active if you were in need?

This is incoherent. You keep saying the person is in your circle, you might be close to them or not know them well, like or dislike them etc, and then you ask how much someone would be prepared to give them, but then you say the person hasn’t asked or wouldn’t ask you, so how do you know they’re in need in the first place?

Your question seems to be ‘How much money would you give someone in your circle who is in need but has not communicated this need to you, so you have no idea?’

And that's ok that you would only feel comfortable doing it randomly/anonymously. But then giving to people you only like - is that charity? What about those who have real need but you don't like? Don't they deserve kindness?

I have helped friends in need a couple of times and it's always completely ruined my relationship with that person. They started to take the piss. No good deed goes unpunished and all that... Things got very uncomfortable.

I now prefer donating to charities.

I actually did this recently, gave £100 to a cousin who was almost in tears because she didn't have enough left in her account to do a food shop that week. Her gratitude was both humbling and a little awkward, to be honest.

The next night she was on FB, with photos in every stop on her pub crawl.

Lesson learned.

Surely thinking is a good thing? And knowing the principles you would act by is a good thing?

@ShrigleyInc again, why only a mother?

I had a similar experience. Now I do my donating anonymously via charity and it doesn't be awkward. It's up to the charity to assess need and what support is required.

Give discreetly if I could, not a random soul
amount would vary

Personally I’d never give money but I’d offer support in other ways, a food shop, uniform, calling around to get bills reduced, setting up a debt repayment plan.

You're coming across as very unpleasant - although I'm sure you're not. You're trying to get people to say they wouldn't give and then responding with passive aggressive little comments like "So with strings attached" - or "good to know" and "I do hope you are never in actual need"

You have no idea how people are coping, whether they have been in dire straits at some time or been very generous. And yet you want to judge. You seem to want to make people feel bad by taking a superior stance - and it's not nice.

This is a nasty thread I think.

well clearly it is an issue as that’s a very judgemental response dressed up as intellectual curiosity

No. Real person here. With real quest for understanding. Had a chat with friend re principles people live by, and I'm intrigued that there are some people who have no principles but expect good moral behaviour from others.

So people who do things differently from you have no principles? That’s basically what you’re saying

So what exactly are you asking? Because it seems to be ‘How much money would you give someone you know if you didn’t know they needed it?’

What a weird, passive-aggressive thread.

If I had loads of money, I'd fill up her oil tank and send cheques to her utility companies anonymously. That would take a load of pressure off her. I would not give her cash and mortify her.

Why don't you share what principles you would or do act by? Your tone is off, if you're really looking for help with a situation then share more context to get helpful replies. If this is all theoretical, your obtuseness isn't going to help. You know it's a complicated topic, if everyone gave everything they could afford to help someone who had less, we wouldn't be the capitalist society that we are.

What are you trying to achieve?