What amount of money would you give to help another mother?

[ShrigleyInc]

What amount of money would you give to a single mother / mother of one/two child(ten) who is actually facing huge destitution this month because pay has come in late, bills have risen, demands on finances (debt repayments and utility bills increasing)have risen (due to age of child and time of year) despite only able to live on basics for over two years?

The person is in your circle, maybe close, maybe distant. You may or may not like them. Your children may or may not like their child/ren.

Yet, on the principle of helping, where you can, you would, if asked (not that this is likely as the person in poverty has extreme shame in being in this situation, but is somehow connected to you) - would you do the following, if at asked?

Help by giving:
£100...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£300...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£500...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£Even more because you can....

I ask this for the following reasons: does the help have to be close to home / not too close - ie you need distance if you were asked.

or, does help just have to be needed in the outside world?

What are your actual principles on giving financial help?

I pay a monthly fee to UNICEF, because I believe it is good to do. But I got to thinking, there are many closer to us who need it, so what would you do?

Really interested.

most people don't need to enter a philosophical debate to know their own bank account, their values, and don't over-think when they help.

You are coming across as very judgemental and holier than thou. Not a good look.

No. Not an online ask. Someone in your circle - close or distant - but whom you knew - would ask. And the issue is if you could afford it without any problem to you. Not asking you to give your last bean. I'm asking you if you have a principle re this issue.

I've given a total of about £100 to a person in similar circs but stopped when I realised she was still shopping for clothes/shoes for herself and did not seem to twig that it was odd to come and show me new shoes or whatever. I didn't say anything I just didn't offer financial help again, only practical. And yes I'm aware that probably comes across as judgy and privileged and controlling but it just felt ridiculous.

I've given 1k to my cousin in similar circs and then no more for similar reasons!

Nothing I'm afraid I can give my time, of which I have lots to spare, money I do not

How much money do you give random women who happen to have children in the country you live in who you may or may not find likeable?

I would give a little, but never lend. I'm on a low income so more like £30

This sadly. And I can’t understand your post.

Sounds like you’ve hit up a friend for money and have been rebuffed 😂

why do I have the impression you will twist any answer you get to that question....

Agree. But if the person needed it to get through the month, (knowing that next month they could pick up extra work / cut back more / not have the heating on) so they could pay the bills / debt / travel to get to work?

Tried to give a broad outline of an amorphous person to see what principles people live by. Triggered by a chat with a friend.

Yes, I do have a principle in this issue. I don't give or lend money to anyone I know. It's a guaranteed way of ruining the relationship. The only exception might be my mum and sister, if they ever asked.

I might help with child care, or food, or something else. But never money.

Same, I can’t think of a time giving or lending money has gone well for me. It either doesn’t get paid back or I’ve become a cash point.

If as you explain, this was someone who I was aware of and I could afford it I would try to help anonymously so as not to cause embarrassment for either party

presuming I knew their name and where they lived I would arrange a huge shop to be delivered of non perishable goods (washing powder, cleaning products, tins, squash, tea etc) as this would alleviate food poverty and hopefully for a period of time allow the money they did have for food could go on heating or something else they need.

I remember reading on here (a thread I think about good deeds or lovely memories) and a lady remembered how the week before Christmas someone put £100 cash in an envelope through the letter box and wished her Merry Christmas.

things like this could make a huge difference and I know I would be grateful to receive them

Well I have a number of adult children who always seem to need something, so any giving would be to them, knowing I won't get it back.

On principle I don't give money to random mothers I may or may not know. Ever.

I think you've nailed it 😂

This is a classic response of a certain type of person. And that's fine. And so your principle would be to give only if you could control what happened with the money you donated taking away a person's right of free will, assuming all people who are in need have only themselves to blame?
If you happened to be in a situation without any control because of the cost of living crisis is so bad despite all your efforts to earn and manage, you would not expect or ask for any help...because it is your fault?

You’re not going to get a clear answer because you keep chopping and changing your question.

in your OP you said someone in your circle, that you’re connected too. Suggesting a very loose connection.
Then in your reply to me you asked if I’d have to know them, suggesting a stranger.
Now in this reply it’s someone you know well enough to know that they can pick up extra work next month.

You’re making judgements about people’s replies despite the fact you’ve not actually asked a clear question.

Hence coming across as someone fishing for generous people that could be fleeced online with a sob story.

Clearly someone has refused to give uou money and you are pissed because you think they can afford to give you some.
That's not the point though.

Have you never had a mature conversation debating issues which include principles and morality? Passing judgement and dismissing is easy, actually thinking is more productive. I am asking based upon a conversation I had earlier today with a friend. This is the right forum to chat, or is it merely to pass bland knee jerk reactions?

I have lent money to a friend in that kind of situation before but never got it back. It soured the friendship. Now, I probably would still give to a friend, but as a gift rather than a loan. I wouldn't give to a stranger or someone distant because I would feel obliged to give to others because I would feel bad if I didn't.

The only people I would give money to are my siblings and their families, my children or my parents. Thankfully they’re all financially stable so unlikely to need my help. But I would help them and only them if they needed it.
I wouldn’t give cash to a stranger and I’m very choosy about the charities I would / do support as I think a lot of them piss funds up the wall. If someone was in real need and asked me for help, I’d sit down and go through their finances with them. I’m quite selfish when it comes to money and take care of my own family first. If that means I have poor morals then I’m ok with that.

Not asking that at all! Do please read my post. I am asking how much money would you give to someone in need whether they were in your circle or not.

Point them in the direction of GoFundMe. There's one born every minute visiting that site.

I find your post disingenuous. You're clearly annoyed that someone/multiple people havn't given you money. It's like trying to see an old coin at the bottom of a muddy stream. The coin isn't that special though so you shrug and give up.