What amount of money would you give to help another mother?

[ShrigleyInc]

What amount of money would you give to a single mother / mother of one/two child(ten) who is actually facing huge destitution this month because pay has come in late, bills have risen, demands on finances (debt repayments and utility bills increasing)have risen (due to age of child and time of year) despite only able to live on basics for over two years?

The person is in your circle, maybe close, maybe distant. You may or may not like them. Your children may or may not like their child/ren.

Yet, on the principle of helping, where you can, you would, if asked (not that this is likely as the person in poverty has extreme shame in being in this situation, but is somehow connected to you) - would you do the following, if at asked?

Help by giving:
£100...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£300...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£500...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£Even more because you can....

I ask this for the following reasons: does the help have to be close to home / not too close - ie you need distance if you were asked.

or, does help just have to be needed in the outside world?

What are your actual principles on giving financial help?

I pay a monthly fee to UNICEF, because I believe it is good to do. But I got to thinking, there are many closer to us who need it, so what would you do?

Really interested.

Interesting question and updates.

I would definitely be willing to buy some food (and allowing them some choice and accept some minor treats there), or something else tangible, bus pass or so.

With money, it is more tricky. I wouldn't want to be financing a lifestyle which is more lavish than mine, even in some partial aspect.
I understand your point about "helping, while removing a free will". The issue is, that when an official charity is involved, they are responsible for some level of due diligence, understanding the situation and assessing impact of the help. When it would be a person I somehow know, but not closely, it would be easier for me to formulate the support as "paying the gas bill" (and hoping they just wouldn't bother if they didn't really need it) than "please provide me all your financial details first", so it would be easier way to have some level of guarantee.

I have, maybe irational, reservation for helping with someone's debt.

Personally, I don’t feel responsible for the entire world and problems I didn’t cause in the lives of people I may not even know or like. I still have to pay towards such people via my taxes regardless.

I am generous with the charities I wish to donate to and give nothing to those (or random strangers) I don’t.

This is called basic common sense and not somehow immoral (even if OP thinks the fact of being a mother means we are under a special obligation to #bekind to the detriment of ourselves and our own families on fear of her sneering). I would be very interested to know how much money the OP donates to these random people she may or may not know each month.

Highly amusing that the poster judging anyone who disagrees with them is calling others judgemental

why "would"? Why do you assume we're not already giving what we can afford?

I am developing a new principle, do not give away anything to someone as rude and entitled as you though 😂. That's a lot of anger for someone claiming to ask a question for the sake of opening a debate.

OP’s approach reminds me of a homeless man who accosted me and a friend in a park. He grilled us about our principles and ethics and finally asked us both for money. My friend gave him a fiver and I gave him 20p, at which point he blew up at me.

I suspect because she thinks ‘mother’ is emotive and will have people reaching for their purses.

I have given money to friends on two occasions. The first time i was 17 and lent £40 to a friend. I realised when she never paid me back that she took advantage of me and our other friends so I vowed never to do it again. And I stuck to it until 2 years ago I gave £500 to a friend. She came to live with me shortly afterwards (you can search my threads for the full story if you wish) and it ended badly and I realise now, that again, I allowed myself to be taken advantage of.

So no, I wouldn't give money to people anymore unless it was my family. I've never accepted money from friends either.

You're amazing. So good to know there are such good people in this world. Best of luck. And thank you, I now know your principles.

It's interesting you weigh up someone's "principles" based on the financing they can offer.

Generosity in other areas is not a "principle" according to you. Hmmm.

My views? I give on a personal level when I can - Big Issue, local church/mandir shout-outs. I help with three neighbours on my street on a regular basis. I volunteer at the food bank. I give monthly donations to UNICEF. I've given money to two friends when asked, knowing they pay back if they can with kindness/helping me in the garden/looking after my children/or giving me money back. Not focusing only on mothers. It was a conceit to get an opinion to see where people's principles are. Does the person you give to need to be close to you or far away? Do they need to be of a 'certain type' or not? Is it charity or kindness or a way of bigging yourself up? Principles is what I am asking about. A moral code of helping others - if you can. If you can't, because you're hard-up, then fine. If you don't if you could, then I'm asking why not. It's a discussion.

If you don't if you could, then I'm asking why not.

because I don't want to?

why else.

Fair enough. Honesty always good.

I donate cash (comes out automatically/monthly) for meal cards to a local soup kitchen for youth.
I regularly order necessities and little treats for a relative I have who has a difficult life.

No I wouldn't and couldnt afford to start. I give to the local children's hospice and a local club for disabled people. Because I know the people that run them and I know they go without themselves to give the best to their service users. We live in a smallish town and people often post on the local Facebook group asking for household items, clothes and toys for people who are struggling. If I have anything they need going spare, I will give it and there are lots of people who do the same. This is how you help your local community.

I'd I had tbe financial resources to help a friend then I would. In fact I have in the past. I gave one friend £500 to help her with Xmas.

My parents always helped less fortunate friends or family and I'd do the same. At the moment I'm not in a position to do so though.

You can't take it with you.

Not true. Didn't say that. Based partly upon a story I heard on LBC James O'Brien when a person, who saw his child's friend's family needed a bed, donated the spare bed to the family. And then the person saw the bed for sale, and when he confronted the mother, she said 'thankyou', but whilst she needed the bed, she needed food and supplies for her children more.

So, kindness on any level is good. But sometimes, it is just hard cash that a family needs to pay hard bills/travel/items whilst they can 'get by' on beans/bread/lentils/rice.

And if in that circumstance, someone in your circle - close or distant - asked you for financial help, what would you do? It is a point of principle as far as I can see. If you could afford it - without any detriment to you - would you? Or would you not, even if you could afford it? Knowing that it has taken them a huge amount of emotional toil to ask? Would you want someone to beg? Is that why some people walk by The Big Issue people? Just interested in principles one lives by.

Just what your principle/moral position is if someone asked you for money. Why would it be different if they asked you for food/bed/spare shoes for their kids/ etc? If you could afford cash, the why would you/would you not?

Would you want to control what you gave them, and if so why? Why would it not be unconditional? Would you need to like them to give, or could it be someone in your community you may not like but who has a need?

Principles dictate what one does on a personal, community and on a larger level. Surely you've heard of those people? Those who, on principle, fought for worker's rights, for rights for pensions, for education, for equal pay, for free access to a health service? Those people didn't question need, they acted on principle. My question is simply about principle.

And it seems that if actual money is involved, then most say 'no way'. When, in fact, in this cost of living crisis, that is what many people who need help need to tide them over until the next month.

This was a philosophical thread, but realised it is completely the wrong format for actual chat. Judgement and unpleasantness is what is needed for a punchy post here!

Too many variables but id buy food and support with budgeting or access to services to help but I wouldn't be able to cope with someone potentially relying on me. It was close family it'd be different.

I will not give money to any begging posts or go fund me. Ever.

I would never give or lend money to anyone ever.

I have done my bit for community by volunteering a lot of time to more than one charity over 3 decades.

I wouldn't give any money. I've been a single mum on benefits and I know that there are enough statutory and charitable sources of support out there that could help because, because I have accessed them. So I'd expect them to do a bit of legwork and look into getting support for themselves, not expecting individuals to help them.

I wouldn't give cash to a random person because it would be unlikely to help them in the long run unless I regularly gave them cash. And that wouldn't be solving their problems either - that would be giving them a crutch.

If they wanted, I'd be happy to sit down with them to help them do a budget, check they were getting the benefits they were entitled to, sign post them to relevant charities and even to help them with declaring bankruptcy if that was the best option.

I would help a friend or relative as much as I could.
I would give the 100 to a charity or a few so that I still had the means to help those I care for.
For me, charity begins at home. I am not responsible for the political practises and poor leadership of many corrupt nations. I will give a little but I can never be sure that it fills the right need.

I think you think you’re thinking but you’re not very good at it. Your argument is incoherent and your responses are illogical and inconsistent.